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The age-old question involving why men and women cheat will never go away. I am rather sure there are a thousand reasons, as to why psychologists believe males and females cheat on one another. Some reasons overlap and others may not. I will leave my perspective on that topic for another day. Instead, through One Gentleman’s Perspective, I will address one area specifically.
Women often wonder why their boyfriends and/or husbands are able to cheat, and yet, are able to return to them and say, I love you. They often wonder if a man loves a woman and wants to remain with her, why he would find himself in the arms of other women.
As a blogger, I am learning how to communicate online better, so as usual, I have to set a disclaimer. It is far too easy for one’s online message to experience a thorough analysis, undergoing scrutiny because of interpretation …
That is wrong because …
or
That did not happen to me, so ...
When you read a post from One Gentleman, the perspective is merely an opinion and usually based entirely on experience.
I cannot speak for all men because I am only one guy and in 2011, the estimated male population was about 3.4 billion.
I cannot speak for all gentlemen as well because I am not the authority on the lifestyle of a gentleman. I am only a member of this club—not the owner or originator.
With that said, in my experience, when a man cheats on you and has no qualms coming back as if nothing happened, it does not mean he necessarily loves you still, nor does it mean he may no longer love you.
I know this sounds weird. However, consider the number of times something you did brought harm to people you hardly care for.
Now, compare that total to the number of times you caused harm to people, whom you actually do care for. I cannot say for a fact of course, however, I am sure during your lifetime, your actions will hurt the people you love most.
Is this in any way condoning, justifying or saying you should instantly forgive a man who betrays your trust, just because as humans, we will always hurt the people we love?
Am I saying you must accept that men will simply cheat? On the contrary, it is the complete opposite. I am trying to have you remove from your mind while posing the question, the word love.
I am not saying you should overlook if he truly loves you or not. However, for this particular situation, try to refrain from only viewing their love or lack thereof, as the factor determining his faithfulness.
If you base the question solely on love, think back to all of the wrongs committed upon loved ones, by you of course.
Since you made these wrongs, does it mean you did not or do not love your family and friends? More than likely, no is the answer to this question.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
That was really well said. Men and women tend to perceive love differently, so putting it in terms of respect is a great way to help women sort it all out.
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While writing this, I had no idea it would generate positive interest. Lol. I actually thought it would trigger anger. Thanks for understanding where I was coming from. I didn’t want women to think I was asking them to accept infidelity, but to approach their understanding from a different angle. You definitely grasped where I was coming from. We do tend to perceive love differently, so I learn a lot by engaging with my wife, sisters, mom and friends. It allows me to communicate better
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Amazing post!
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Thank you very much. Thanks for taking the time to read these two pages of my thoughts. There are many other blogs, but you ended up here. I appreciate and value your time. Thanks. I only wanted women to view this topic from a different angle.
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
This is a question that has befuddled relationship experts let alone us mere mortals for thousands of years… back in the cave we would have shared a hearth with a man and he could pop and sit by any other hearth that he fancied. The idea was to procreate and women were nobbled by having 9 months between producing babies. Spreading the love had a purpose. Today not quite so much. With nearly 8 billion people on the planet that purpose is more or less redundant. Women’s and most men’s expectations have changed and we now expect both parties to stay by the same fireplace… What is your view on the subject? In my opinion trust, like happiness is a decision you have to make and nurture. Both are the foundation of a happy relationship and once violated in any form it takes time and committment to move forward. Or you can just buy a ball and chain!
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As usual, thank you very much for taking time out of your day, to bless my post with your presence. Your response was perfectly stated. Trust for me is like a glue, which binds you to your partner.
The greater your trust, the stronger the bond. With each infringement, the bond loosens just a bit. When the transgressions continue, the bond becomes so weakened, it becomes difficult to reverse the damage for some. My wife and I trust one another immensely, so the value of her trust is priceless. I refuse to ever infringe upon the glue, which binds us together. Thank you very much for the reblog. It is always a pleasure
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Thank you for bringing a refreshing perspective to the table. To be hones I get very irritated with the shenanigans that the media loves to showcase when I know from experience that there are a majority of couples who are perfectly happy mating for life….. look forward to you next posts. Have a good week. best wishes Sally
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I’m surviving infidelity. It’s not easy but it can be done. I have a relative that have been married about the same amount of years I have been on earth. She told me to learn to forgive and move on (more or less). I took her advice. I struggle with trusting my husband but he deals with my insecurities by reminding himself that he caused the wound.
Great post!
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Infidelity is a difficult beast to challenge. If your friend lies to you about something small, the lie remains in the back of your mind. You do not hold it against them, but you cannot simply erase the action. This intensifies tenfold, when your partner betrays your trust through infidelity. I can only imagine the hurt, so I know “getting over” infidelity is not easy. Someone I imagined was close to me, did a rather horrible action, and they’ve dodged contact with me.
I don’t hold it against them, but the relationship is obviously strained. This person is not my wife and yet, the relationship that I have with them is badly strained because of their action. My wife asks me often how I feel about the relationship with this person, or well, lack thereof now. Once again, this intensifies tenfold, when you picture the harm infidelity brings. You spend everyday with your partner, so the things they do hurt greater.
Surviving infidelity is most definitely possible. Personally, I believe you have to go back to square one in the relationship. You are akin to birthing a new child, and showing them how to eat, crawl, walk and talk again. Our elders are very wise, because they’ve been there and done that. They witnessed a poor action, and then looked back 20 years in that poor action. We experience a poor action and do not get to see ourselves in the future, looking back on the action. We simply see the moment and refuse to see beyond it. In other words, their feeling at the moment, is not what they experienced 20 years later. Time changed their perception.
When you get to the reason for the infidelity, that is the starting point of healing yourself, and if you desire, healing the relationship. Thank you for sharing this story and reading. I appreciate your time.
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Reblogged this on Clothed with Dignity and Strength and commented:
WOW, Very insightful…
A quote from the post “If you base the question solely on love, think back to all of the wrongs committed upon loved ones, by you of course. Since you made these wrongs, does it mean you did not or do not love your family and friends? More than likely, no is the answer to this question.”
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Thank you very much for stopping by. I honestly wasn’t aware the post would resonate with others. Thanks for taking the time to read and then share. I appreciate it
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I don’t know why it’s not on my page that I reblogged it…I was helpful for me.
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That is quite alright. It is the thought that ultimately counts. Once again, thank you for taking the time to read. I think this topic of infidelity connects with others, so I should utilize more posts on the subject. Perhaps it can help someone along the way
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Excellent perspective! Well-written! I especially love the last paragraph and the question you raised.
❤ carmen
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Thank you very much. I try to think of things we discuss often, but add a spin through my perspective. I was not aware it would connect with others. My wife read the post and said she loves it, because it provided an angle she never took into consideration, concerning the topic of infidelity. Thank you for reading as usual. It’s always a pleasure
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An amazing thoughtful posting.
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Thank you very much. I am grateful for you taking the time to read. Time is valuable, so it’s a pleasure having you dedicate some of it to this post.
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I believe its very simple. Men crave something “new”. Falling in lust creates a feeling of being needed and admired, by someone other than the woman that you go through the everyday struggles of life with. This “side piece” way of thinkng is more prevelant now than ever.
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That’s one reason a person can go astray, but it goes far deeper than that–in my opinion. Everyone desires a sense of newness. As far as the “side-piece” dilemma, it is such an interesting topic. Thank you very much for sharing your perspective.
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