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Advice, Couples, Culture, Dating, Inspiration, Marriage, Motivational, OneGentlemansPerspective, Opinion, Personal, Reflection, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
As a young man walking the path of a gentleman, in the way that I know best, there will be missteps along the way. I am not perfect now, nor could I attain perfection tomorrow. I surely do not know everything, because each day I learn something new about myself and others.
Whenever I share my perspective on this blog, the perspective is absent of malicious intent. Whenever I provide my take on a subject matter, if it relates to your life in any way, the intent is not to pass judgment.
If the perspective involves what I consider the truth, it is void of malice. The purpose of my truth is to go against what I consider harmful, for one’s personal development.
My way of thinking is based on a collection of readings, observations and mistakes from my own past. Each area has assisted in developing the gentleman I strive to be.
My way of thinking is neither right, nor is it wrong—it is simply my way of thinking. I can learn from a 75-year-old scholar, as much as I am able to learn from an 8-year-old relative.
I love bespoke and tailored clothing, detest counterfeit goods, consider children as the greatest aspect of humanity, and think ANY person who preys upon children should suffer excruciatingly painful repercussions.
I know that last sentence may bother some people, but I will not retract the statement. I am not going to pray for you, but you are free to ask for repentance. I am sure that sentence may bother some people as well. However, I adore children and their innocence. The thought of what they must endure, at the hands of a monster is mind-numbing.
But I digress.
I was cleaning up as my wife was out shopping, and suddenly, I found myself in deep thought. I put down the cleaning supplies for a bit, picked up my phone and decided to write.
Negative-minded people are like a cancer. You can locate them in all facets of life. This explains why many young boys are unable to become gentlemen. It comes as no surprise, why so many girls prefer looking up to the raunchiest pop star, as opposed to being ladies.
One of my favorite quotes from Albert Einstein involves the message of energy.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.
Negative-minded people come in many forms. Some are family members, some are our friends, others happen to be your neighbor, fellow church worshipper, business partner, etc. They are like a cancer, because like a cancer, they do not discriminate.
They dress in the clothing of something or someone you should trust, which leads you to lower your guard. They say things to pull their way into your lives. They inquire about how you are doing, and what you are up to. However, their interest has little to do with your well-being.
My dad would often say…
The enemy cannot cause chaos, unless it knows what you are doing.
My uncle would often say…
Don’t let your right hand know what the left is doing, because your friends are few but enemies are many.
These people latch onto you to cause destruction, the best way they know how, which is by asking questions and knowing all about your activities.
They are like a cancer, because when you are doing well, they cannot thrive. However, your downfall is their victory. People fear enemies, but your enemy is not someone to fear.
You must be aware of what I consider destruction wearing improvement’s clothing. Similar to a wolf in sheep’s clothing, these people come bearing gifts, masking themselves as someone who desires your best interest, when in reality, they are seeking the best way to interrupt your progression.
Whatever your progression happens to be, their only goal is to impede it from occurring. As opposed to empowering their own mundane lives, they seek success through your failure.
They are like a cancer, because they cannot thrive when you are doing well. The negative energy from these people, maintains relevance only when it shares itself. Their goal is to spread as much negative energy as possible, to as many as possible.
Through my observation, young boys are unable to become men, let alone gentlemen, because the ones they seek for guidance can only share the only thing they know—complete chaos.
I notice this often, whenever there is a discussion involving something positive. Suddenly, along comes this air of negativity.
After three years of dead-end relationships, you finally encounter an amazing guy you met in your Pilates class. Along comes your single friend, whispering negativity in your ear.
1Are you sure you should trust a guy you met at the gym?
2What is his relationship status on Facebook?
3You know how your past relationships turned out. I don’t think this guy is any different.
4I don’t know, but he might be on the down-low. He works out too much for my taste.
Misery is an occupant who cannot reside in this world, without knowing it has company. – One Gentleman
Your smile triggers her frown. Your joy creates her anger. However, when you are down, she is up. When your relationship ends, she is there smiling with, I told you so.
She is a cancer.
Your life cannot progress in the presence of this disease. It does not matter which person in your life represents this cancer—remove them immediately. Strip them from your life, because you will only make excuses for their actions due to their title.
Negativity…it feeds on your dreams by spreading its vibes, little by little. Eventually you become so infected, you begin spreading the disease to others. Before you know it, that book you were looking to finish, is suddenly scrapped. You begin to doubt your abilities.
Before you know it, the woman you were an inch away from proposing to, is now but a memory. Unexpectedly, you found yourself questioning the relationship.
Before you know it, the relocation overseas for a well-deserved promotion, seems out of reach. An eerie kind of energy surrounds your thoughts, calling the move a bad decision, even though it is one you have worked 12 years to reach.
When positive-minded individuals hear about your dreams and aspirations, they think of ways to encourage your process.
When negative-minded individuals encounter your dreams and aspirations, their only goal is to produce doubt. With doubt, it can make the most gifted individual throw in the towel, moments away from accomplishing their goal.
I matured and experienced the first steps towards a gentleman’s lifestyle, by observing negative and positive energy in action. Positive-minded people are always genuine, even when they say things that you may disagree with.
Negative-minded people always have a hint of hatred, jealousy and disdain, in everything they do, even when they appear agreeable. The signs are subtle and other times, the signs are blatant.
How can you tell?
Well, that topic is for another day. For now, I am interested in knowing two things. Why do you believe many prefer a life of spreading negative energy? Did you ever have to separate yourself from a loved one, all due to their negative energy?
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Awesome post. So well said, too. I suspect some of us actually get addicted to negativity, until it simply becomes a way of life. We need constant reminders from positive people to knock it off 🙂
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Thank you Mrs. Insanity Bytes. Negativity spreads like a drug, and before you know, people are looking for their next fix. This is when as you have stated perfectly, “it simply becomes a way of life.” It is such a shame. A life filled with negativity, is a horrible life in my opinion.
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Interesting post. I’ve been reading lately on mindsets, and how there is a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. Negativity is one of the common character traits of someone with a fixed mindset, and it definitely can be difficult to deal with.
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Thanks for checking out this post. It seems I have learned something new today. After reading your post, I decided to check out Google for “Fixed Mindset.” Thank you for sharing this information. It is actually quite interesting. I was obviously completely unaware, so thank you,
Those with a fixed mindset, “spend their lives documenting their intelligence or talent, instead of developing them.” This is allowing me to see things vastly different now. Thanks
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Glad you found something of value there. There are some really interesting studies on fixed mind sets, that have a lot of value to people like you and I (who seem to spend time thinking and writing about relationships). Someone’s mindset can change, but it requires a lot of effort
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Minds that have been trained to think negatively through life experience…abused women by a spouse…parents that are narcissists or perfectionist, or neglectful, abusive…verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, some foster children passed through the system that never find stability, absent fathers/mothers, rejected children, abused children, religious brain washing/cults that subject followers to sexual and physical abuse or students to think life is all about suffering and creates a mind set that is always wondering when the next catastrophe will strike in their life even at good times in life…they are always waiting fearfully for what is behind the next corner in life…it creates a neurological pattern in the mind that usually can not be changed with out A LOT of help and many times medication, many people do not have the financial resources for this kind of treatment ..
Being positive is all well and good, but can also be dangerous… I think we do well to be Vigilant…to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst…life does have horrible people in it and we can’t just take them out of our lives all the time…many times we have to face them daily at work…and in the right mind these people/circumstances stand to build character in us. Sometimes people need to be cut out for a time until there is mutual respect and they can talk rationally…other times people just need to be cut out.
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I think there is a difference between someone who is optimistic, and someone who refuses to spread negative energy into the lives of others. I think there is a difference between someone who is pessimistic, and then someone whose intent is to impose negativity in your life, by wishing failure in everything you do.
To see a difficult challenge in the path of your friend, where you say “this is going to be one rough road. There will be countless things to test your resilience along the way, so remain consistent and never give up.” This is someone well aware of the reality of the difficulty, but this is someone also encouraging.
To see a difficult challenge in the path of your friend, where you say, “this is pointless. I tried it before and had to give up midway. I do not think you can do it, so you should not even try.” This is a negative-minded individual, imposing their shortfalls onto you. This person should have no place in one’s life. They are a cancer.
I can understand your perspective, but for me and those I hold dear, negative-minded people stunt growth. For me, I will not allow you occupancy in my life, after making this discovery. Hopefully the person will change, but until they do, their place in my life cannot happen. I am well aware of the difficulties with life, and someone wishing for my failure, is not necessary for me to understand this. Life is harsh and that is the card we have been dealt. Each person brings something of value–sometimes we learn negatively and sometimes, the lesson occurs from a positive encounter. However, “cancers” have no place in my vicinity.
Like you’ve said, “Sometimes people need to be cut out for a time until there is mutual respect and they can talk rationally…other times people just need to be cut out.” If they are a co-worker, you can engage with them, but only when it calls for work related alliances. Beyond that, the connection does not have to exist. No personal connection with this person should have to exist, beyond the professional connection.
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Good and thoughtful post. I frequently wonder why so many are so negative and cannot seem to break through that barrier that separates them. Power? Habit? I wish I had a better answer. I frequently think it has become a defining trait and they fear having nothing left if they let go of it. Which is so sad to me. Striving to abandon that way of life, way of thinking could empower them in so many real and sustainable ways.
Unfortunately my mother was the most negative influence in my life thus far, and I had to break away from her to have any sort of good or happy life. My husband is far more charitable most of the time, pointing out her depression and alcoholic husband (my dad). Yet it was her sense of what I refer to as “learned helplessness” that began the rift between us, and the stronger, more contented I became the greater, more forceful expansion of that rift. She rarely had a kind word for anyone. Her close friends who were once “so nice” became snakes worth of ridicule and gossip. Even my children grew into an avoidance posture with her. As they grew up, became more independent, and as their character and personalities began to take shape, even they became disenchanted with their grandmother’s negativity, put-downs, and trash talking gossip about everyone. It breaks my heart that they had to have that experience, that relationship with her, yet I was gratified to see that they recognized the example and rejected it.
At the end of her life, she wanted to be closer to me, the only surviving member of her immediate family. But I could not cope with her very well, our ingrained habits of her slights and minimizing me, or worse – my husband and children – clashing with my own need to either escape her realm or become a cruel and cutting caricature of myself. In the end it was my dear husband who did the most to ensure her basic needs were met, her shopping done, her transportation to and from medical appointments and procedures. Yet even then she was snarky and mean and small about his shortcomings, both real and imagined, and I could not, would not let that pass unnoticed. Terminally ill or not, you do not demean the man I love and share my life with and get away with it. I regret the way it had to be for my own emotional well being, regret that it came to our having to maintain a pretty consistent separation and minimal contact in the final weeks of her life. I have to live with my own choice in this matter, but I recognize it as right for me.
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Good Day. Thank you again for taking time and reading my perspective.
My parents often tell me, some people simply thrive on their hatred for the progression of others. The mere sight of you doing well, causes them pain. It must be a horrible condition to have.
“I frequently think it has become a defining trait and they fear having nothing left if they let go of it.”
That is a great way to look at it. Makes me think a bit more. Thanks for providing this.
I want to thank you for sharing the story regarding your family, because this was exactly what I was hoping someone would share. A raw and true story, as opposed to saying everyone deserves to remain in our lives. I completely disagree. Not everyone deserves to be in our lives. There are people we can “love” from a distance. To have them near can drain your well-being.
I am not saying you should hate them, nor do things to hinder them in any way. I could never suggest that. However, some people are so over the top with their negativity, you are better suited separating yourself.
“Learned helplessness.”
Ma’am, thank you again for another gem. This is why I enjoy engaging online. I learn new things from others, which enhances my understanding of the world. Thank you. This is another concept to add to my repertoire. LoL.
“She rarely had a kind word for anyone.”
I can only imagine the rift in the bond, knowing this came from your mother. Wow. I like that you did not enforce a disconnect with the kids and their grandmother, but instead, naturally allowed them to interpret their grandmother on their own. So many people impose their understanding for a relative, onto the younger generation, which causes them to grow up hating the individual before being able to make their own decision.
I am sure it was difficult to overlook everything, even though her life was drawing to its end. I hope no one can judge you for this. Your story is one only you can understand. Your husband sounds like quite the guy. He stepped in, because he knew you could not handle things, due to the history. He sounds like quite a man.
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From a longer range and more seasoned point of view, sometimes you have to let go in order to still love someone. My best example is simply this: I am diabetic and have to severely limit my ingestion of a wide variety of foods, particular sugars and carbohydrates. Limiting my consumption of those foods does not make me love them less, but I know too much is really bad for my overall health and well being. Same is true of toxic, negative influences in our lives. I do not hate my mother, but over time I recognized that her behaviors were slowly destroying my spirit. Separation, limited interaction was the only method I had of coping. It was hard, it was painful, but for me, it was for the best.
Thanks again for your kind words and allowing me to participate on your blog. I am enjoying my reading.
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I do agree people intentionally spread negativity around are like a cancer. No matter what you do, they will try to knock you down and make you feel discourage. I personally choose to walk away from those people before I get affected by them. Great job Alton! 🙂
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“No matter what you do, they will try to knock you down and make you feel discourage.”
This is a tragedy, because they find no fault in what they are doing. I am against this mentality, because it is destructive. It does not matter who you are in my eyes. If your entire being is to spread negative energy, you will not be in my life. LoL. I have no time for that type of energy. My failures should not be your success.
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