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Advice, Couples, Culture, Dating, Love, Men, OneGentlemansPerspective, Opinion, Personal, Reality, Relationships, Romance, Society, Women
You are 100 percent correct, and that is why you will have a difficult time meeting one.
Whenever I write, the message usually occurs with a target in mind. The concepts come to me, because I experience the discussions offline and other times online. In other words, it may not be for you, but the message is for someone.
As for the recipient of this particular message, I have no idea of the intended recipient. I simply write. I find inspiration in the strangest places and at the weirdest times.
The problem we collectively have as a people or in other words, humanity as a whole, involves the way that we equate horrible-minded women, with women as a whole. We also equate horrible-minded men, with men as a whole.
This is akin to the connection some people make when…
The nightly news often shows an armed robbery→the culprit is usually a poor Black male→armed thieves are therefore Black→all Black males are therefore criminals.
In my personal life, I have encountered this assessment. It is guilt by association. However, this is obviously not representative of everyone.
Nonetheless, due to my physical features, the individuals with this stereotype will trace me back to everything negative experienced or witnessed, involving Black males.
I see the application of this concept often with women. I should not have to set a distinction that I am not referring to all women. It is self-explanatory that I do not know all women. Instead, I am referring to the number of heterosexual women confidently shouting the phrase, I don’t need a man.
Once again, to these women, I will say you are correct and that is why you will forever remain single. Here is a little secret I have learned from my female elders…
Women who say they don’t need a man, will project this energy into all potential suitors. Like a bug repellent, this woman subconsciously becomes unattractive, and it has little to do with her physical appearance.
In my personal experience, the ones using this phrase are usually projecting their inability to understand the differences between…
Needing a companion to survive
versus
Needing a companion, in the sense that we as humans need connections with other people.
My wife will still be able to smile, watch movies, go shopping with friends, enjoy dinner with her family and travel to different countries, even if our relationship did not exist.
In other words, she does not need any man, to survive and go about her daily routine.
However, she needs a connection with me, or another romantic partner, because well, we are not meant to be alone. When you encounter a woman with an understanding for the differences between the concepts, she is unlikely to say, I don’t need a man.
What do I find most interesting about this topic? Well, whenever I encounter a woman aware of this particular difference, she’s likely to have positive relationships with her male partner. This is no coincidence.
Are there people who live alone? Yes, but once again, living alone and being alone, does not deny that humans are not meant to be alone.
I don’t need a man—this is a phrase, which I believe occurs with people refusing to understand that relationships are a team sport.
They enter relationships with such a domineering and overtly independent attitude, it infringes on the psyche of the average male. I am sorry to break it to these women, but heterosexual men will not tolerate two penises in the relationship.
Let me address this concept, before the message is misconstrued. A woman is not the slave of her companion. She is not his pet.
When I reference the concept of infringing on the psyche of males, I am addressing women purposely emasculating her heterosexual male partner.
Regardless what occurs outside of his house, you can all but guarantee that within the walls of his home, a man does not want to feel emasculated by his partner. How does this occur? It occurs when she undermines the things that make him feel like a man.
My wife considers me as head of household, which means she is not looking to challenge my position as a man. She does not desire to be a man in our relationship, because one is already present.
It does not make her beneath me, less than or inferior in any way. This is not about splitting roles in the household, where X is suited for males and Y is suited for females. Heck, I think I wash dishes and do more of the laundry than she does.
This simply involves her not feeling the need to challenge me as a man. Sadly, I see this in relationships often, and the men appear quite vocal when it occurs.
I am grateful that my wife was raised in a culture, which highlights women still wanting to be ladies, as opposed to women looking to emasculate men at every turn.
When men in the dating pool interact with women saying, I don’t need a man, it is an immediate turnoff. They know where the concept is coming from, because she expresses the words with a condescending tone.
They know the message is not about her sense of independence. Instead, it involves her thinking the independence is grounds to emasculate and become him.
It is akin to one lion challenging another lion, for dominance of the pride. Well, you are challenging this man for his pride.
I cannot speak for all men, but I can generalize…a man’s ego is akin to his birthright. LoL. If you continue destroying his ego, he will feel as if he has nothing left to his name.
I don’t need a man…well, you do and you do not. However, if you continue saying this, you most certainly will not attract a good one.
By the way, if you somehow interpreted sexism after reading this post, this sense of projection has more to do with you than anything else.
Although this is my perspective, I would love to read yours. As a man, have you ever encountered this before?
In your relationship as a woman, do you want to replace your partner? Do you believe a woman can still treat a man like a man, without feeling inferior to him?
Reblogged this on Human Interest.
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Thank you for taking a moment to read this entry. It’s always a pleasure giving my perspective, especially on subjects such as this one.
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You’re very welcome.
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Hey, you’re back!!! Good to see you are still writing.
Good topic, as it touches on the concepts of “we” and “me”. I would agree that often when the comment is made about not needing a man (or a woman if you want to reverse it), it is made from a position of hostility. Or at least made from a position of complete independence.
Independence is a good thing – to a degree. We should all be able to do things on our own. But as you said, relationships are a team sport. If you want to be in a relationship, you need to learn to play nice with others.
I’ve been on my own and I was just fine. I can be on my own again and be just fine. But as you said, there is a basic human yearning for connectedness that is best suited in a relationship.
When choosing a potential partner however, we shouldn’t be choosing from a position of “I don’t want to be alone”. Rather, we should be choosing from a position of “I want to be with this person”.
Flipping the genders, I do not need a woman. But I do want to be with my wife.
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Good day Drew. I hope this message finds you and the family well. I actually wrote this perhaps seven months ago.
The “we” and “me” balance within a relationship is rather fascinating. As much as I emphasize the “we” aspect, the “me” time is also necessary for the relationship. It’s a tested concept that I hear from couples together for decades.
With this particular topic, I’ve had enough discussions and pay attention to the manner in which the phrase takes place, to understand the context.
It rarely occurs through a positive lens. I don’t think a conscientious person, or someone sure about him or herself is likely to be with someone, because s/he doesn’t want to be alone.
In my opinion of course, people who use that reasoning tend to be of the insecure nature. They can’t sustain an identity on their own, so they seek it through others.
You’re 100% correct. I don’t need a woman per se, but I enjoy being with my wife without question.
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You raise some very interesting points and i find myself really having to think through my response. i have been married for 14 years and never wanted to live my life without a man but there have been times where i could have lived without women after being bullied or put down by my so called sisters.
Our rellationship is very different to what i thought it would be as i have developed chronic illness and am financially dependent on my husband. Our kids usually refuse to do anything i ask so i depend on him for more than i would like. I do what Ican but often feel its a struggle to accept the way it is. Thankfully I have had my writing and photography and am hoping theyll generate some income down the track.
I have a very strong belief in the importance of community and this is undermined by attitudes like those “I dont need a man” ones you mentioned and texting instead of talking to one another xx Rowena
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Thank you much for reading this perspective, and then offering your insight into the subject. It’s always a pleasure reading the insight of others. You raise an interesting point, which I addressed on another platform last month.
It involves the absence of the sisterhood between women and girls, which I tend to hear about often. What I see in the majority appears like a contest of sorts, as opposed to a more connected companionship.
When I think of sisterhood, I imagine a sense of camaraderie, uplifting one another and providing support. I’ll be honest, I see more of the opposite lately. With your photography venture, I truly bid you well as it opens up an entirely new stream of income.
By the way, congratulations on your 14 years of marriage. I know it’s not easy, especially when you mentioned being dependent on him, more than you would like under the circumstances. Please be well.
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Thank you very much for that. I know exactly what you mean about the sisterhood. Before I got married, I had mostly male friends. I’m not really sure why. My Church has a supportive “Sisters” group and I’ve just started dipping my toe in. IN terms of some of the mums up at the school, they can show no mercy and I’ve heard them described as “Gators”. My daughter is now in the thick of that struggle and the girls always seem to be fighting and can’t get on. So much for being made of “sugar and spice and everything nice”.
Thank you for your encouragement on the marriage front. Yes, it easy especially given our circumstances. I am getting more used to riding through the ups and downs as I get older and don’t see a time of struggle as the end of the world.
Doing my best to get well and throw off the winter cough. Winter is understandably a tricky time. xx Rowena
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Well said. Social media can be a bit amusing, Many women will post things like “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” followed up a few days later by a lamentation, “Where have all the good men gone?” The truth of the matter is that the vast majority of women really do like men, desire them, need them even. We live in a culture that doesn’t like us to say that, but it is true.
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Good day IB. I hope you and the family are doing well presently. That response was rather telling, because for some time now many have criticized men for practically everything.
An article was recently released where the writer shared her anger, asking Australian men why they no longer ask out women on dates, etc. Well, when you demonize guys at every turn, don’t be surprised if you: A) Frighten them away from communicating with women, or B) Make them check out on the entire courting process because they no longer want to be bothered.
You’re correct. There are some within first world countries (in my opinion) trying to change biology, and then responding with a sense of bewilderment when it backfires. Don’t swim with a Great White shark thinking it’s a domesticated pet, and then act shocked when it bites a chunk of your leg.
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Hi! It’s been a while since I’ve been here in your blog and this is just so timely. I recently got married and in a month’s time I have to face an entirely new world away from my family and career just to join my husband in his foreign assignment. It’s a big deal for me because I have always been an independent woman, going after my dreams, educating myself so that I can climb the corporate ladder. I also don’t need a man because I can provide for myself and even make much more financially than any man my age. But as you’ve said here, it’s not about needing my husband for survival. It’s about being with him and supporting his endeavors, while he also supports me in every way. Teamwork, yes. At one point, I guess women who can acknowledge that relationships are more important than pride turn out to be happier and more fulfilled. 🙂
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