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I am very much aware; some will agree and others will disagree with my perspective. The posts are simply to share my thoughts and gather a respectful exchange of ideas. In this blogging arena, I am learning about the process, with each post uploaded. This brings to mind the purpose behind this blog. Upon reading the recent post on receiving the treatment of a lady, someone went to their Twitter account and utilized a tactic I do not consider fighting fair. As opposed to bringing their opinion to my attention, they did this:
Rape and One Gentleman do not go together. I may address the topic, and point out the biased reaction for male and female victims, but I do not condone rape or undermine the trauma of rape. It is a sad day when a person cannot argue logically, so they use low-blow tactics to silence the other. You cannot create your own argument, and then pass it off as if it were something I created.
It is a sad day when a person cannot logically argue against your points, so they create one. Call me ugly, stupid, etc…but use arguments to validate your point. However, refrain from saying something I did not say.
Rape is a very serious topic; the mere whisper can ruin a man’s good name. A misinterpretation of what he conveys about rape, can quickly dismantle his image. It is imperative that we remain aware of our word selection.
An exchange of ideas will always be a good thing in my mind. Whether one disagrees or agrees, that is irrelevant. The idea is to have an exchange of ideas.
However, somewhere on this journey, along comes the emotion.
When did it become acceptable, where people refuse to agree to disagree? When did it become okay to misinterpret what someone conveys, and then use your erroneous interpretation, as if you are quoting said individual?
Here is an example.
Person A: There have been recent robberies in the neighborhood, so as your neighborhood watch captain, I advise everyone to lock their doors and windows. Remain aware about setting your alarms and look out for one another.
Person B: So, you are telling me that I am irresponsible and deserve to have my home burglarized.
Person A: (Stares blankly) I am not saying that at all. I am saying you should take precautions and look out for the other neighbors as well.
Person B: So, you are now saying I am irresponsible but must also babysit my neighbors.
This type of thinking is dangerous. It can lead to negative communication, and a lasting aura that has nothing to do with the speaker involved.
Miscommunication seems to be a virus, one where many fall victim but fail to admit. I am an advocate for clarity, because it can lead to situations like the one above. It took years for me to understand the power of miscommunication…and I am still learning. While communicating, we must refrain from fighting unfairly.
Sadly, this takes place offline, but there is a serious epidemic online. How did we get here? What is to blame? Interacting online should be fun and interesting, not hostile and irrational. Miscommunication is bound to happen, but it is up to us to ask for clarity.
As One Gentleman, I ask my fellow bloggers, vloggers and all other online participants, if there is ever a chance you do not understand something 100%, simply ask. Do not assume, walk away or react irrationally. Just ask. We are not enemies, well; I am surely not here to spread negativity. Every day above ground is a good day, even when it is not. Keep your negative energy to yourself. Negativity is one thing kindergarten taught you not to share.
However, if that is your goal, please kick rocks with a pair of open toe sandals. LoL
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Listening and hearing, are often too different things unfortunately.
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The more I read this, the clearer it becomes. I mention to my wife often, there is a huge difference between someone hearing you and actually listening. I just discovered a few hours ago, the person mentioned in this post is sharing more lies…this time on WordPress. Such is life. I cannot control other people, I can only control my actions. Thanks for the words of wisdom
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I was a Communication minor, with a Major in Psychology. While I don’t outright consider myself an expert in communication, I learnt a valuable lesson this year. Although I might be using those strategies I’ve learnt in my conversations. If the other person isn’t doing the same thing, despite my efforts, they will still misunderstand me. I’ve learnt to use the phrase “if I’m hearing you correctly, you’re saying …”
The problem is that most people will hear you, but they’ll never repeat what they think they heard, then they just run with their thought. I’ve learnt to stop beating my head against a wall, I’m no longer going to be responsible for what the other person thought they heard.
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That actually made me laugh. Lol. I laughed because it seems we have a similar train of thought. I mentioned to my wife yesterday, when you have a discussion with an illogical minded person, the conversation is like chatting with a wall. Regardless what you say, the discussion will always be one-sided.
A person who refuses to think with logic, is a person who can never have a discussion with another individual. It is like you said, you cannot continue arguing with someone based on what they think they heard. You can only discuss what you actually said. If they continue debating on what they think they heard…the conversation is over.
I appreciate the response. It gives me an additional perspective. Thanks
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The frustrating part was that the situation that made me realize that, we also talked about how I was always direct, sometimes even too blunt. But wait for it, they also said I say what I mean. I just simply put my hands in my palm, and then asked, so if what I said made you feel a certain way, and what I said didn’t sound deliberately hurtful, remind me again why you still thought I meant to be deliberately hurtful?
Lol I used “I feel” and “so what I’m hearing from you…” statements, yet my friend still completely misunderstood me. To top it all off, once I was told how I could have done the situation differently, from my memory that was exactly what I did, luckily I did have a witness; my friend completely slept through that part of the conversation.
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People tend to blur the lines of insult vs miscommunication, by allowing their interpretation to trigger a negative reaction, completely undermining your actual wording. In other words, my wording was very clear and neutral, but your emotions allowed you to negatively misinterpret. People use their feelings far more than necessary, when communicating with others. You should use your emotions as an advantage while conversing with others, not to your disadvantage.
I can only imagine past conversations you had with this friend, and the number of times they departed the discussion thinking you were maliciously insulting them. Lol
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Fear is an interesting emotional block. It clouds our judgement, and makes our view distorted. Sometimes I’m sure of what I’m seeing, and it makes me wonder how many times I was looking at something through distorted lenses. Whenever possible I try to ask questions, to see if I’m seeing things the same way as the other person. Lol I can be very confident and sure of myself, and I guess that sometimes deters others from telling me their real opinions. It’s funny though, because I we don’t agree, I’ll leave it at that. My only goal is to find out what you actually think, it doesn’t matter whether we agree. Sometimes I think people are afraid that you’ll hold it against them, while I don’t generally do that, it’s still hard for people to trust that; and that is what’s fascinating about people.
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I think you’re quite delightful, so don’t let the turkeys get you down. We’re living in a time where political correctness has a way of trumping critical thinking skills. That means we need people more than ever, who just calmly speak their truth anyway.
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Thanks for the post. Political correctness is now becoming a shaming tactic of sorts. Everyone has hurt feelings today and sadly, they are allowing one’s hurts feelings to fall under oppression or criminal behavior. I do not want our son or daughter, to enter a world where objecting to a promiscuous act, is shaming those who are promiscuous. I do not want them to feel fearful speaking logically on a topic, because someone’s behavior will be pointed out and hurt their feelings.
I do not want my son to ask out a girl politely, and she send out a tweet that she is suffering from PTSD, all because a guy just raped her. We now have people saying rape stare, and classifying verbal abuse as rape. This is why I will always have distinctions on real rape and illogical interpretations of rape.
If I were a real rape victim and read verbal abuse is now classified as rape, I would start a campaign silencing idiots. This genuinely undermines real victims. Rape stare? Wow. Soon, they will classify the purchase of flowers for your wife, as an example of rape.
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“If I were a real rape victim and read verbal abuse is now rape, I would start a campaign silencing idiots”
This is actually very true. Nothing is more irritating than some fragile flower declaring “trigger” as if something you have said or written has now triggered her PTSD, so everyone must walk on eggshells from here on. You encounter it fairly often on the internet. It’s annoying because it’s a shaming tactic designed to silence you, but also it’s demeaning towards genuine rape survivors and women in general.
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Keep talking. I think that the more a matter is discussed and in the open…without it being an excuse to seek out something dramatic but to be reasonable, as in you writing about it, the better we, as a community, can have expectations of each other.
I believe that rape is a terrible and horrible act. I also believe comments that imply someone deserves it are kerosene on fire just as I believe that women who gets “tricked” into saying yes (like in your article about boys learning how to lie and get in a girls pants) then the girl has buyer’s remorse because that boy moves on the following Monday and her heart is broken cannot think that she’s entitled to call it rape. Yes he is an asshat and a real dirt bag…sorry he used you but you (me, I’ve been tricked) let him…
If men don’t want a bunch of jaded women running around being man hatters they need to start acting like gentlemen…all the time…
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Good day and thank you very much. They say evil continues when good people stand by and do nothing. I view the same with ignorance. Lol. If you notice something, you should point it out. This person is still trying to ruin my good name online, but through WP. I used this blog post to point them out. My wife said it best, “They want you to validate what they do, yet their feelings have nothing to do with you, but their own guilt/disdain upon reading the actual definition.”
You, myself and all other logical minded people agree rape, murder, theft and crimes are horrible. Any person who either undermines actual rape or inflates the subject to meet their illogical interpretation of rape…they are both ridiculous in my book. I believe in boys becoming young gents in training right away. By the time they are teenagers, being an actual gentleman is second nature. This is the world I envision. Unrealistic perhaps, but a guy can dream. Lol.
Thank you sincerely for the post.
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Ok one last saved round. I read your original article that prompted this, my comments will probably be one sided, however I’d still like to make them. I read your article and I didn’t see rape come into the topic until the comments. As for the first comment that did mention rape, for me it sounded like you were both in agreement about “slut shaming.” I’m not sure how the person reading your article took it the way they did.
Which brings me to my point, I don’t remember what the specific term is called. But basically what happens is if someone has a specific topic or theme in their head, they’ll tend to see it everywhere. That is specifically why I don’t like communicating via text, it doesn’t allow for facial expressions, tone of voice, and mood. From your article I didn’t see it as being negative, or meant to put down or degrade anyone, but I can see how someone who’s generally negative can take it that way.
I try to refrain from debating with others via a text medium, I’ve found that while I may be smiling and writing something. It soon turns to “you’re mean, that was nasty what you said” to which my response is usually “wait what are you talking about, are we having the same conversation?”
I understand your writing, and I find what you’re saying inspiring and thought provocative. Continue to write, don’t let one odd instance of a misunderstanding stop you. As I’m sure you know, when we put ourselves out there, there won’t be a shortage of people who completely miss our point. It’s a missed opportunity for them, but as you continue to become more enlighten. Sadly you learn how little most people don’t understand. Tomorrow is a new day, stay classy and a Gentleman!!
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The definition for rape was changed by the US government in 2012. The objective was to finally include males as the victim, but they did a poor job. If you read it now, it still swings in favor of female victims. “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”
If you read this carefully, you will notice instances where a male performing cunnlingus against his consent, and without penetration of the tongue…it is not classified as rape.
We have some women today who say any form of PIV (penis in vagina) is rape. They do not separate consent from no consent, because all PIV is without consent. You have people today who say: If she consents Tuesday, but awakes Thursday morning and regrets the act, that is rape.
Mary P. Koss says, “Although consideration of male victims is within the scope of the legal statutes, it is important to restrict the term rape to instances where male victims were penetrated by offenders. It is inappropriate to consider as a rape victim a man who engages in unwanted sexual intercourse with a woman.” This leaves me speechless.
With biased definitions like this and irrational ones like PIV, I have to set a clear distinction between “real” victims and people who consider saying “good morning” as rape. I would never allow an individual to undermine my message to write. Lol. I wrote the blog post to point out the lack of fighting fair online. I admire your explanation, because it is definitely easy to misinterpret text
I may be wrong on finding the condition you were getting at, so tell me if I am correct. Bellenkes (1997) conducted research on frequency expectations, and found that people create a mental model about how frequently an event is likely to occur. Unconsciously, that expectation affects how much they look for an event to occur, which affects how much attention they pay to looking for the event.
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Hopefully they’ll see your response and learn a thing or two. I think my favorite part is “kick rocks with a pair of open toe sandals.” LOL.
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I have been saying the phrase for so long, I was interested to know if a picture would represent the humor. I do not like negative energy. Even if my wife has had a bad day, I relieve it by sharing my energy. I think life is too short. Sometimes what we feel inside, we project outward in the midst of a discussion. So in essence, we are debating on our feeling, and not the exact information presented.
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Reblogged this on fortyfive9s and commented:
I am a literal thinker (Aspergers) and people almost always blow me away with their interpretation of what I am saying. I almost always mis-interpret what NT’s (neuro-typicals or non-Aspergers) people say. My way of processing information is very different so I spend my life replying with ” So are you saying……..?” to most things people communicate to me. I get met with anger, hostility, or the “duh, are you stupid” look, yet I am only looking for the very thing you are asking for, clarification so I don’t misunderstand. It’s not so hard is it?
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I actually have a slight understanding for Aspergers, and that involves critical thinking. There is nothing wrong with your approach. That way, you diminish the existence of miscommunication. That is a pretty good approach. Wow, it is really a great way to bring clarity. I am having difficulty understanding why anyone would take issue with this approach. Miscommunication happens daily and sadly, people exit the conversation completely unaware of what was actually said. Instead, they are carrying their feelings on what they believe was said. I have seen friendships and romantic relationships crumble because of this. Do not stop this method of communication. It is an incredible way to understand what someone conveys. If anything, I would prefer this approach over misinterpretation any day of the week.
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