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The grass is always greener on the other side. People cheat for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes you want to see the difference between your yard and many others, but only on a temporary basis. Other times, you want to leave your current residence on a long-term basis. Regardless of the reason and duration, take a step back, and understand the position you are putting your partner through.
This post will not address whether I consider cheating an acceptable act, or one that is immoral.
I am approaching this topic from a different angle. Through One Gentleman’s Perspective, I want you to consider why you should never allow someone, to ever feel superior to your partner.
There are people whose sole mission is to seek out unavailable individuals. They seek out those in a relationship because it is a challenge.
The idea of succeeding at this challenge is a rush. In my opinion, it is a slap in the face of your wife, girlfriend, husband or boyfriend.
This is not a post passing judgment on the other woman or man.
In fact, this post is not about passing judgment on you, Mr. Cheating husband or boyfriend.
This is not a post to pass judgment on you, Mrs. Cheating wife or girlfriend. Specifically, this is about the subconscious fulfillment that the other woman or man gains, by taking you, the cheating partner away.
This is about undermining your wife, girlfriend, husband or boyfriend.
The rush of this challenge is directed at your partner…not you.
Keep in mind; I cannot speak for all individuals. I can only provide my experiences and therefore, I am not classifying this as a universal truth.
When I bring up a topic, the best way that I find brings clarity, occurs by explaining at its simplest level.
Imagine a child playing inside their room. She is playing with one particular doll, and seems to be quite happy.
Her younger sister walks in and reaches for a toy, currently positioned in the corner of the room, tucked underneath a mountain of other toys.
At this point, the older sister jumps up and angrily grabs it from her hands. Looking rather upset, she screams, This is MY toy. I am using it.
Funny, she was not using the toy, nor did she really care about it. The toy is so out of sight, out of mind, she is unable to tell you the last time it was in her possession.
Her desire is to make sure that you will experience a negative reaction, by not using the toy. As the little sister exits crying, the older sibling tosses the same toy to an unknown position in the room.
The possessive nature is not about the toy, in and of itself. Sadly, this behavior manifests differently for each person, as he or she matures.
Some are able to break away, but others are not so lucky. At the basic level of human behavior, we want what other people have and sometimes, we only see the value if someone else finds it interesting.
Generally speaking, the challenge to succeed can have a direct relation to the person they are attaining.
The other woman or man finds joy in knowing, they were able to break down the walls of someone in a faithful union.
However, others see the challenge as taking you from someone else. Therefore, the goal is to bring emotional harm to your partner, even if your partner is completely unaware of the infidelity.
In the mind of the other woman or man taking you away, it is enough for their ego that they know about the infidelity.
However, the satisfaction would increase if the partner was also aware, but this is not a necessary requirement for their emotional fulfillment.
As long as they know about the infidelity, this awareness is enough for them to feel superior to your partner, even if your partner is completely oblivious.
It is a game of sorts, because the stronger your relationship with your partner, the greater the satisfaction of the other woman or man.
For this individual, there is no greater stroke to the ego, than knowing they were able to attain the emotional and sexual attention of someone madly in love.
Do not allow someone to experience this level of superiority over your partner. It is an insult to your level of respect.
Before you make the decision to peek over the fence and see if the grass is greener, take a seat, reflect and communicate your grievances. If a solution is impossible at this point, mutually agree to separate or end the relationship entirely.
If you have any respect remaining for your partner, the last thing you should allow, is someone undermining his or her existence.
Before you decide to wonder into the next yard, I suggest dissolving the relationship. Your partner will respect this decision, far more than your infidelity.
Even if the grass is supposedly greener on the other side, give your partner enough respect to make a decision to leave or stay, before you venture elsewhere.
Is cheating right or do I consider cheating wrong? While creating this post, I did not seek to uncover a right or wrong conclusion. Instead, I wonder if straying is ever an acceptable position for your partner to exist, without their knowledge.
I hate everything about cheating. It makes me so frustrated.
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The one thing you can build over many years, but lose in an instant is trust. When you create trust in a relationship, you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position, and rightfully so. Cheating causes you to experience an even greater sense of vulnerability. Therefore, I can understand your comment. Have you ever experienced this betrayal? I will create more posts on the topic of cheating, because it is one many have a direct or indirect relationship with. Thank you for the feedback.
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You have very very good points One Gentleman! My bestfriend is blessed to have you as her husband. My heart is at peace knowing she will be loved and taken care of forever! I hope to see you gys soon! Any plans of coming back to Manila? We didnt get to hang out last time you guys were here… missing you guys! Take care always!
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I am honored to receive this acknowledgement from you. Thank you so much for saying that. She tells me you enjoy reading the blog, so it is very humbling to hear. For you to take the time out and write a response, it is much appreciated. This entire blog concept and creation…it was all her. She created the name, concept, etc. Without her, this would not exist.
Your heart will forever remain at peace, because above all else, I respect her. Everything else falls under this umbrella of respect. She is the calming sound of waves you hear, as you sit by the beach and stare into the distance. She is the favorite song you hear again and again, during moments you least expect. Nothing matters without her and everything is meaningless, if she is not part of the equation. When God set our paths to cross, he brought forth the greatest joy I could ever know. I genuinely love and respect her.
I was really hoping we could have spent more leisure time with you guys, after or before the wedding. But it seems wherever we were, the locations were too far from you. I will make sure this does not happen again. I genuinely hope you guys are well this week. Salamat
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Nicely done. Yet another good topic. I will say I don’t have judgment against someone who cheats other than to say that I generally think they’ve not thought about their actions with any real critical scrutiny. That regret is a pretty hard pill to swallow. I’d bet money that most of us will never regret NOT cheating but the same is unlikely in the opposite circumstance.
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Thank you very much. I appreciate the positive energy. Cheating is always something people can relate, whether they have personal experience, indirect examples or through various examples via mass media (movies, celebrity scandal, etc).
I try to refrain from judging others, especially since I am writing a very public piece. When I was a teenager, cheating was Black and White. Today, I try to refrain from passing judgment.
Instead, I ask why they feel cheating is the only option. I could not destroy the trust I have with my wife, but my sense of integrity will not allow me to do many things, which other people consider the norm. Trust means a lot to me, but with many others, it is not that important. Quite sad. You are correct…I hardly think any person who cheats, actually weighs the pros versus cons, nor take their partner’s trust into consideration. In my perspective, cheating is not the answer. I believe you should get to the root of your issue(s) through counseling. If it is impossible to fix your issues, I say dissolve the relationship, long before you cheat.
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You know what I find exciting about marriage? People change, it’s inevitable, but it’s not always a bad thing. In a way it’s like getting to fall in love with a whole new person, over and over again.
Bit of a joke at our house, but my husband likes to say he’s already married to multiple wives. Poor guy just never knows who he is going to come home to. 🙂
Cheating really does tend to blow the whole trust thing, but I think the worst part might be that it prevents you from working through whatever it was that sent you out looking for satisfaction elsewhere.
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Thanks for the perspective. People do evolve over time, but we somehow place a negative air around the word change, when it involves relationships. Strange really. LoL. This made me laugh, because I could imagine him walking to the door, searching for his keys and wondering who will be in the kitchen today.
Whatever works is what we should continue in our marriage. I appear very mature when having real discussions, but my wife knows I am extremely playful. She calls me her son, because I have a playful energy. I tell her it is practice for when we have a child. LoL. If you cannot handle my antics, how can you handle a child that will be this way for at least 10 years straight? She laughs every time I explain it this way.
Cheating diminishes respect and with this diminished level of respect, you destroy trust. Trust is difficult to earn, but easy to erase. Can you overcome infidelity? You can, but it will always remain in the back of your mind. Before you cheat, reflect and discuss your issues. If you cannot solve or even discuss said issue(s), pack your bags or agree to have an open relationship. I say the last part because people often tell me, I cannot leave…we have children together.
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Great article. There is something to be said about having complete trust in someone then to have it broken and destroyed. It can be so hard to gain it back. Trust and loyalty mean everything to me.
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Trust and loyalty are both incredibly important. It seems to be a trend now, where people are quick to abuse the trust of those dearest to them. I don’t know if it has anything to do with celebrities hoping from one partner to the next, the casual hookup lifestyle we have now or something else entirely.
Trust takes so long to build, but can diminish instantly. My wife and I both agree that respect, trust and loyalty above all else, are vital. When you lose a woman’s trust–forget about it. The relationship is practically over.
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Reblogged this on beautifulmind7 and commented:
before you cheat….
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Thank you very much for reading. Thank you as well for sharing
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Reblogged this on Singledate1's Blog.
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