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Advice, Bloggers, Culture, Dating, Dating Tips, Etiquette, Gentleman, Men, OneGentlemansPerspective, Relationships, Sex, Social Media, Society, Women
I believe people have a little margin of error to get away with things, when they do not know any better. However, the moment you know better, you should do better. That is the purpose of maturity, is it not?
I focus on both males and females, because there is a symbiotic relationship. To address one without addressing the other, well, it is an injustice.
There are terrible female companions, and then there are awesome ones. There are loser males, and then there are suitable ones.
I do not believe in this ridiculous concept that women can do no wrong.
A woman will never lie about sexual assault
Women do not lie about domestic violence
You can take that nonsense and have a politically correct parade. However, on this side of town, I believe in equality.
As horrible as society likes to paint the entire male population, yet cast this innocent and no accountability umbrella over the entire female population, this is incredibly misleading.
The point is this—I will always address the good and the bad from both sides.
Today, we will address one of the poor decisions that some guys make, especially in this digital age.
Within the past month, I encountered three blogs complaining about this issue. One Gentleman’s Etiquette must occur online, as much as it occurs offline.
There is a time and a place for everything. Heterosexual females enjoy the male physique. However, they do not like it to the point, where you should send unsolicited pictures of your buddy (penis) via email, text message, etc.
I presume the individual who commits such poor judgment, may never read this post.
However, I still feel it is necessary because the gentleman’s code is to correct bad behavior. Yes, sending unsolicited photos of your buddy is bad behavior.
It is one thing if she desires this photo. It is one thing if you both have an agreement of sorts, to send one another these intimate images. In other words, she makes it clear that she wants to see your buddy, in all of its glory.
However, and this is a HUGE however—no pun intended, but there is a difference between this, and instances of sending unsolicited photos.
In one scenario, the other party wants to see your soldier in action. In the other, she does not. It is a rather clear concept, yet, it happens nonetheless.
You may wonder what compels him to send the photo. Well, he simply wants to. One reason is that he believes it will entice you sexually, thus, opening up dialogue about sex.
Before you scratch your head, read that last sentence again, and erase everything besides the words entice, sexually and sex.
Did you do it?
Okay. I am not saying that all males think about sex 24/7. That is not the case. Personally, I only think about it roughly 23.9 hours each day, but 24 is pushing it. I am kidding…or am I?
Humor aside, I want you to focus on the types of guys committing these unsolicited acts. Break him down to his most primal state. What remains? Sex…sex remains.
It does not matter if he earns $500K annually, or $30K. It does not matter if he smokes cigars, or does not smoke at all. What is the point?
When you remove the extra layers of him as an individual, what remains is a guy seeking a way to initiate sex into the conversation. What better way than sending a photo of his buddy?
I did not say it is a good decision. On the contrary, I do not believe a guy should send unsolicited photos of his buddy. I only want you to understand an opinion behind the why.
It will creep out some females, but it can anger others. I also know of situations where the text/email/private Instagram message leaves them dumbfounded.
Tom (4:55P.M.): Hey Cathy, what are you up to?
Cathy (5:10P.M.): Nothing at the moment. I was getting ready to take a bathe. You?
Tom (5:10P.M.): Nice!
Cathy (5:15P.M.): (download image) WTF???? Why are you sending me this?
Tom (5:16P.M.): You said you were taking a bathe, so I thought you were flirting.
Cathy: (5:18P.M.): How the heck did you get that from, “I was getting ready to take a bathe. You?” What if my daughter opened the phone and downloaded this? Do you think I’m a whore or something? Don’t text me again.
Males and females are not wired the same, when it comes to these things.
On average, if a guy were to receive an unsolicited photo of your kitty (vagina), his initial reaction is to smile, and then call you to see if he can come over. However, that is not how it works for females—generally speaking of course.
In short—do not send unsolicited photos.
When she engages in the topic, specifically requests them and wants to receive more from that point, you can send away. Until then, do not send unsolicited photos.
If it does happen to you, do not ignore it because he may simply send again. If the photo is from a random user online, flag and/or report them. If it is someone you know, and the message is via text/email, say something like the following…
I am confused you actually believe I wanted this photo. Is this the level of respect that you have for me? Other females may find this flattering, sexy or whatever.
However, the reason I have yet to ask for your buddy picture, is because I am not like those other females. If I wanted to see your buddy, do you really think I would not ask for it?
Think about that one for a second.
I am sure if I asked you to come to my house right now, even though I live three hours away, you would make the trip. Patience and respect—that is sexy to me. Right now, you have neither. Please do not text me again.
This is my perspective on the topic; I would love to read yours. Has this ever happened to you before? How would you react, if it did happen to you?
One Gentleman's Perspective 
I have been thinking about you lately. I have been so busy getting ready for the holidays. And, yesterday, I responded to a question on a FB page I followed and lawd have mercy the women went crazy. lol. But your post seems to hit on what I was trying to convey. The originator asked for mothers to speak up and then she and her silly followers didn’t like my response because I didn’t say: Okay. My son is scum. I should not have given him life. I hate him with all my being. He should have died the moment he was born. And whatever else they wished me to have said about a person I love, yet, hated his poor choices. But I have copied and paste the writer’s question for you to read.
“RANT: what is it about women who give birth to sons and become misogynists? I noticed this about a lot of women (not all, of course), but given the theme of this page I will focus on black women.
I noticed that many of the sisters who “dabble” in misogyny (i.e. make women responsible for their entire interactions with males, including rape; blame mothers for the failures of their children; absolve [black] men of any kind of responsibility, speak against feminism etc.) tend to have sons. Why is that?
What is it about giving birth to sons that can turn a woman against other women?
I certainly don’t understand why black mothers of sons can become misogynist. Don’t they realize that many folks in the black community blame THEM for its current state? Misogynists blame THEM!!
ETA: I especially want to hear from black mothers of sons on this topic. Not to defend yourselves but to help us understand what it means to be mothers of future men and your fears, especially with respect to your sons’ future interactions with women.”
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Good day. It has been a long time indeed. I hope your holiday preparations are coming along well. It is amazing how people react today. LoL.
When you provide a response that goes against what they want to hear, as opposed to initiating in a debate of sorts, they last out irrationally. LoL.
I created a few posts addressing how people engage in discussions. A recent one involves what I consider “discussion-enders.” One of these “discussion-enders” involves labeling someone a misogynist. The word is beginning to have little meaning for me now, because people throw it around like confetti. When everything is misogynistic, is anything truly misogynistic?
Words are powerful, but only when we use them appropriately. This same idea applies to racism. When we consider everything a form of racism, it undermines the word. Ultimately, if everything is racism, is anything truly racism?
Merriam-Webster refers to misogyny as a hatred of women. That is incredibly strong word—hatred. Here is an example when illogical people learn a new word, but apply it incorrectly.
Guy: I think the women who continue blaming the guys they encounter, should be more responsible with their dating decisions. When you instead place all the blame on the guys you attract, removing any fault of your own, you will continue facing the same dating issues.
Girl: You are such a misogynist.
How did his statement point out hatred? To a rational individual, it did not. To a lunatic, they could read that sentence and suggest the words are ingredients to a ham sandwich. In other words, they make something out to be anything they desire. Lunatics make me laugh, and I encounter them online on a daily basis. LoL.
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I have never had men to send me nude photo’s of themselves but it seems to be the norm for men and women in this generation. And then they wonder why they get, and keep getting, the kind of person that makes your skin crawl.
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Seems like common sense to me!
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Voltaire once said that, “Common sense is not so common.” LoL
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My Dad used to say the same thing!
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LOL! This post made me laugh. I just can’t accept that we live in a world where it’s necessary to even have to say this. Gentlemen should never send pictures of their buddy to a lady, ever. Until recently this was a well known rule even in the depths of the trailer park. It’s simply tacky and shows a lack of class.
There is a huge double standard, but it’s more biological then cultural repression. Women can and do send intimate photos because men enjoy them. Many women will not receive such gestures with quite the same enthusiasm. Now personally I don’t get the whole picture thing and I am not inclined to participate, but some are, so whatever, it’s a free country.
Some people, men, do send buddy pictures as a form of aggression, not so much for sexual enticement. It’s a clear act of aggression, but a somewhat impotent one, because you know, nothing is more passive/aggressive and pathetic than that. Women really don’t like this, partially because it’s a clear attack but also because it’s somewhat sexually confusing. Women tend to find passive/aggressive behavior in men repulsive all by itself, let alone introducing sexual imagery and vulgarity with an implied threat behind it.
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Each time you wrote “buddy,” I had to laugh. LoL.
“It’s simply tacky and shows a lack of class.”
It is amazing how you know something is simply strange, and yet to someone else, it is business as usual. I think the act is ridiculous. In fact, someone liked a few photos and decided to follow me on Instagram when I initially created my account.
Whenever someone follows, I do my best to venture to their page and interact. What did I find on their page? A collection of their buddy. I was so taken aback. I left the page and just thought, “Dude…why? Why? WHY????”
I gave the phone to my wife so that she could visit the page and flag it. They ban females for showing certain photos of the derriere, yet this dude gets to have his buddy in the open. On what planet is that okay Instagram? LoL. I can see the aggressive angle, in regard to why they send the photos to people.
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It has never happened to me. I don’t think I would be happy about it as it seems a bit rude to send me such a pic without asking whether I want to receive it or not. I feel like it is a way of forcing me to see. I know men might think it’s no big ideal, but it’s all about respect to me.
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“it seems a bit rude to send me such a pic without asking whether I want to receive it or not.”
This should be a no-brainer, but for these guys, it clearly is not. LoL. It is such a silly thing to do.
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I am laughing right now. I saw the topic of this post and all I could think about was this post that I wrote earlier in the year:
http://openyoureyes145.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/problems/
I am in complete agreement with you. No I do not want a dick pic does not mean send me one anyway. If I wanted one, I would ask.
And us women are more likely to want one from a true gentlemen that we are in a relationship with and love and respect. We are gonna want one from the guy who makes our world so much better.
Not from that random guy who we hook up with once, or go on one date with.
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I’ll be sure to check out your post.
“If I wanted one, I would ask.”
This is as clear as the waters of Boracay, in my opinion. However, these guys seem to miss this understanding. LoL. I laugh because it should be such an easy thing to grasp. It does not take a nuclear physicist, to determine right from wrong in this situation. If she really wanted the photo, do you really think she would not let it be known directly or indirectly?
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