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Two months are almost behind us, since my opinion that A Good Man Is Not Hard To Find. After some reflection on the opinion piece, I hope the message was not misconstrued. I will admit, dirt bags can ruin the dating process for all men. Their mistakes somehow become our mistakes. Soon, you begin having tunnel vision, where you are unable to discern good men from the bad ones. However, I still believe that a good man is not hard to find, well, if a good man is what you truly desire.
If you do not see value in a long-term romantic relationship, and the list of conditions on what you desire from a man is unimportant, that is quite fine with me. If you are at a point in your life, where you simply desire living in the moment, by all means, this is your right. However, own up to this decision and stop blaming a lack of good men, for your state of single-hood.
Is a good man hard to find?
Honestly, it all depends on your definition of a good man, how you present yourself and the type of energy that you emit. If you want a good man, by this logic, you must be a good woman. If I make an adamant rule, where my wife must have a fit physique, I BETTER have a comparable physique to match this requirement. If I do not, yet make it an obligation for her…that is clearly hypocritical.
I will ask again, are you a good woman? It is fine and dandy to throw men under the bus, because they do not fit your standards of being a good man. However, you somehow believe he should overlook the skeletons in your closet.
You believe that he is unworthy of taking home to mom and dad, because he has too many children out-of-wedlock, does not earn $250K annually and has a history of infidelity. That is funny; last week you had sex with the entire Pittsburgh Steelers football team, and have no idea what career path to take. Yet, he should completely overlook these matters, and receive criticism for his baggage.
In your eyes, he falls short when it comes to your standards, and is not worthy of meeting your family. I see things differently. What makes you so special, that you are you worthy of meeting his mom and dad?
I am not a fan of casting stones upon the actions of others, when my actions are far more severe. It is one thing to have an opinion; it is another to pass judgment, when your skeletons will completely overwhelm theirs.
The fact of the matter is this, just as there are horrible male suitors, there are great men in plain sight. You choose to overlook these men because of qualities you do not desire…not until it was too late that is.
The boys you classified as nerds in high school, you thought they were lame. You instead chose the guy everyone admired. The nerd went on to create Microsoft at the age of 20 and the other guy, well; he has multiple children throughout the country, and refuses to hold down a job. I am sure that nerd is looking rather handsome right about now.
Set reasonable expectations, communicate them and understand a person may not have everything you desire in a mate. I am not asking you to settle, and I do not believe anyone should settle for any relationship. Instead, try not to undermine people, simply because they do not fit a superficial standard, especially when you fail to meet them yourself.
A good man is not hard to find, if that is exactly what you are looking for.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Thank you for creating another thought provoking read. I’ve read somewhere that you need to live and be the kind of person you’d like to meet. While I’m not doing a good job of that right now, I feel as though I don’t meet the criteria for dating. For me it seems that especially with online dating, there’s a block that’s preventing me for getting the results I desire. In the past I would have gotten upset with that. While looks, physical fitness, and sexual chemistry are important. It’s far more important that I find someone who shares my values, beliefs and faith. If the women I’m interacting with are too focused on materialistic things, they’ve done me a favor, they won’t have been a good match for me anyway. I like your main question though, if you’re looking for a Good Man, “are you a Good Woman?”
When it comes down to it, we all need to take responsibility for ourselves, as the saying goes “don’t throw rocks if you live in a glass house.
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Good day bud. I hope you have been well. Thanks for reading and commenting. I have not been active lately, due to offline matters. I think I can agree with that assessment, where you must be the kind of person you seek. The logic makes sense to me. What makes you believe that you do not meet the criteria for dating? Are you saying at this point, you are not mentally in a place to share your life with another person? Or is it something else? I know you said there is a block, but what exactly do you mean?
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Welcome back to the Interwebs, you’ve been missed. Not to worry the dialogue you started has continued on.
To answer your question I’m not sure what the block is specifically. I’ve also been crazy busy with work, and have looked to Online Dating to fill the gap. Lol not gotten the responses I was hoping for, guess the competition is stiff. A general consensus seems to be that women are looking for men with money, and financial status. While I have my Bachelors, I don’t exactly work exciting jobs with $$$ income potential. Perhaps it’s my bias, but I feel as though if I don’t meet certain Financial standards, I don’t get a second look. I’m not trying to pass the buck off, I’m sure my lack of enthusiasm and not being actively social is a big factor also. I’m intelligent, I have my head on straight and I have an idea of what kind of life I want. Where I am Career wise had more to do with recovering from past mistakes, and enjoying the journey life has presented me with. I’m learning to live more in the moment, and not be too obsessed with goals. In the past I had set goals, expecting to find happiness at the end if that rainbow, only for it to fall apart. It’s ok though, through living and being more aware, I’m learning you find happiness in the moments along your journey. Happiness isn’t a destination, but something you find along the way.
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Thanks bud. It is great to be back. LoL. Online dating, in my opinion of course, is a great deal when both parties enter the equation with compatible expectations, which they communicate. Trust me bud…you can and will find a girl via online dating that is not looking for a financial boost. I am not saying that as an opinion. You can honestly find everything you are looking for online. You can find a girl interested in simply having sex tonight. You can find a girl who is only interested in money. You can find a girl looking to get married within the next three months. You can find a girl who wants to have a threesome, with her and the husband. You can find everything. LOL. Where do you have a dating profile?
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Wow you’re one funny dude, and in a good way, funny ha ha. You’re right though, my online experience is what I make of it. Actually my previous 3 relationships have been from Online. They didn’t work out because either they weren’t the right match for me, or it was more short term.
I’m currently on OkCupid, I’m thinking of going back to Match, actually my previous relationships were mostly eHarmony.
I’m a bit better equipped this time around, perhaps I’ll have one of my female friends help me spruce up my profile, you know get a girls perspective 😁
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LoL. Online can be a great tool, so hopefully this time around with Match, if you go back of course, the success is a long-term one.
It is always great gaining their perspective. Most of my blogs do not upload, without my wife first reading the draft. Her insight is priceless, especially if it is a topic relating to women.
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“Last week you had sex with the entire Pittsburgh Steelers football team, and have no idea what career path to take. Yet, he should completely overlook these matters, and receive criticism for his baggage.” Wow! You hit the nail on the head when you made the quoted statement. Women! Not all! But some!
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Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Terribly sorry about my inactive state on the blog. Lol. I hear it often, and it always confused me with women in general. They want a guy to meet XYZ on their checklist, yet when you dig deep, THEY do not meet XYZ on their own darn checklist. Lol. Huh? How does that work ma’am. I witnessed this in grade school, all the way to college. It did not change at all. The women simply got older.
Guy: So you mean to tell me, I need XYZ, in order for you to date me. Okay. Do you have XYZ?
Woman: No I do not. Is that a problem?
Guy: (Blank stare) you want me to have all of these qualifications, yet you do not possess any. How does this make sense?
Woman: Are you telling me I cannot have a preference? This is why I cannot stand men.
Guy: (Blank stare)
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Agreed. Young women and even some not so young women don’t realise that their looks aren’t going to last forever and that they,yes ” they” gasp! are not a great catch themselves if all they are looking for is someone to look after them or who “looks good” only.
The “bad boys” will only serve to waste their time and hurt their hearts and later on when they are begging for a nice guy (and they ALL eventually do), they will have all been snapped up by the “smart” girls and all that’s left is the loser, older bad boys who are now pathetic..
To me nice=reliable and caring which are attributes needed to share a life with another human being and Bad=unreliable, fickle, selfish, cheater, materialistic, shallow…… and the list goes on,hardly conducive to being a family man.
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Good day and terribly sorry for the delay. My sense of activity has dwindled, due to offline matters. Thank you very much for reading, commenting and being inspired. It is an honor. I look forward to reading your post.
The thing that ALWAYS rubbed me the wrong way with males and females…they say things about what they expect from a partner, but you look at them and know their history/present, completely aware that they do not meet any of those expectation themselves. It is hypocritical, but apparently, If I say this, I’m a bad guy. No, you are a hypocrite. Lol. You cannot be obese and then set a clear message, that your partner must have the physique of a fitness champion. It is hypocritical. I like your understanding of nice vs bad. You get it…sadly, far too many do not.
My wife told me a story of a “nice guy” in her high school that the girls made fun of. He was interested in dating one of her friends, but they completely rejected him. Fast forward to a recent run in with the guy, he owns a rather successful company. Guess who thinks he is relationship material now? The same girl who turned him down. Nothing changed about him physically–same guy. His income changed though. Lol. It is too late because he found a woman who appreciated him as he was.
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Yes those pesky “offline matters” – read “life” lol
The most high maintenance gold diggers are the pickiest and the ugliest inside! but as you commented in your wife’s story, those girls lose their shine and realise they actually missed the boat! ahhh karma. I think it’s actually a mums job to pass that lesson on to a daughter it baffles me why they don’t look ahead.
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Lol. I once said to my wife, “Imagine a world where people would determine who you are, not by a pretty face, but by the person you are inside.” Some of the so-called “most beautiful” people are the most vile inside.
I do think she plays a HUGE role, when it comes to showing her daughter how to conduct herself. When that piece is missing, as well as the role her father plays, this is when you encounter people unaware of who they really are.
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Im going to like, like, like that comment, thanks
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Pingback: If you are a”nice” guy, click here | askarealwoman.com
You Inspired me to write a post for the good guys on my blog titled “If You Are A Nice Guy, Click Here” I have mentioned your blog and this post as my inspiration, hope thats ok with you and thanks
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I absolutely love the message you’ve put forward here! Specially the part where you say “If you want a good man, by this logic, you must be a good woman.” This is the basic rule I wish all us women followed.
Somehow, women run after all the jerks and then at the end of a considerable amount of time say the jerk doesn’t love me! Well, you did choose him in first place, didn’t you?
I am referring this blogpost of yours to a friend who’ll love this! He has your perspective entirely, just not a blog to put it out through 🙂
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I hope you have been well lately. How has the week neen? I am not as active due to offline matters, but I try to come on occasionally to respond and read other blogs. Thanks for reading and responding. I think this post was definitely an important one. My wife loved it. Lol.
I always believe you cannot ask for something from someone else, that you don’t practice. If you want a guy who is faithful, why do you practice infidelity? If you want a woman who believes in respect, why is it okay for you to disrespect her? Lol. Hypocrisy.
I have read this, “I love bad boys” concept, and yet, they explain how bad boys treat them poorly. I would presume that comes along with the territory. Lol. More importantly, what one person considers a “bad boy,” seems to differ with the next. I think the title needs to change, similar to so-called “nice” guys. Thanks for sharing.
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Love this. It really is all about how you present yourself. I think we are conditioned to “find Prince Charming” for all the wrong reasons. I know so many of my friends who are looking for someone who is taller than they are, chocolate brown eyes, good career, etc that they are forgetting those things eventually go away and how he treats you stays. I agree, girls are partly responsible for this “horrible dating culture”.
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Thank you for reading. I appreciate the gesture. They usually tell you what the ideal guy is, but they fail to also explain how you should be the ideal you. That is akin to telling a boy how to find the ideal wife, and refusing to teach the boy how to be an ideal husband. We live in a world where they say you can do and say anything you wish, but it is okay to reject accountability for your actions.
If a relationships is good, both partners play a role and if a relationships fails, both partners must play a role. It is strange how we allow people to think it is okay to blame everyone else, when things turn sour, versus taking ownership. I am here to say pointing the blame at others–it is not okay. LOL
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I’m glad you found time to visit my blog because I was able to discover all these wonderful perspectives you have. I agree with you on this, it’s common to like the more popular guys when we’re younger since there’s that “need” to be associated with them. But when we get older (and start thinking about having our own families), we begin to appreciate the so-called “unpopular” yet good men. I’m glad to have found one too. 🙂
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It is my pleasure. I enjoy engaging with others, because I learn through our discussions. With this piece, I was looking to counterbalance the message they hear and see, because in all honesty, good men are there if that is what you truly desire.
As we get older, the things we believe are valuable in a partner, seem to lose that value. It is not about settling–it is about understanding what really matters in the long-term. My wife did not settle with me, and I did not settle with her. We were both crafted for one another.
Here is to many more years for your relationship. Energy is not lost–it is simply transferred. I would like to send some in your direction. Thanks for reading and responding to this piece.
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“my wife did not settle with me, and I did not settle with her. ” – your wife must really love you! haha. but seriously, i loved that statement. your perspectives are really worth sharing. 🙂
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Yes… she really does. Due to her, my Instagram posts all tackle relationships. I haven’t logged in for nearly two weeks, so I know she wants a new post. Lol. When you have someone like her, positive relationships seem natural. So, when you witness others living in turmoil, it is easy to spot. I truly do love my wife. Thank you for reading again. It’s a pleasure
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