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Advice, Communication, Couples, Culture, Dating, OneGentlemansPerspective, Opinion, Personal, Reflection, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Social Media, Women
The time is now fifteen minutes after nine, which means your professor is once again late for class. You decide to check your Facebook feed for the sixth time, and you wonder why your friend continues documenting everything online about their newborn.
You think to yourself…
Does she keep anything to herself, or does she feel we need to know that her baby just pooped for the third time today?
As you scroll down, you have this burning sensation that someone is watching you.
You turn to your left, but you notice that the seat is empty. You turn to your right and there, he is staring at you as he does every morning. He quickly turns away when your eyes make contact.
What is wrong with this guy? Why does he always look at me?
This is a common question and I am sure with age, she begins to understand the why. However, there are younger and inexperienced individuals, where the answer behind why remains foreign.
Through One Gentleman’s Perspective, I believe the topic is worth addressing. By addressing the topic, I believe the answer will benefit both parties involved.
I hope to describe to her why it happens. I hope through this description, it will help him discover the next step in the process of this look.
Staring and glancing are two different things.
Staring refers to looking fixedly or vacantly at someone or something, with one’s eyes wide open.
Glancing refers to a brief or hurried look. When you do one (stare), it is a continuous and prolonged look. However, the other (glance) is brief.
I cannot speak for all males presently or all males from the past. I am speaking through my perspective, thus, an opinion.
He stares because…
One reason is that he finds you attractive. He is unable to approach you because he is unaware of the how. He is lost on what to say, even though he is well aware that you are attractive. He may want to approach you, but does not have the courage.
He glances because…
Similar to the individual above, an attraction may be present. With this glance, the intent is different.
Unlike the individual who stares, if an attraction is present, the glancer may not have the interest to approach you. Sometimes, he is simply taking a brief look in your direction that may not have anything to do with an attraction.
In summary, this glance in your direction does not mean there is a physical attraction. A number of females; young, mature, Black or White, believe every guy who glances in their direction wants to have sex with them, as if a male wanting to have sex with a female is a monumental discovery.
Relax.
It is biology. You are a female and he is a heterosexual male. He wants to have sex not because you did anything extraordinary. Instead, biology is the driver of this vehicle.
It makes heterosexual males desire females. But as mentioned before, the glance does not always mean there is an attraction.
Perhaps you simply startled him
Perhaps you remind him of a friend, sibling, actress, etc.
Perhaps he liked your hairstyle
Perhaps he is looking at something in your direction, and this thing or person is completely unrelated to you
This message goes out to all of the females possessing this notion, where everyone who looks in their direction is completely engulfed with their existence.
Take a breath and relax. The air around this ego of yours must be as suffocating, as free diving to the bottom of the ocean.
But I digress.
If we are solely referring to the glance or stare that is rooted in his attraction, but you are not interested in the guy whatsoever, I would suggest that you simply ignore him.
He has a right to stare or glance, just as you have the right to ignore and feel uncomfortable. I know that may sound weird, but you honestly have no control in this arena.
I know that lunatics within the community of provocateurs want to police speech through their feelings, but the reality is that you cannot police someone who disagrees with your opinion (unless you live in a country that does), makes you feel uncomfortable, etc.
Try to image the success rate of an arrest, if you visit a police station and do the following …
Arrest my neighbor immediately because she called me fat this morning.
Arrest this man on the trolley. A few times during the trip he glanced at me.
Arrest this blogger right this instant because she disagrees with my opinion on promiscuity.
If you are a guy who constantly stares at people, I have to tell you it is self-defeating. Not only will she will consider it a turnoff, it may also freak her out. Glancing is quite fine, however, staring is another beast entirely.
Heck, I find it strange whenever guys stare at me …
Is he sizing me up?
Is he preparing to rob me?
Why the bloody heck is he staring?
With that said, I can understand why she finds a guy staring at her as a strange behavior. Honestly, it is bloody creepy to stare at people, thus the reason I recommend against staring.
I cannot make you stop, and she cannot make you stop either. However, common sense should tell you that staring at people is weird.
If you are glancing at her because you find her attractive, simply glancing will not create the outcome you desire. If you find her attractive, erase the idea that she is out of your league, you do not know what to say, etc. These are excuses.
Glancing is the first step. If your eyes meet hers, you can use this opportunity to explain why you glanced in her direction.
What is the worst that will happen? Will she turn you down? How is that any different from her not being in your life now?
Your legs are ready to move in her direction, but your insecurities are halting your brain from allowing them to make a step forward. Because this could be the woman of your dreams, I implore you to remove the excuses. Looking is the first step, therefore, the next step is to say something like hello.
Why does he glance or stare at you? Well, it depends. Sometimes the glance or stare means he is attracted. Other times, he is looking in your direction but not necessarily looking at you. In other words, the glance may not have anything to do with you.
Sometimes the stare means that he finds you attractive, but the insecurities are halting him from knowing what to do next. Other times, he stares at you because he is just weird.
Body language can play a role in determining if the stare is that of an attraction, or it can define if the action is simply a creepy act.
This is my perspective on the topic. I would love to read yours. How do you react when you encounter someone glancing or staring at you?
For new readers, if you wish to respond with a disagreement, please read Part 1 and Part 2, which addresses the topic of disagreeing.
Fish and Chips said:
Fantastic post. I get a little uncomfortable when guys stare at me; if I notice someone is, I quickly look away and pretend I didn’t notice. I avoid it altogether. I have very low self-esteem and when someone stares (guy or girl), I immediately freak out and think there is something wrong with me. I stare at guys too even though I don’t mean to. There is a guy at my work place and everytime I glance out of the office window, he is sitting there. It’s not really attraction or anything but its due to my line of sight. I hope I don’t freak him out or anything haha.
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One Gentleman said:
I hope this message finds you well, as you transition into 2015. Thank you for checking out this post. I’ve had it saved and scheduled for a rather long time.
It can be an awkward situation when the opposite sexeis staring at you. Sometimes it can be positive and sometimes it can be negative. It’s a tricky situation. But generally speaking, it can be awkward at times.
In your situation, I can understand your reaction. The eye contact is difficult, especially when it involves a stranger. It may cause you to think they are analyzing your flaws perhaps. You may think they’re staring because there is something in your hair, on your face, in your nose, etc.
Have you talked to this guy at work before? Thanks again for stopping by.
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Asariels Muse said:
If someone is staring at me I usually go ahead and break the ice “Hi, how are you doing today?” it usually does the trick, no matter what his motives may be and it’s even friendly to say hi if the only things he’s staring at is the wall behind me.
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One Gentleman said:
I hope you had a great transition exiting out of 2014, welcoming 2015 with open arms. Thanks for checking out this post.
I actually had a passage in the post, which I eventually deleted about a month ago. It involved what I often do whenever I encounter the stare, while out with my wife. I tend to stare back, and simply play game of chicken, to see which one of us will look away first. I removed it because I didn’t want others to conclude, I am advocating for them to do this with strangers.
I definitely understand your response though. Thanks again for stopping by
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Storytime with John said:
Preach! hahaha! You know I have the same issue!
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One Gentleman said:
I genuinely hope you are doing well, after ushering the new year. I hope this year delivers much growth in all aspects of your life bud. It’s a pleasure encountering your side of the blogosphere.
I definitely know how this post relates to you. HaHa. I can understand how awkward it can get when they simply stare, as if it were a contest of sorts.
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LFFL said:
Wonderful article. When they stop staring, I get concerned. 😉
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One Gentleman said:
It’s like they say, “People only talk when there’s something about you worth discussing. When they stop talking about you, that’s when you should worry.” LoL
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SophiaOnline said:
Reblogged this on A glimpse at Sophia's world.
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One Gentleman said:
Thanks again for sharing this post. After hearing the question so frequently, I felt I should throw my perspective into the ring, and share my thoughts. Thanks. I hope you have been doing well since entering 2015
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Anonyman said:
Oh man, if I had a nickel for every time I spaced out and just happened to be looking in someone’s direction when it happened, or for that matter every time I look around and accidentally make eye contact with someone, I’d be a very rich awkward dude.
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One Gentleman said:
This is precisely the reason I inserted the idea, that some women need to ease off the high horse a bit. Not every guy who looks in your direction is attracted, or is actually looking at you. They could simply be zoning out.
I know this from personal experience.
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