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Real men like curves, not skin and bones. This is a phrase making its rounds and promoted online. However, the supposed goal is to promote an era of body positivity, well, that is unless your body does not look like theirs.

In other words, in this era of body positivity, some will only accept body types that resemble ours, and will ostracize all others. That is not body positivity—that is an in-group bias, where you show favoritism for one’s own group over any other.

As mentioned before, males do not drive beauty standards; the drivers of this vehicle are other females.

We are not equally beautiful. If we were equally beautiful and we decided to go on looks alone, the bald and overweight guy you pass on the street would be the standard eligible bachelor on the covers of GQ magazines, as opposed to guys like Hugh Jackman, Joe Manganiello, Ryan Gosling, Will Smith, Jung Ji-Hoon, Daniel Craig, John Abraham, Tyson Beckford, etc.

Males do not create mass campaigns shunning fit males, or create Twitter hashtags and Instagram posts depicting that, real women like curves and not muscles, with an image of an obese male in the photo.

You simply will not encounter this in the majority, if at all.

In my opinion, no one is mandated to find you attractive. I know this goes against popular rhetoric, but we cannot continue to enforce the idea that beauty standards are supposed to change to soothe our individual feelings.

It is not society’s responsibility to tell you that at 5’3 and 600lbs, you are incredibly desirable sexually. It is not society’s responsibility to tell you that at 5’10 and 75lbs, you are incredibly sexy.

Before someone completely obliterates those two sentences, the key takeaway is society’s responsibility. In no way does my words promote ridicule for women, regardless which side of the spectrum they fall on the weight scale.

Whatever weight works for you is your business. On an individual basis, you should be able to tell yourself…

I am fine being 5’3 and weighing 600lbs

I am perfectly fine knowing I weigh 90lbs, at a height of 5’9

However, it is not the responsibility of anyone in society, to agree with the conclusion you draw about yourself.

Love yourself first and everything else 
falls in line. 
You really have to love yourself 
to get anything done in this world—
Lucille Ball

No one should force you to be an ideal weight. I will even go as far and say, society is not forcing you to be an ideal weight. You can become aware of the idea that sex sells, therefore, people who happen to appear sexually appealing will be in magazines, films, etc.

However, that is not society placing a gun to your head; where as a woman you MUST be X body weight and have X amount of body fat percentage.

More importantly, to say that society should alter what it deems as healthy and attractive, all to soothe your new definition of healthy and attractive, is as destructive as the message you are seeking to change.

I am all for the message if you were solely going after this image, where the only definition of a sexy female consisted of severely anorexic examples.

That is clearly unhealthy and the public would be on your side. However, your campaigns do not fixate and fight against anorexia. Instead, the focus seems to fall on anyone with a different shape from yours.

In other words, whatever the majority of males tend to deem as attractive. It seems you are becoming the attractive police and anyone not aligned with what you consider attractive, is somehow perpetuating a bad precedent for young girls.

However, here is what I find confusing. You say that your objective is to create a society that is more accepting of all shapes and sizes, which by the way is a fool’s errand, because society does not owe any one individual a compliment.

Nonetheless, I can follow along with this concept. Yet, when you say you are campaigning for the acceptance of all, why are you stating such things as…

Skinny b***hes are gross

Only dogs like bones

Curves…because no one likes to snuggle a stick

A woman without curves, is like jeans without pockets…you don’t know where to put your hands

Someone give that girl a sandwich

You should not have to enhance your self-esteem, by ridiculing
the shape of another woman—One Gentleman

You see, this is not about having an open mind to all shapes; this is a campaign to distort what is attractive only to suit your definition and feelings. In other words, this campaign of ridiculing body shaming is really a campaign to slim shame.

I dislike using this language of shaming attached to another word, but it works for this specific instance.

How can you consider the tactic of slim shaming, vastly different to fat shaming, thus acceptable? 

You believe that we brainwash young girls with images, defining what they should believe is beautiful, and I would agree if your intentions were not corrupted.

However, if the images they receive of fit female models and slim actresses are damaging, what do you think of the millions of young girls and women, with naturally slim or fit physiques?

Do you not think your message is damaging to them? Do you believe your message of slim shaming is helpful to the self-esteem of young girls and women, whom are naturally slim or train hard to have fit physiques?

Do you think young boys do not see the fascination, which females generally have for fit males?

Appearing physically aesthetic is not something only females hear and see. To draw this conclusion is completely misleading.

How many overweight male actors, musicians and athletes, do you think young boys are aspiring to look like? Now compare that to young boys wanting to have similar physiques to guys like Hugh Jackman, James Todd Smith, etc.

The difference is that males will not impose their beliefs, where they request for a change in the standard of male beauty.

Instead, they will see the standard and either choose to have a similar physique, or object to having the physique. The real question is then why.

Why do males see the standard, assimilate or reject, whereas some females see the standard and become incredibly upset, asking for things to change for them?

Why become upset when females like Maria Kang, a business owner and mother of three boys, says that women can be mothers, work and remain fit if they so choose?

Though her story is old, my wife and I were left dumbfounded when other females reacted negatively.

Yet, you want me to believe males set beauty standards. The reaction to Kang is representative of the reality and in this reality, your biggest critic happens to be other females—not males.

I say be whatever size you desire. With that said, I believe this campaign is becoming destructive. You want to force society to fit your beauty standards, in order to make you feel better.

Verbally barraging overweight or slim individuals will help no one, except your warped perception on increasing your own self-esteem.

Your tactic is no better than the beauty standards of society, which you say you are trying to dismantle.

By the way, society is a collection of people and therefore people make up a society. When you want to dismantle societal views, you are actually addressing the views of the people.

If real women were not supposed to look a certain way, then the existence of these women would be fiction. The saying of what a real woman looks like never, and I mean never, made a bit of sense to me.

If women collectively loved themselves more and rejected 
the expanding insecurities 
they create,the beauty industry would crumble—
One Gentleman

Whether you have a shape like Jennifer Lopez, Lucy Liu, Sharon Dumfries, Ashley Graham, Melyssa Ford, Maggie Q or Whitney Thompson, there is someone for you. Thin, muscular or plus size—your competition is your self-esteem…not anyone else.

Do not make this a competition between the size of your dress, and the size of someone else’s.

The same harm you believe the current beauty standards create for plus size females, the reversal of your campaign creates the same harm for naturally slim females. To correct a wrong, you do not create another.

This is One Gentleman’s Perspective; I would love to read yours. Do you feel compelled to look a certain weight? What drives this?

Is it acceptable to ridicule someone’s weight, when in return you dislike when others ridicule yours? How do you feel about this slim shaming vs fat shaming culture, battling it out on social media?