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Communication, Couples, Dating, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Music, OneGentlemansPerspective, Personal, Reflection, Relationships, Romance, Thoughts
Whenever I listen to R&B music, the energy that I experience through artists from previous generations like The Dells, Donny Hathaway, Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes, The Stylistics and L.T.D., is few and far between in today’s R&B genre.
Whenever the artists before my generation would sing songs about being in love, or possibly losing love, I take the ride with them as if I too were falling in and out of love. The emotions they poured into each song makes you appreciate the love you have, or miss the love you once experienced.
There are a number of songs, which brings to mind the relationship I share with my wife, and what it would feel like to have it ripped from my grasp.
One song delivers this awareness again and again. That song for me is by Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes, titled I Miss You.
It should go without saying how much I love my wife, because when you have a past like mine, appreciation is a word that you clutch tightly as if it were brutally cold outside, and you were trying to warm your hands by holding them inward.
If I were to be in the same position as lead singer Teddy Pendergrass, where I had to write a letter to express how much I miss my wife, it would go something like this…
Mahal ko,
I remember one of the times you mentioned falling in love with me, all over again. It was on a Wednesday, three years ago on August 17. I remember because after we ended the evening out, I wrote it down in my phone and stored it as an annual reminder.
Each year during its arrival, there is no need to alert you of its commemoration, because it is a day that I choose to honor solo. In other words, it is a day of reflection for me. Each year it reminds me just how far I have come as an individual.
Each year it reminds me how the sound of your voice whispering the words, I’m falling in love with you all over again, causes me never to take you for granted.
You know how precious I consider tears, but as a young man now absent of his very essence, I am writing this letter to you, which is completely void of pride and ego.
As I am sitting in this empty room and surrounded by memories of you across every inch—I have no idea what to think, how to breathe…I am barely piecing together the right things to say because for the past five days, six hours, ten minutes and six seconds, I am crying out is if my soul is in pain.
I know I have to stop crying, but it is not the darkness of this house that appears gloomy…it is the reality of your absence from my future. I have not eaten, turned on the television, answered phone calls or slept peacefully through the night, since I last saw your face.
They say a life worth living, is a life spent in the presence of someone you love, so this is perhaps what dying alone feels like.
They also say that time flies when you are having fun, so it makes sense when you lose your reason for smiling, your very reason for getting up each day…that each second feels like an hour. It has only been six days since you went away, but your departure feels like months.
I can hear it even now…
I am falling in love all over again.
You probably do not remember the day as much as I do, and it is funny because a piece of me wants to forget it happened, but the other part never wants to forget.
I am not even sure how I can forget this memory, because you already know I do not drink. How can a man who does not drink, subside or drown his loneliness away?
I can barely see the words my pen is tracing right now, but I am hoping the energy of me wishing for your return will transfer exactly what I am thinking, and what I believe in my heart.
As dark as this room appears, I can still trace the outline of your face, the arch of your lips and the way your hair always seems to lay on your face. As I am reaching out into the distance, I suddenly get a whiff of your fragrance and the tears seem to flow with a greater intensity.
I was unaware that I could love someone this much. I was naive that someone my age could cry this much. It seems I was truly oblivious, to just how much you could miss someone.
When you refuse to show appreciation, you have no one to blame but yourself upon the departure. For that, I want to apologize. I just want you to know how much I miss you.
Sincerely,
A Lost Husband
Whenever I listen to music from previous generations, it reminds me just how much the music from my generation and those following, seem lacking in that thing which connects you emotionally to the artist and song.
I tried to embody that thing, while writing this message to my wife, as if I were an artist reaching out to a love I somehow lost.
However, this is my perspective. Do you notice a change in the emotion of songs today, in comparison to those from previous decades?
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Yes! You are right but I don’t think it’s an actual lack of love. I believe it’s more of a distraction problem. Think about your childhood for a moment and then take a look around. I don’t know how you grew up but I can guarantee it wasn’t with an iPad or Smartphone stuck to your face. There are too many distractions for the younger generations, so while they are constantly online regurgitating all the past quotes and song lyrics… they are never alone with their own thoughts long enough to add or create their own.
And one more point to consider… anymore, online interaction is the norm over human interaction. Some of my best words, thoughts, inspirations, epiphanies have come from conversations with people who have offered a new perspective, or moments that were life-changing. Having that face-to-face interaction, experiencing the moments and remembering what it felt like, what it looked like, what it smelled like, how the lights were, the sun or the night sky… it isn’t just the human interaction, it’s the experience as a whole. Something completely lost online, so again, there just isn’t a lot of emotions or emotional inspiration, such as music, coming from this generation.
And finally, building strong relationships with people builds up our self-confidence. When we have higher self-confidence we tend to be more empathetic and kind because we aren’t threatened by others and we don’t feel the need to be defensive. If you take away the face-to-face interaction, and you don’t have a ‘normal’ level of confidence, you become part of a huge generation of people who are willing to verbally attack and abuse people online. There are no consequences, they don’t ever see the pain in the face of their victim, it momentarily makes the attacker feel more confident. Ugly cycle really.
My point is this: if more people got out into the world to discover who other people are and to discover who they, themselves, are the love would be way more free flowing.
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Thank you Sara D for this thoughtful response. I can definitely see this being a combination of both. I don’t think anyone can disagree with your assessment actually, because I observe people on their iPad devices, and they can zone out in the presence of someone calling their name.
In my opinion, I believe the iPad distraction is most prevalent in the youngest generation, such as adolescents. The reason I say it is a combination is because the computer/Instant Messaging/video games were the things I grew up on, as well as my peers. Those distractions are as prevalent, in their ability to behave similarly to tablets.
The reason I believe myself and others were different, occurs because we did not allow the distractions to remove us from being in our thoughts. I cannot speak for all of course, but I’ve been writing poetry since junior high, and some of my peers did the same. However, their version came through the writing of Hip-Hop lyrics and some were R&B writers as well.
These methods of expression assisted in us bleeding thoughts through spoken word and writing. In other words, even in the midst of distractions, they were able to remain aware of their individual thoughts.
That in no way says that you are incorrect. In fact, I believe your position 100 percent. I think this fascination with social media and remaining online, even while in an offline setting, makes it difficult for people to share a genuine connection with the person in front of them.
I noticed this in the majority of my group assignments in college. Some of the team members could chat for hours online/email, but when it involved our face-to-face sessions, they still possessed the sound bite-esque persona of chatting online.
However, they were not able to chat for hours, but they did speak as if it were an instant message. It was quite strange, and it wasn’t until I read different articles addressing the issue, where I realized the root of the problem was the Internet.
Thank you for sharing this insightful explanation, because it provides a deeper understanding to the topic.
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