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Nice guys do not finish last. Regardless how much you try to force yourself into believing this concept, nice guys don’t finish last. We previously touched on the positive interpretation of a nice guy. Howevertoday we will address the negative.

In a negative context, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive, does not express his true feelings and uses acts of ostensible friendship, with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship. In other words, this description seems to define a shy individual. For this definition, I imagine a guy who does not understand how to converse with women, due to a lack of game. When I mention game, I am not referring to tricks and pickup tactics. I am simply referring to a person who can hold a meaningful conversation, with the one they find attractive.

This is not about you being nice or not. The problem you have involves four of the following main points, and this is just a general assessment through my perspective. We know each person has their own preferences, when it comes to dating. With some of the following, you may encounter or know a woman, who will actually find each appealing.

Generally speaking, women do not find a pushover attractive

  • A pushover is someone who willingly allows others to take advantage of them. Women generally do not consider this sexy. Once again, there are exceptions. She may take the pushover treatment from you, and all of the benefits associated. However, I can promise you one thing…someone else with a backbone is making up for your spineless behavior.

Generally speaking, women do not like men without ambition

  • This guy believes being too nice explains away all of his failures, whether dating, or in the process of conversing with women. He basically overlooks everything else. Forget the fact that she is almost complete with her third advanced degree, and holding firm to her five-year plan. On the other hand, you have no idea what you are doing next week. There are exceptions to the rule of course. Some women may interpret you as a guy who is willing to live in the moment. However, that is an exception and surely not the rule.

Generally speaking, women do not like men who think the act of sex begins, and ends with penetration.

  • This is something I think most guys are in desperate need of re-education. Sex in my opinion is a mental and physical connection. When you completely diminish the former, you become the guy each new girlfriend leaves continuously. Honestly,  I consider sex as an art form, especially when you and your partner begin to understand the existence of your unspoken energy. There are exceptions to the rule, because some women will only seek the physical aspect of sex, with no concern for a mental connection. Once again, this is an exception, it is not the rule.

Generally speaking, women do not like men who refuse to listen. I had no idea how important it was to listen, until about the age of 18. She may not listen to you (LoL), but you can be sure of one thing, listening to her is vital.

  • Guys like to write themselves off because of being a nice guy, but if you listen to a woman closely, she will tell you everything you need to know. If you open your ears more, and not allow ego to cloud your judgment, you will learn what she likes, what she dislikes, the things she finds attractive in a partner, etc. There are exceptions to the rule. First, a guy who tries too hard comes off as if he has ulterior motives. In her eyes, perhaps he is giving too much attention because of a hidden agenda. Secondly, there are women who may not find a man who listens, as someone attractive at all.

To be blunt, there are many factors present that women will classify as turn-offs, which have nothing to do with the so-called nice guy defense. This is a crutch, and it is easier to blame women for your shortcomings, versus glancing in the mirror and correcting them. Stop blaming women, because they do not owe you their allegiance.

When you initially approach someone correct, you usually receive a similar reaction, even if it is a rejection to your advances. If you decide not to come correct, then expect a comparable reaction. If you maintain a relationship on good solid ground, you do not rely on excuses when things turn sour. You are able to pinpoint each of your faults. I take issue with those who always blame the other party, whenever a rejection occurs or their relationship dissolves.

Am I an expert on women? Not by a long shot. But I am an expert on learning from my mistakes. I am not afraid to learn from others, as well as from my own experiences. I am an advocate for many things, and one of the most important is something we may all have familiarity: If you know something, say something. If someone refuses to acknowledge this advice, that is their right. To share knowledge with others, is the very best we can do. It is entirely up to each individual to either embrace, or dismiss this information.

Nice guys do not finish last…your ego, your insecurities, your shortcomings—these things do. The next time you are in the midst of uttering this nonsensical excuse, cover your mouth, walk away from the situation and take a time out. During this time out, reflect, gather your thoughts and recover. By doing so, the path towards a gentleman’s lifestyle is now within reach.