I have an eclectic taste in music, which by the way is not an exaggeration. In one instance, Hans Zimmer, who happens to be my favorite composer, immerses me in a beautiful score such as the soundtrack from Man of Steel.
Shortly after, I am listening to music long before my time, such as Oh What a Night by The Dells.
While doing chores, Somewhere Inside of You by Allure featuring Julie Thompson is blasting through our speakers. Music is something we share in our marriage, and I am grateful for this connection.
The other day, I found myself listening to an R&B oldie. This time, it was Fire & Desire by Rick James and Teena Marie. As I was listening to the live performance, James touched on the topic of relationships before the actual performance of the song.
He shared a story about a woman he had immense feelings for, which was rare for him. He did things for her that he was not used to doing.
However, in the midst of falling for this woman, he discovered that she was with another man.
Perhaps this story was purely fiction, which he created for the concert. On the other hand, perhaps it did happen. The answer is irrelevant.
Nonetheless, he said…
It broke my heart. So I sat around and thought about all of the women’s hearts I had broken over the years…it’s quite a few. I didn’t feel good about myself and I didn’t feel good about the way that I treated women.
So I promised to always give a woman the amount of respect I would give myself. And I promised to apologize to women through my music. So I sat at my piano one day and I couldn’t really think of what to write. So I thought of the two things that possess me to do all of these things. One was fire and one was desire.
This resonates with me on an interesting level.
When I met my wife years ago, I did not deserve her. If I were a father and assessing the person I used to be, that boy would not come within a mile of my house and baby girl.
I was not a horrible person, but if you met my wife—you would understand.
She has this gentle aura, in the sense you would want to swat away a mosquito, if it landed on her shoulder. Thinking of her now makes me smile, but I have to admit that I did not deserve her. That does not undermine my importance as a human being. Not-at-all.
I was completely immature, lost and stubborn in how a male should treat someone. I lacked accountability, and that is destructive for any relationship.
I was akin to a number of young boys, and even men that I encounter today. A boy like that does not deserve someone like my wife.
However, something happened when we met for the first time. I remember it as if it were yesterday. During the initial moment our eyes met, she took my breath away. I have seen and interacted with a number of women, but she, she…she was everything.
I thank the Lord for turning on the light bulb during that encounter, because the moment I saw her, I knew something was different. I was unaware of this exact difference, but I innately knew that she was different.
I could not conduct myself as I normally would. I could no longer view her through the old lens. I could no longer say the things I said in the past. I did not know why, but I innately knew I could no longer be the old me. I had to change.
After we went our separate ways that evening, I knew she would have an impact on my life in some way. Interestingly, I did not specifically consider this some way, as a romantic relationship.
I knew she would have an impact, but I was not sure to what degree or capacity. However, I severed ties with all females who would be a distraction to the new me.
Though I was unaware to the capacity she would influence my life, I knew their presence would impede this. Looking back now, I am an incredibly fortunate guy, because I am lucky to have such a wonderful partner. It all started by embracing a mature decision.
Listening to the live version of the song made me realize, just what happened on our first encounter.
Though I was unaware, she was the spark that assisted in taking me out of immaturity, and subconsciously pushing me on a path towards maturity. Though I may feel I did not deserve her, it is clear someone else felt otherwise.
Not all relationships begin as mine, and not all guys experience this epiphany. However, I want current versions of my former self to understand the miracle of maturity.
There is not a day that goes by, where I am not looking at my wife, and reflecting on how grateful I am for the transformation.
When I let go of my former self, my life began. It was akin to a rebirth. I have never felt a love, like the love in my relationship. Though I imagined I did not deserve her, in reality, we both deserved one another’s love.
They say some people settle with their partners, but for me, she is akin to a sculpture specifically designed for me in every way.
I experience a similar joy seeing my wife today, as I did during our first encounter. This time however, there are memories attached to each glance, which in effect, makes her appear even more stunning.
This is an amazing feeling, one I nearly missed. One decision helped changed my entire life, and I owe that to the transformation of my maturity.
With that one decision, the love of my life is now forever mine. One poor decision could have changed the outcome, so I am fully aware that I am blessed.
Why is maturity so important? It opens your heart to experience things, your mind tries to block out.
I understand that temptation entices you to choose the other path, and I understand the results of this path. However, use me as an example, because a number of my peers are still on that path.
Not surprisingly, the way that she makes me feel is a high, which some of my peers continue chasing through a plethora of women. One amazing woman will outweigh a thousand mediocre flings.
This is my perspective on what maturity has thought me, which I was able to grasp by listening to a song. I would love to read about your lessons learned through maturity.