The reason many relationships continue to fail, may have a little something to do with your decision to move from one person to the next, without ever paying attention and reflecting on the most important individual of all–yourself.
After a breakup, despite the popular advice of meeting someone new right away, I disagree 100%.
We have become such slaves to this advice; we begin to normalize the behavior.
Even as a teenager, I was suspicious of this recommendation. The best way to get over someone is finding someone new. Like heck it will.
If you are a serial-dater and reject the notion of a lifelong companion, then chances are this message is not for you. In all honesty, that is fine.
I know plenty of individuals who do not want children. I know individuals who refuse to invest for a comfortable retirement. I am even aware of those who hate the idea, of sexually pleasing their partner.
If I give ten reasons why everyone should have children, the concepts will not resonate with them.
If I explain why it is important to plan today for a comfortable tomorrow, the information is worthless to this individual.
Finally, if I explain that body exploration is a team sport, this individual will mentally zone out. What is my point? Sometimes a message is for you and sometimes, it simply is not.
A relationship and the decisions we make involving said relationship, is as much emotional as it should be rational. Logic tells us to reflect and take a step back.
Emotion tells you that the pain or anger of the breakup is so intense; you must seek one person after the other, until it disappears.
I will now breakdown this latter concept, because there is a key piece that the person overlooks.
So, the relationship is now over. You put everything into the relationship and now you have nothing. Obviously, the next step is to find someone new.
But wait a minute, your relationship ended for a reason. Moreover, as much as we like to believe everything wrong with the union, was entirely the fault of the other party, that is your emotions talking–not logic.
When a relationship fails, even if the other individual cheated and you did not, the dissolution is entirely the fault of the cheater.
Is that right? Not so fast. You did not cheat of course, but something about you attracted this negative energy.
Energy is never lost…it is transferred. What exactly did you emit that attracted this individual?
Wait, you do not know. You do not have an answer, but is already moving onto the next person. Hmm, that does not make much sense.
For the sake of argument, what if the next person you encounter also cheats. In addition, what if the following individual you encounter cheats as well.
Do you see a common denominator? Each partner is new and yet, the cheating remains. I am not blaming you because of their betrayal, so do not presume that is the message.
The message is this; regardless how the relationship ends, you should take the time to assess not only what the other person did or did not do, but also what you did, and the things you may have not.
This is a time for great reflection. I believe personal reflection is challenging, which explains why people take the path of least resistance, and completely overlook the step.
Simply put, people are afraid to be alone. Sadly, this fear is how one’s excess baggage from the past relationship, follows along into the next.
Think of this baggage as a haunted object. A haunted object is an object such as a chair or vase, which once belonged to someone who is now deceased.
The idea is that wherever the item goes, the deceased individual will follow. Their spirit becomes one with this object. Well, that is if you do not discover a way to cast them out.
When your relationship ends and you do not take the time to reflect and cast out the excess baggage from the relationship, they will follow and haunt you into the next.
People who refuse the chance to reflect after a breakup, are constantly haunted by their baggage.
You know who they are. Sometimes, you see them with a different person every other month. They hate the sight of being alone with such intensity; s/he needs a partner to validate their existence. I blamed everyone else when things went wrong, but eventually changed this thought process.
When your relationship ends, just stop. When it dissolves and there is no way to fix things, pour your heart out and vent to the person(s) you trust.
When you dedicate yourself to another person emotionally and physically, the pain cuts rather deep during the breakup. In fact, for some people, going through a breakup is akin
to mourning. Therefore, I am not marginalizing the pain you experience during a breakup.
Undergoing a sense of mourning is natural, which is why you must let it all out. Whether letting it all out occurs by venting verbally or crying, it makes no difference.
However, do not undermine your feelings, where you toss them aside.
When you push these feelings aside, you allow them to fester. When you allow the suppressed feelings to experience aggravation, they spill over in awful ways.
Sometimes you snap during a very minuscule matter, sometimes you release the energy upon those undeserving and other times, it leads to long-term grudges. The funny thing about grudges, they hurt no one emotionally…but yourself.
The breakup is a time to get to know yourself more, and reflect on what transpired in the previous relationship. It is not a time to move onto someone new, in order to fill a void.
Why do my relationships continue to fail? They continue to flop because you reject the most important session of all…me time. This is my perspective, but I want to know what you think.