To raise a child is not an easy journey, because you have to infuse their mind, with the very best you can offer. This post is one with an emphasis on our daughter, which I hope will assist other women as well. Regardless if we eventually have a boy or girl, they are in for a world of information. LoL. Our future child aside, I find that women should avoid several types of men, as if they were the bubonic plague. However, for this post, I want to address only four types.
1. The Verbally or Physically Abusive Type.
I know it is not likely that all abusive individuals, male or female, come out of the gate swinging as if it were a boxing match. At times, the abuse begins in a subtle manner, so you do not understand what you are getting into, until it escalates.
Keep in mind though, these people tend to have one thing in common; they are bloody controlling. I was going to use humor to exaggerate a point, but I realize this specific segment is not one to trivialize.
From personal experience, I know person A, who is male and works with person B, who is female. The husband of person B arrived to pick up his wife from work one afternoon. While awaiting his wife to exit the hospital, the husband takes notice to her conversing with person A. The next day, she completely diminished all communication with person A.
This went on for weeks, until person A approached person B in their place of business, to uncover an explanation. What happened? You seem to be avoiding me. Person B said, my husband was furious and forbids me to talk with you. Shocked, he asked for a reason. Person B simply said, because you’re a man.
I see this more often than you could ever imagine. Some cultures condone this ridiculous behavior, and simply accept it as tradition. I say bollocks. Do not stay with a man who abuses you. You deserve better and he knows it, which is why he tries to rule with an iron fist.
2. The Sexual Conquest Type
This topic is not a new one. Countless males view women as a conquest. This is just the way life is…we cannot eradicate this concept. You have to be careful with whom you share your body with–that is the best defense I can suggest.
I have spoken on this before, but will continue to address when necessary. Sex is a beautiful thing, but only when the individuals are in full agreement. If you enter the territory of sex, thinking there is more to the equation, yet he arrives with only sexual gratification…you have a problem, well, you have two.
You did not set your expectation(s) on the relationship, nor did you communicate them effectively. You want something more and he just wants the moment. When he stops calling or things change, you have every right to blame someone. Sadly, you cannot blame him.
You cannot stop a guy from viewing you as a conquest, simply by saying you desire more. The purpose for setting expectations and communicating them; if he ever betrays your trust or falls short, you will know undeniably that he was simply a jerk, versus any excuse such as I did not know we were exclusive.
3. He Lacks Ambition Type
Ever since I was young, my uncle would say, show me your friends and I can tell you who you are. He would say this repeatedly, but I could not understand why. A few years ago, I encountered motivational speaker, Jim Rohn. Due to his most famous quote, the childhood saying was now clear.
We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. – Jim Rohn
As a woman, if you are constantly making strides to move forward in your personal and professional life, he will be like an anchor. If he is complacent at point A, whereas you see point D and already envision your next five steps, your relationship will suffer. The suffering can occur through his contention, your disdain for his laziness or a combination of both.
There are males who undergo emasculation, at the mere sight of a woman’s success. Align yourself with a guy who has ambition, and does not experience intimidation from your success.
4. The Unavailable Type
Who exactly falls under this label of unavailability? An unavailable guy is either already in a relationship, or has no interest in a relationship, whereas you do. Even though by definition one happens to be single, they are both unavailable. If he is married–he is off limits. His ring should not trigger the following reaction:
No Commitment Whatsoever–SCORE!
It does not matter that he fills your ears, with the woes of his wife. It should not matter if he mentions a supposed divorce is taking place, and once finalized…you will become his wife. Honestly, you have a better chance meeting George Washington, than this guy following through on these empty promises.
I read this naiveté in articles so often; I begin to wonder if the women are joking or genuinely serious. I know what someone may say, I was a mistress once. However, he is my husband now, so you are wrong. Well, I do not consume alcohol whatsoever, and would not use my personal example, to combat the wider statistics on alcohol consumption. According to the Gallup’s annual Consumption Habits poll, 66% of Americans say they have occasion to drink alcoholic beverages such as liquor, wine, or beer.
Although I do not consume alcoholic beverages, the greater portion of Americans do. Do not make your anomaly the norm. I am part of the anomaly when the topic involves drinking alcohol. Simply because you went from a mistress to his wife, that is surely not a standard transition.
He dangles a golden ticket, promising you a ride to nowhere. This usually involves him needing time, before he eventually leaves his wife for you. I know some women hear this, but deep down do not believe a word. However, there are many who do. I am a young guy and even I know this is a bunch of hot air. If you believe he will leave his wife for you, I have a team of unicorns, six mermaids and one king leprechaun to sell you. Please, stop being so naive.
For those who do not want more than a fling with this married man, and continue onward with an affair, in the words of a dear female friend of mine…women who knowingly date married men are scum. Those are her words, not mine. I added that because of her disdain for women who seek unavailable men. There are countless single men who fit your checklist above…find one.
If he is unavailable, whether single or married, look elsewhere. People refuse to share cab rides, drinks, under garments and a collection of other things. Would it be fair to add a married man into that equation?