Advice, Blogger, Communication, Couples, Culture, Dating, OneGentlemansPerspective, Online Dating, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Social Media, Women
In the male edition of online dating offenses, I concluded that meeting a partner online is a common practice today. The objective behind the post was to touch on a few dating issues, which some guys often commit in this era of online dating.
Personally, I think online dating can conclude with a successful partnership, but I am also aware that with every success, we are bound to experience a number of failures.
With that said, it is time to focus my attention on our female counterparts. By now, you know I believe no one is above reproach, therefore, after addressing the common male blunders, it is only right to address the complaints against females.
I am sure there will be a few items on the list, which may rub some people the wrong way. To that, I lightheartedly say tough cookies.
1. Do Not Lie About Your Body Type
Males are visual creatures, so although your appearance is not the end-all-be-all, it does play a role. There is someone for everyone, and by that, I believe regardless if you have a slim, athletic or larger physique, someone will find you attractive.
Ultimately, you should refrain from fabricating your weight and by fabricating, I am referring to the tricks used to either enhance or reduce your actual physical shape.
Some guys are becoming more aware of the photographic tricks, which you can create via an application, or by adjusting the angle of the photo.
For instance, after the spike of specific angles used in photographs on Myspace, male users conclude whenever she refuses to post photos of her entire body, the likelihood is that she is self-conscious about her weight. Therefore, she will only take photos of her face, or angled images to distort her body.
Regardless of your body type, lies will not benefit you. The same way that females dislike when guys lie about their height, guys tend to frown upon outright fabrications about your weight. It is akin to false advertisement.
Instead of lying about your appearance to entice interest, let him make the choice to go on a date with the real you. Do not make the decision for him, by fabricating and then showing up to the date, where you become upset if he refuses to stay.
Regardless where your body falls on the weight spectrum, there is someone for you.
You should not have to fabricate elements of yourself, in order for someone to go on a date with you. Reject the misinformation that popular female dating experts may tell you, because guys dislike this particular dating offense.
They do not hate slim figures, athletic figures or overweight figures, they dislike when you false advertise your physical appearance.
2. Refusing To Be Direct And Upfront About Your Expectations
This is an interesting one, because between males and females, I would honestly believe females would be more direct, concerning their expectations while dating.
When you refuse to acknowledge your expectations, and he falls short of these invisible expectations, you can blame no one but yourself.
For instance, if you are dodging around what you expect from a guy in your profile (relationship, fling, etc.) and you go on a few dates with someone who treats you as a fling, you should not direct your anger at him. Instead, consider your lack of communication and setting expectations.
If you are only looking for a fling, say it. If you are looking for something to build into a relationship gradually, say it. If you have no idea what you want, say it.
However, do not dodge around the issue and then become upset when his innate reaction is to treat you as a fling, or if he begins to seek a relationship. Let him know what you want. It will save you both from the potential miscommunication.
3. Fixating on how your heart has been broken, over and over and over and over and over again
I know this one from personal experience. I am imploring some of my female counterparts to refrain from doing this: discussing how many times your heart has been broken in the past. Please, leave the troubles you had with your exes—with your exes.
Men have been picking up the scraps of past relationship woes for generations. I am empathetic to the issues created from your past, but you should not unload this unto each new prospect.
Eventually, you need to look in the mirror, and understand that the root of your woes may actually be the person, currently looking back.
Is this a harsh assessment? I would not say so. If you continue facing the same miseries, yet the only consistent element during the entire process is you, do you really believe you did not play a role whatsoever?
Whatever Tommy, Craig, Peter, Christion, Eduardo, Ichigo, Naruto and Bruce committed should not become the burden, of the next person entering your life.
You have to work on yourself first, before you can begin anew. Until you can own the woes of your past, I would suggest refraining from creating a dating profile altogether.
4. Setting Dating Requirements to Rival Top-Secret Government Clearances
I mentioned before that you should set expectations, and communicate them directly. Well, that is vastly different to this idea of a checklist that some people create, concerning what they want from a partner.
With setting expectations and communicating them, there is a balance present. You are defining what you want, but also defining what you offer as well.
You see, when you participate in a job interview, you understand the breakdown of what the company will provide.
401K matching benefits
Two weeks’ vacation time
You are not simply blind on what they will offer.
This is drastically different, to a supposed top-secret government dating checklist. This list of demands seems to rival political vetting positions, and it makes you come across needy and unattractive.
You then blame your singlehood, on the fact that women with advanced degrees or high paying positions intimidate men. In reality, you turn them off specifically.
Create a balance instead, where you show what you are bringing to the table, along with the things you expect from your counterpart. That way, in this interview process, both know what the other is bringing to the table.
Relationships are a team sport, regardless if it is brand new or celebrating its 30th anniversary. Show me your hand, and I will show you mine.
5. Assuming I Can, and I Will Change Him
If I had a pound for each guy I encountered, who referenced a woman trying to change him, I would be able to acquire a 30 percent stake in Berkshire Hathaway Class-A shares.
Women, girls and ladies alike, keep in mind that…
I am sure you have heard this before. In fact, I know you have heard this before, yet it still happens nonetheless. Though this topic becomes more prevalent, as the relationship progresses beyond the first date, I still consider it crucial to add on this list.
I was a broken man before I met my wife. There is no denying that. This is complete transparency here, but the former version of me, would have used her sexually, and not realize how messed up the relationship was emotionally.
However, I was in a transitional period when we met. It was the onset of my transformation, but something about her provided a deeper incentive to evolve. She did not try to change me—I evolved because of her.
A man can and will mature into a better version of himself, but only when he is ready. By trying to force the issue, it is unlikely to work, but also, it is likely to create contention.
You may try to change the way that he dresses, his friends, what he likes to do in his spare time, etc. There is a difference between me sharing my love of comic books with my wife, with that of forcing the topic of comic books and graphic novels in her life.
There is a difference with my wife sharing a new artist in a music genre, to forcing it down my throat. You eventually develop some of the interests of your partner, but you should reject the idea of wanting to change him.
Consider ending the notion that I can, and I will change him. I cannot speak for all males, but more often than not, the behavior is not a welcoming one.
Relationships are not easy, especially when you are trying to initiate the process. I cannot tell you what works best for you, because only you can make this assessment, through various trials and tribulations.
What I can suggest is being as honest about who you are, in comparison to fabricating a fairy tale version of who you want to be. The current version of you may not be the best possible version, which you can develop into over time, but for the moment, it is the best that you have.
Love yourself first, because until you embrace the current you, you cannot have a successful relationship with someone else. Happiness begins from within, and until you come to terms with this understanding, you will continue seeking this awareness from external forces.
When things go wrong in heterosexual relationships, it appears socially acceptable to place all the blame on men. Reject this notion and take ownership of your faults, whatever they may be. However, this is my perspective. I am far more interested in yours.
Do you consider this an acceptable list, involving things that women should refrain from doing, in this era of online dating? What else would you add?
Latrea Kimberly Morrow said:
Wow, I’m kind of taken aback with the .Gif in your article. Not at all against the content of the article. My question is why do men/women feel the need to pretend? It’s exhausting!
The .Gif speaks volumes. The guy wants the girl, but he feels that if he puts on an act or appear as someone he’s not that she’ll love him. *shaking my head* The games just lead to hurt and disappointment.
Everyone wants real love, whether they know what it looks like is a different story. Everyone wants to trust someone with their deepest thoughts and feelings. We were made to love. It’s in our DNA. However, manipulation, trickery, impersonators, and all the other games have taken president. How unfortunate.
I still believe in true love. I believe that there is someone for everyone that will love them completely. What is stopping the love from flowing is being authentic. Be yourself and someone will love the you flaws and all.
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One Gentleman said:
LoL. They were actually doing a prank, which is quite funny. The premise of the prank is to determine if people actually pay attention, when someone new is speaking to them. They dressed in the same attire and when the person would look away, they would switch places. It is quite amazing what they concluded in the prank.
You are right, everyone desires companionship of some sort, but along this process, people lend themselves to trickery. This does no long-term good in my opinion. It is quite unfortunate how people behave in this era of dating, and I must admit, I am happy to know I am no longer part of this process. LoL. The behaviors I see today are rather concerning.
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