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From personal observation, it appears the current state of our society is one where we label promiscuous behavior as sexual liberation, and any thought to the contrary is slut-shaming or demonizing sexuality. Through One Gentleman’s Perspective, I beg to differ. Since we normalize promiscuous behavior today, I am aware this post may ruffle some feathers. As adults, we should be able to agree to disagree.
For instance, if person A frowns upon the actions of person B, because person B willingly decided to perform oral sex on 10 different partners in a given day…person A’s inability to smile at this behavior is considered slut-shaming. In fact, if you disagree with the action, expect a barrage of insults.
In short, if you do not give a high-five, condone or positively react to these actions, you are displaying a shaming tactic. Apparently, having an opinion is bad, unless that opinion agrees with the person under the microscope. That is hypocritical.
Is it not a shaming tactic to denounce one’s ability, in having an opinion? Is this not opinion shaming?
I still believe in males behaving like gentlemen and females behaving like ladies. Call me old school, but now that I am married, sex with anyone besides my wife and her multiple characters; it is not okay. If you choose to have five consenting adults in your sessions of body exploration, that is your right.
However, this is not about sex…this is about receiving the treatment of a lady.
Ladies, to receive the treatment of a lady, you must first act like a lady. That is priority number one. You cannot expect the treatment of a lady, when your every action denounces everything a lady stands for.
I am not a professional race car driver, so although I can drive a vehicle, it is a sign of insanity if I desire others to treat me as if I were Jimmie Johnson.
It is your prerogative to reject the lifestyle, or to follow the blueprint of a lady. That is your right, but do not ridicule the women who do, and the men who find them attractive.
What does it mean to act like a lady? A lady is one who holds strong to what makes her a female. She does not see her gender as a sign of weakness, but embraces her femininity. A lady is the equivalent of her male counterpart, which is a gentleman.
If a heterosexual male desires outright masculinity, I assume this guy would date a masculine male. What is my point? I ask that you be a lady and make no apologies for it. As much as many like to believe there are no biological differences between males and females, there are two things called common sense and science that disagree.
A lady believes in self-control. Therefore, spewing profanity akin to a sailor on steroids is not part of the package. Words have power, and a lady should be able to convey a message, without relying on profanity.
Empowerment is giving power or authority, or to enable and permit. In my opinion, true empowerment is having the freedom to indulge and go beyond a limit, but refuses to push the envelope.
Have you ever become so angry with another person, you could just hit them or say the most insulting words, in order to transfer your aggression? However, you do not. Why is this? Even though you are empowered by two arms and words to defend yourself, you utilize self-control and do the opposite.
Any person can strike or insult another individual…it does not take any energy at all. What does take work is using your better judgment. That sense of emotional restraint is an example of empowerment. Any lady who thinks in this manner, is unlikely to allow someone to treat them any less, than how they treat themselves.
Allowing any number of men to enter your body should not empower you, when it does not take any real effort on your behalf, to attain sexual attention from males. If you place an average looking female in a setting with 100 men, someone will find her sexually attractive. That is not something to highlight. Breaking news, heterosexual men like having sex with women and wait for it…sex occurs with women.
You do not receive a prize because a male follows along with biology, where he wants to have sex with you. The point is simple; do not equate random sex with 30 guys in a given week, or the number of men who want to have sex with you as empowering.
You have a vagina or what I like to call, kitty, and he has a penis—it is biology for this heterosexual male to seek you. You can feel empowered, but it is a little silly when you analyze biology.
If you desire the treatment of lady, without having to act like a man, you must first conduct yourself in the manner of a lady. When you begin acting as a lady, each person will hold you to this standard.
People treat Queen Elizabeth as royalty due to her lineage, but also because she carries herself as such. We treat our professors in college as educators, because of how they portray themselves.
This concept is no different for a woman, who desires the treatment of a lady. No one can be a better you…than you.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
I think you may have the wrong idea about what slut-shaming is, albeit in a very subtle way. Slut-shaming is not disagreeing with promiscuity, but rather making a woman who is promiscuous feel guilty or inferior about it. One can disagree with many things without hurting someone else’s feelings over it.
For example, I disagree with using whole cardamom pods in biryani and I think it’s a very annoying practice, and as such I don’t do it. However, I will never say to someone who makes biryani in such a way (especially for me), “My god, you are a terrible person. Act like a decent person and stop that right now.” In fact, I would never say anything unless point blank asked, “What do you think of using whole cardamom pods in biryani?” because until then, why does my opinion matter?
One way respects a person’s autonomy and the other seeks to make people behave in a way that you yourself see fit according to your own unique set of morals.
I happen to agree with your thoughts that one does not need to be promiscuous to feel empowered or confident in her femininity (though I fervently disagree with your thoughts on spewing profanity, which my blog posts frequently do 😀 ) However, I also recognize that those ideas fit MY idea of what it is to be a lady. Moreover, the point of disagreeing with slut-shaming is that regardless of whether a woman ‘acts like a man’ or ‘acts like a lady’ (both very limiting statements, don’t you think?), she is often treated as an object who should be ashamed of her sexuality. A prime example is when a rape survivor is told that because she wore high heels and a form-fitting dress, she was asking for it.
Just some thoughts of my own 🙂
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Thank you very much for the comment. I always appreciate feedback, whether it agrees or disagrees with my perspective. Dialog is always a good thing. This will be long because I want the thoughts to be fleshed out. In regard to a cooking ingredient and a person, whether male or female, who decides to conduct promiscuous behavior, I personally disagree with the analogy for a few reasons. Cardamom, similar to saffron, is one of the most ancient spices. In fact, true cardamom was used by the Vikings, Egyptians, Indians, etc. it is both a food ingredient, but also a remedy for a number of stomach and respiratory tract. I am sure you are aware of that. Using the whole pod is always very common in biryani.
Not related to this exact spice, but I see this in the Philippines and many other countries when it comes to cooking different dishes. One province uses ingredients XYZ for a dish, but in the next province, for that same dish, they incorporate ingredients UVW and remove XYZ. It is the same dish, but different ingredients depending on the location.
The reason people use the whole pod in biryani, is because it allows the cardamom to let out its juices from its seeds as the dish cooks. For dishes where the process of cooking is much slower, they remove the pods versus using the whole. Is it wrong to use pods or whole cardamom? Neither is wrong, because the dish still tastes good and there is no definition labeling the usage of whole pod as vile, nasty, disgusting, etc.
Why do I not equate using a common ingredient, in the same ballpark as a person who chooses to enter multiple bodies or have someone enter theirs; I believe we should have a higher standard. Others can disagree and once again, that is completely fine. I am not shaming them for this action–their emotions are. I simply point out what an action represents. If I bake pastries professionally, I am by definition a pastry chef. If a man weds his fiancée, by definition he is her husband. It is not an insult if someone walks into your bakery and calls you a pastry chef. However, the pastry chef could interpret the term negatively, but that is not the fault of the customer–it is the emotion of the pastry chef doing this, not his logic or the other individual.
If a girl willingly performs oral sex on 60 guys this morning, that is her business and her right. If a guy performs oral sex on 60 different women on Saturday, that is his right and his business. However, by definition, they are performing a promiscuous act. They are doing an act, which has a title or negative history. That title does not represent something positive. When a person commits an act, there are definitions that go along with this act. If I walk, I am walking. If I drink alcohol in an abusive nature, I am an alcoholic. Are you saying they should not receive the definition of said act? By your reply, that is the message. I humbly disagree.
Put it this way, if I had sex consensually, with 30 women this weekend, not only am I cheater but by definition, I am promiscuous. If someone points this out, that person specifically cannot shame me. That person specifically cannot make me feel guilty. I did the act and it is the definition of the act, which may bring shame and guilt. It is called accountability. If you cheat, own up to it. If you are promiscuous, own up to it. It is your right to do as you choose, but as an adult, you must be fully aware of the consequences that follow. This is my problem with slut shaming. If you commit a promiscuous and consensual act, where someone says by definition, this is what you did…why get upset with the label. You can of course, but it has nothing to do with the other person.
If you own up to it and say it is sexually liberating, another person’s opinion and the actual definition will mean nothing to you. However, that is not the issue here. People like to do things and not have it pointed out negatively. They want agreement or else, they would never reject to the notion of being labeled for exactly what they are doing.
As for profanity, you have every right to curse up a storm. I am not here to police anyone from cursing. I do not curse, but that is just a practice of mine. However, by definition, for a woman to curse as a sailor…it is not showing verbal restraint. I did not make this up, this falls in the parameters of a lady.I also did not say occasionally, etc. We know what it means to curse as a sailor. It means profanity is your life. I am not saying every woman should stop cursing. I am not the profanity police. I am pointing out one area of a lady includes restraint.
Do I find the labeling limited where one must act like a lady…not really. If I said to act like a woman, perhaps, but I used lady. There is a huge difference between a woman and acting like lady. There is also a huge difference between a man and a gentleman. The only person once again, who can shame one’s consensual and promiscuous point of view is the individual who is promiscuous.
Only an idiot, illogical minded and a small percentage of humanity, would genuinely blame a true rape victim for what she wore. That is another topic in and of itself. However, generally speaking, only idiots blame true rape victims. This is another area that grinds my gears…people connecting true rape victims, with a woman or man, who decides consensually to have sex with 50 people in one day. Those things are not only worlds apart—they are not in the same galaxy.
Rape is a serious topic and one where you are a victim. If you had oral sex consensually with the entire football team—you are no victim. I do not ridicule people because it serves no purpose. it only makes the discussion negative. Thank you once again for the response. I think we may have to agree to disagree. LoL
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I’m just saying. Crack the dang pod open first and discard the husk!
We’re probably actually agreed on ‘promiscuity’ as a word to describe someone’s actions. However, what one ‘gentleman’ considers promiscuous, another may consider merely experienced. And it’s because of this relative sliding scale of comfort level that I think defining a ‘lady’ as one who is not promiscuous is fallacious.
Let’s take the example of a woman more realistic than 60 acts of fellatio in one morning (because really, does she moonlight as Trap Jaw from He-Man?). A single woman who has 3 dates with 3 different men over 3 different nights. She sleeps with one of them (and yes, on the first date). For some men, this would count as promiscuous. For others, it would count as a normal weekend for a single woman.
Who gets to define that this woman is promiscuous? Who gets to say suddenly that she isn’t ladylike? What if during the course of the rest of the week she is completely demure and near-virginal? Is it really the emotions of the woman driving the source of the offense if a more conservative man were to call her promiscuous when she wouldn’t consider herself so? When other men and other peers wouldn’t?
I’ll give you another analogy: a dog that doesn’t fit all the AKC standards for a breed is by definition a loser, a poor representative of its breed. Does that mean the dog is a crap showdog? Maybe, maybe not; it just won’t win a lot of ribbons, and probably the family that snuggles it at night doesn’t care at all.
I think the closest consensus that we can reach is that one shouldn’t blow 60 dudes in one morning; maybe spread it across 2 or 3. In my mind, a true gentleman would be more like Colonel Pickering, and make a woman feel like a lady by treating her like one, and not by judging her for her past.
I’m not trying to troll or anything by continuing to reply, but this has been a interesting one to think about!
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Lol. I am not the pod police, so however one chooses to prepare their meal, that is up to them.
Definitions help determine what words mean. It is not about my interpretation or his, hers or yours. Words have existed and definitions give them meaning. I did not create these meanings. Promiscuous behavior is defined, just as criminal behavior has a definition. When you abuse alcohol consumption, by definition, you are an alcoholic.
Without definitions, words have no purpose, actions have no purpose, etc. These definitions are there to let us understand what something means. But I do not think this is about applying logic or refuting the definition, which has existed long before my post.
I think this is more about your feelings regarding promiscuous behavior. I cannot tell you how to feel. I can only tackle your logical explanation on the subject. If you want to talk about your feelings, that is a different discussion. My post was not condoning or shaming one’s choice to be promiscuous…that is his or her choice.
I only pointed out there is a definition that goes along with promiscuous behavior. That cannot be refuted or called into question. However, if this is about your feelings on not agreeing with the definition, that is your right. You should take that up with the founding fathers–not me. Lol.
People are usually uncomfortable when bad behavior is pointed out. Generally speaking, it is not something that brings joy when someone points out a behavior that has negative connotations. That relative sliding scale you referenced, that is entirely an internal feeling by the person committing the act. It is their own doing.
If the promiscuous act was something they willingly performed, without any concern for the historical negativity surrounding the act, another person would not be able to make them feel “bad,” or uncomfortable with the action. Why? Because as a willing participant to something I see nothing wrong/weird with, your words will mean nothing. The uncomfortable feeling they experience is entirely their emotions, and not something brought on by the other person.
For a woman who has sex on date number one, that is her business. I could not care less. However, it is not something I would ever teach my daughter to practice. Why? I believe we should hold ourselves to higher standards. I would hope sharing her body with another person would take more than one date. If someone disagrees, that is their right. But the values we wish to instill in our children, it will not be that. When they become adults, I would hope the values remain. But they are free to do as they please at that point.
I have witnessed guys dedicate more time on the what shirt to wear to the club, than the selection process of which girl they will perform oral sex. Keep in my mind, that is his business and his right. I am simply pointing out that you spend more time on an outfit selection, than where you insert your tongue. That is a rather interesting method of prioritization.
I have seen women become adamant in regard to only drinking Pepsi, but refuse to challenge the number of guys who enter their bodies. Once again, this is her business. I am simply showing the level of importance in a mundane area, versus something that should take more attention, such as her vagina.
She can do as she chooses, because it is her body, but there are repercussions for every decision we make. Promiscuous behavior receives the labeling of promiscuity. We can dislike or like this, but it does not change the fact that an action has a definition.
History decided what each word means. This applies to fruits, dragons, vehicles, etc. No one legitimately questions why an apple is an apple, or why did we define the anus, the anus. But for some reason, promiscuous behavior is somehow above logical dissection. I say hogwash. Lol. A murderer is a murderer, not because they killed ten people, but because definition says it is someone who commits a murder. A murder is when you kill another person (removing legal distinctions of course). They only need to kill one person.
To be promiscuous, it refers to having sexual relations on a casual basis, with a number of partners. If a person needs to ask someone to give a specific number, then they’re by definition, promiscuous. Lol. In all seriousness, there is no magical number. But if you have casual sex with different partners, that is a promiscuous act.
We cannot refute the facts of the definition. However, if you want to address your feelings on the topic, we can. But the fact remains. It is entirely the emotions of that individual causing them to react negatively, if someone points out what their behavior means. This guy can do as he wants. However, that same rule applies for the person who points out the definition of the act.
If the dog does not fit the standards of the show, then yes, the dog does not meet the standards for the show. Therefore, the dog is not up to par for the show. This seems to be about your feelings again, and that is fine. We can address how you perceive this subpar labeling for the dog as being bad/wrong, but the fact remains, the dog fell short of the shows standards.
The family can love him, but that has nothing to do with the standards of the show. By definition, the dog Is below standard for the show.
Under no circumstances should any person be given entitled treatment, without earning said treatment. If you do not carry yourself as X, it is illogical to ever want the same treatment as X.
I could never demand my neighbors to literally treat me as a King, when I have no known royal bloodline. It is illogical if I walked outside and asked everyone to treat me as the president, without being in the Oval office. You seem to have completely interpreted my post through your own understanding and not from my words. I did not judge. I even said a person can do as they choose, however, there are consequences.
I enjoy dialog, so your replies are definitely welcomed. I am grateful for the feedback. Thank you very much.
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My point is that these connotations are YOUR feelings on the matter, not a denotation of the word “promiscuous”. And in fact, we probably have the very same definition, so they’re my definition as well.
But there is no rulebook that says, “If thou hast licked the genitals of no more than three men, thou art not promiscuous. After the fourth, thou art forever slut.”
As for “If you do not carry yourself as X, it is illogical to ever want the same treatment as X”, I challenge you, as a fellow ‘minority’, to insert “a white person” for X and see how that works out. 🙂
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“Promiscuity, in human sexual behaviour, is the practice of having casual sex frequently with different partners or of being indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.”
That is a definition pulled directly from a dictionary. That is not my feeling and I am confused you actually believe, that using a definition is my feeling or emotion.
If there is anyone utilizing feelings, it appears you do not like the notion where negative labels are attached to promiscuous behavior. But that is not a battle you have with me–it is between you, societal norms and history. I have mentioned several times really; what someone does on a consensual basis means nothing to me. That is his or her business.
Is there a rulebook? Yeah, the definition above. Are we going to go in circles refuting a word that has history for generations, or are we in reality, going in circles about your feelings on the matter? You have to tell me which you want to discuss: your feelings or the actual definition of promiscuous behavior. When we do both at the same time, it blends fact with opinion. That is no bueno.
We are using your feelings again. Though I do not “carry myself” as a Caucasian male, people treat me based on how I treat them, act, etc.
Are there people who have stereotypes and without uttering a word, the mere sight of a Black person without any action on that Black person’s behalf, brings negative stereotypes to the forefront? Of course, but you miss the part about action. They did not perform any action. The action sets you apart from just an initial sight. If after my action, you still treat me as the opposite, then that is entirely your deficiency. It is not mine.
If I carry myself like a thug, then treat me as one. If I carry myself as a thug, it is illogical for me to desire you treating me like a law abiding citizen. I do not think your argument went well there, but I see the trap you were trying to set. Once again, if you would like to talk about your feelings, we can. But we cannot blend your feelings with a fact–it distorts the argument.
For example, I feel the tenant laws in California are illogical, in regard to the 30 day matter. If a tenant rents a property for 30 days, they are considered month-to-month-lease tenants. This means that in order to kick out the squatter who refuses to leave, you would actually have to go through the whole process to evict that person. Eviction is neither fast nor cheap: it could take as much as half a year and cost around $5,000 in lawyer’s fees.
Imagine the squatter was only paying a rent of $500 or whatever…it could cost the owner thousands to make them leave. This law is a horrible one.
However, it does not change the fact that it is a law. My feelings on the subject: it is a horrible law, but that does not change the fact it is a law. Did you see how I separated my feelings from a fact?
I am confused by what you are trying to convey. You say that you understand the definition of promiscuous behavior, but then say you do not agree with my feelings on the topic. I am confused because I did not wish the word into existence, so there is no rulebook that I created.
Society created that word and the very actions depicting it. But this is fun. However, unless you separate your feelings from fact, this written exercise will not serve much purpose. I do like dialog, but dialog with a clear and focused direction. Thank you sincerely for the discussion.
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“Promiscuity, in human sexual behaviour, is the practice of having casual sex frequently with different partners or of being indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.”
Each of those words I bolded has variance in meaning to different people. To some couples, twice a week is frequent. To others, twice a day. To some people, sex before marriage is casual. To others, sex on the first date is casual. The sum of all of those variable words being used together to define a word like “promiscuous” then means that “promiscuous” has variance as well.
That’s what I’m trying to convey. It has nothing to do with my personal feelings or any negativity I associate with the word and everything to do with considering multiple points of view beyond my own.
If this is still confusing you, then I’m afraid you’re right and the discussion is likely at an end.
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I am not confused by the definition of promiscuity, I am confused by your rationale. If you want to refute the fact of the points I made, not your opinion on the facts, we can. But if you would like to address your opinion, please mention that.
There is nothing wrong with either, but you cannot blend the two without making it clear this is what you are doing. I gave an exact fact to show how one should set a clear distinction when providing an opinion, and trying to factually refute a fact.
I will provide two more. It is a fact by biology, Jeffrey Dahmer is human being. However, his actions in my opinion do not reflect that of a normal human being. He is something else entirely. It is a fact that I was quoted nearly $5K for a bespoke wedding tuxedo. But in my opinion, that price was higher than necessary and in my opinion, you do not need to spend that much to have a beautifully constructed tuxedo.
It is a fact that casual sex is a promiscuous act. Whether that is five partners in a given day, 10, 30…I could not care less, because that was never the point of my post. Lol. What a person does at home sexually and with consent, that is their business. My post and comments point out that a promiscuous act, is defined as promiscuous.
What you are doing is wanting me to define the number. I cannot, nor will I. It is a moot argument really. Lol
A murderer does not need to murder five individuals to be labeled a murderer…he only needs to murder one. If you have casual sex, that is literally part of the promiscuous definition. If you disagree with the definition, once again, take that up with the founding fathers. Lol.
I am not partaking in the, “give me an exact number” argument. A promiscuous behavior really is self explanatory. One person’s sex fact list may be longer than the other (30-year-old guy with 60 casual partners vs 35-year-old guy with 300 casual partners), but they both fall under promiscuous.
To sum this up, what exactly do you consider promiscuous behavior? I ask because my post was not about pinpointing a number that represents promiscuity.
The post is about my opinion on the following:
1. How to be treated as a lady
2. If you disagree with a promiscuous act, you are branded a slut-shamer. This is a tactic to shame you into not having an opinion
3. People irrationally asking for treatment in a manner they do not act/deserve
4. Pointing out the definition of a lady and what she does/does not do, based entirely on the actual definition.
5. Define empowerment and provide my examples of showing empowerment. I blended a fact, by showing my opinion of the word.
6. Having a guy wanting to have sex with you, does not make you special. It just proves biology is real.
It is always a pleasure engaging, but address the things I presented and not bits and pieces of what you interpret. It is the only way to truly discuss anything. Any other way causes confusion.
What exactly do you want me, one guy, to say about promiscuous behavior? Should I say it does not exist? Should I condone it? Should I say I disagree with it? What is your objective here?
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My primary objective was to point out that you had (and still have) the wrong definition of slut-shaming. Saying you disagree with a promiscuous lifestyle is not slut-shaming; saying a woman is less deserving of respect and good treatment is.
Then a secondary objective arose: I’m wondering if you realize how presumptuous it is for you to tell women how to be a lady. It would be like me trying to tell you how to be a fine upstanding black man. Your opinion is your own, and valid, and this is your space to share it, and it’s not my intention to encroach upon that. But, although I fit your criteria here for being “a lady” and therefore share your opinion about what promiscuous is, I think you are unaware of how narrowly focused your opinion is and had hoped to broaden it.
I can see now that I will not, so I’ll just thank you for all the time you’ve spent replying, and wish you well 🙂
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So, you will pick and choose once again. Okay, that is totally fine. Not a way to dissect another person’s perspective, but totally fine.
Let us put this to bed, because once again, any discussion that blurs the lines of opinion with fact, without clearly separating the two, it leads to this back and forth.
This is One Gentleman’s Perspective. I hope that was clear, but perhaps not. Lol. This is not The God of Everything Perspective, or The I Know Everything Because I Created Life Perspective. You are free to agree or disagree with anything online or offline. However, the best approach is to stick to, and address everything the other person says.
Your opinion of what I believe is incorrect, as far as slut-shaming. I gather my understanding of words, by how others use it and compare it to the actual definition. Of all the videos and articles I have read (countless), the speaker:
1. Becomes upset if you point out their behavior as a depiction of promiscuity. **People who conduct culturally negative things, tend to dislike/depict shame/hate when others point it out.** That is not an opinion, that is fact.
2. Blends their irrational explanation of a woman legitimately raped, with a person who consensually performs casual sex acts. This bothers me the most.
The idea of connecting someone who is genuinely raped, with a girl or guy who has sex with several people willingly–it is illogical and undermines rape. One is a victim and the other is not. The problem with slut-shaming; people use it for everything and it destroys the meaning. It is like sexism, racism, etc. They get used in every situation, especially when not warranted. It is like the boy who cries wolf. Words are powerful, but not when they begin to lose true meaning. I am very careful when and how I use a word.
I said if you act a way, you deserved to be treated as such. Once again, you are using your feelings and what you interpret…not what I am saying. That is no bueno. Lol. It is a bad way to discuss anything. It distorts everything the other person is saying. I ask politely; if we are tackling a topic, please refrain from using this tactic. You perceived what I was saying, but failed to see what I am saying. That is not my doing…it is yours.
So I ask and please address exactly this: where did I say to treat a woman with bad treatment? Did I not say how you act is how others should treat you? I will use another example, although I have done so several times before. If I act like a thug, treat me like one. I would not expect you to treat me as a law-abiding citizen. It is illogical to expect a different treatment, than how you carry yourself. That goes for males and females.
Presumptuous? Really? Okay…let us tackle your concept of me being presumptuous by giving my opinion on your opinion. Imagine I created a blog titled The Wealthy Perspective. That title literally speaks for itself. You already know what to expect: high-end watches, bespoke suits, high performance vehicles, exotic vacations, thinking…living and being wealthy. I am not here to show you how to be poor. My goal is to show you how to act as someone wealthy. If you fall in the category of someone who does not have wealth, you will view this blog as appearing arrogant, because it is catering to those who are wealthy or people yearning to reach that level. Everything I write will be through the perspective of someone wealthy.
For those wealthy individuals viewing this blog, everything posted will generally resonate. The post on How to dress for Success is speaking directly to me, because my walk-in closet is comparable to three large bedrooms. What is the point? If you have never lived this type of lifestyle, and disagree with the user’s perspective on living, every post will grind your gears, because it is speaking to everything you are not.
Is that the account holder’s fault or yours? They are speaking to those who are wealthy and it clearly is not for you. Does that make the post saying you should only wear bespoke suits presumptuous? Not to someone who can afford bespoke suits…but to someone who cannot afford, it may. In a nutshell, your argument has nothing to do with me. It is entirely your own perception boiling to the surface, which you project outward by your own interpretation by what you are reading.
For someone to go this hard, yet proclaim they fit the definition of a lady, I believe you are trying to rile me up. LOL. If you agree that you are a lady, what exactly would you even have an issue with, when it comes to one person’s post on being treated as a lady. I am one guy with an opinion.
If you created a post on how to be an upstanding Black man–and I see what you are doing there again, but I will go there. If you create this post, that is your right. As an upstanding Black guy, I would read and see how well it actually connects with the reality. Just to make it clear though, there is no difference between being a good/upstanding man, and being an upstanding Black man. They are the same. A good man is a good man, whether he is Mexican, Chinese, etc.
Here is what I wish people would do more—a promiscuous person who says, yeah, I am promiscuous. A child rapist who says, yeah, I am a pedophile. I do not want to hear you sugarcoat what you are doing or become upset when someone points it out. It lacks logic. My opinion is not narrowly focused…once again; I did not create the definition of promiscuity. LoL. The post was not even about promiscuity. I did not create the definition of a lady, nor the behaviors that define a lady. These two words have existed since the beginning. If you are upset/bothered or anything else, dig deep down inside and figure out why, because it has nothing to do with me.
Alternatively, you can contact the founding fathers and have them change the meanings. This is very long as you can see, because I have to address each point precisely. The problem has nothing to do with me following the exact definition—it is you and your feelings. That is fine, but why mention it is something else? This is the final post hopefully, because you are not really addressing my points, or showing where I went wrong. Final points: I did not make up the definitions. An action that fits the definition will be labeled as such. The actions that do not fit the definition will obviously be the opposite of the definition.
It really is a pleasure and no hard feelings whatsoever. As mentioned before, I enjoy dialogue. The problem with any dialogue is interpretation and using feelings for what we perceive that we hear or read, and the perception as opposed to what was actually said. You did that many times here. It is a low-blow tactic and serves no purpose. You cannot create your own argument and argue that point, yet say you are trying to discuss with someone else. You are not discussing with someone else…you are having an argument with yourself. If you wish to chat further, I would be glad to reply privately. My replies are too long, since I am reviewing each thing you present.
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I think this post for me stands on the ledge of what exactly you consider a “lady” or how said lady “should be treated.” I’m always fascinated with the whole topic of gender issues, but at the same time am WAY more fascinated with the issues of individuals regardless of gender and the stereotypes that ensue. I noticed you referenced swearing like a sailor as not being a quality of a lady. Naturally, you’ve read my blog and realized that I have fallen prey to this quality. You obviously don’t know me and are not a fair judge of whether I am or am not this “lady” you described; but I am a bit interested in how you interpret the appropriate way a lady should act in order to be treated how she should. For me, I guess I go with the whole treat others how you want to be treated. I treat others very open-mindedly and only swear in terms of humor for the purpose of fun times rather than out of anger or disrespect. I loved the topic of this post and it definitely kept me interested and provoked some thinking! I can’t wait to read more!
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Thanks for taking the time to read. I always enjoy hearing the perspective of others. I too enjoy discussions surrounding gender issues and the various traits associated with each.
If my son (we do not have children yet) wants to learn how to cook, I would be a horrible person to say, “No son, cooking is for girls only.” In my family, boys are taught from a very young age how to move about the kitchen. Some of the best cooks in my family are males.
If our daughter one day wanted to watch me put together furniture, I would be a horrible person to say, “No darling, building is for boys only.”
Due to my scheduling with clients, I arrived home rather late after we first got our place. Upon arriving home, my wife had already put together perfectly, some of the furniture pieces on her own. She did not want to wait for my meetings to conclude, before these things were completed.
When I created this blog post, I knew the topic would trigger a reaction. I speak from definitions, and give examples based strictly on a definition.
I cannot redefine a lady, when the definition has existed without any changes. So any example you read in this post comes directly from a definition. I cannot say if you are a lady, murderer, angry person, doctor, etc. A definition will define that. It is not my place to classify you or any one else…your actions and a definition will.
A lady is defined as someone who is refined, well spoken, polite, and well-mannered, with high standards of proper behavior. That is not my definition, that is from a dictionary. If after reading this and you feel cursing like a sailor is a reflection of this definition, then who am I to question your interpretation? I interpret how X must be viewed, by how X portrays themself.
When a guy acts like a pushover, women treat him as such. They do not question the definition, because everything he does fits the definition. When a guy is known by all friends, as a serial cheater, women refuse to touch him with a ten foot pole. Why? Because he depicts all of the traits of a cheater. They do not question the definition, because his actions are that of a cheater.
I treat everyone as how I would like to be treated, but there is an important thing we cannot overlook as if it does not exist. Imagine you are in the presence of a known rapist/murderer/domestic abuser who just escaped prison and you knew this very clearly. Would you feel at ease as if you were in the presence of your mum or dad? His actions define everything a rapist/domestic abuser/murderer represents. You will not treat him as how you would treat a loving parent.
Scenarios like this completely throw out the nice concept of treating others as you want treated. This occurs because the way a person carries themselves will always be a reflection of how others treat them.
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Thanks for the response! The definition helped me better understand to what you are referring. I personally think gender issues are becoming a little outdated. They will always have a role in society but I think the lines are starting to blur. I’m in a super individualistic mindset right now but I definitely see what you are saying! I think for the most part people get treated the way they portray themselves.
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It is my pleasure. I believe in conversing with others, because it really enhances your outlook. Whether they agree or disagree is irrelevant. Talking with others is key for me. Hold firm to your individualism, because we live in a society where it seems carbon copies are the way to be. I say kick rocks with that logic. lol
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🙂 I completely agree!
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Great post! I haven’t had time to read the thread of comments, I’m commenting on your article.
I’m so glad that chivalry is still around, that there are gentlemen in this world!
There are also ladies, who not only act like ladies, but are ladies indeed! My mom was a lady and she taught me how to be a lady and behave as a lady; I am thankful for that.
There are males and there are females, that is a fact. But not all males are gentlemen and not all females are ladies, that is the truth.
Ladies and gentlemen have impeccable manners, or at least are courteous. 😉
I do not (and have never) used profanity and crude language, because a lady is refined and would rather make better use of the English language by using appropriate nouns, verbs and adjectives. I don’t say this boasting of this virtue, it is simply that ladies do not have foul mouths, as you so wittily put it, “spewing profanity akin to a sailor on steroids is not part of the package. Words have power, and a lady should be able to convey a message, without relying on profanity.” I concur completely.
Likewise, gentlemen have a good vocabulary and know that words are powerful, able to bless or curse. A gentleman doesn’t only omit vulgar language around ladies; he is real, not a fake gentleman to please the girls and swear around the guys.
I love being a feminine woman. I have dignity in my weakness. It simply means that I am more delicate than a construction worker (a job I appreciate, but could never and would never want to do!).
I love clothes that men don’t wear, because I delight in ruffles and lace and all things feminine that set me apart from my male counterparts. Likewise, I appreciate a man who dresses with masculine style: clean and casual or dressed to the nines in a suit and tie (which I love but would never wear myself LOL).
Any girl will grow into a woman, but it takes good manners, etiquette and some discipline to be a lady. The good news is a woman doesn’t have to be rich or well-educated. She can have any colour hair, eyes or skin and be born in any country.
Women who are upset with my comment are probably not ladies, and that’s their choice. Women can dress as they please, do as they like, but if you want to be a lady, you’ll act like one and be one; polite, refined and dignified.
Viva la différence that makes us ladies and gentlemen!!
❤ carmen
http://fashionableover50.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/day-trip-to-see-les-miserables/
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Wow…that was wow. My wife read your reply and was speechless. Lol. Just as there are men who go against everything a gentleman stands for, there are gentlemen who wish to stand firm to their beliefs…even if it goes against popular behavior.
Your mother seems to be a smart lady. Lol. I always tell my wife, “If we have a daughter, I know she is in great hands, because her mother will show her what it means to be a lady.” We are not perfect by a long shot, but there are certain values we want to instill with our children.
You get it perfectly…all gentlemen are men but not all men are gentlemen. All ladies are women but not all women are ladies. That has been my motto for some time now. I was not trying to offend anyone when I referenced certain areas of this post, such as the sailor example. I did not make the rules or definition.
That is one area I have witnessed online and sometimes, I see it in public. They are shunning their femininity, and everything that makes them a lady. I am not referring to gender roles and things of the sort. I am referring to her behaving exactly as a stereotypical male thug—mannerisms, speech, etc.
I think it is easy to misinterpret messages online, but in no way was I dictating a woman should be anything than what she wants to be. I was simply pointing out if you want to be treated as a lady, this is how it will happen.
“Any girl will grow into a woman, but it takes good manners, etiquette and some discipline to be a lady.” That is a great summary there and on that note, thank you sincerely for your experience and input.
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I loved this post. It’s a great reminder for all women out there to hold themselves with high regard and to act gracefully. Very well written and included lessons I’ll surely take to heart.
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“It’s a great reminder for all women out there to hold themselves with high regard and to act gracefully.”
Thank you very much for understanding, as opposed to completely misinterpreting the message. If a girl is not taught to uphold herself with high regard, why would anyone else. It is a basic understanding really…the way you portray yourself, is how everyone will follow suit.
You cannot have your cake, eat it and then ask for mine also. Lol. Silly example, but you cannot have it all. I do not know how other families decide to raise their children, but this is how I was raised.
My wife was raised the same way, and we will do the same when we have a child. Thank you very much for the kind words. They are much appreciated.
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