I do not mind when people share advice, with the adulterer or the paramour. However, the sympathy parade is not on duty here. You did a horrible action, and outsiders should make you fully aware.
On the other hand, if your partner decides to remain after discovering your infidelity, I believe they must come to terms with the betrayal.
In other words, your partner should not decide to constantly remind you of the betrayal. I do not think the reminder will help the relationship to move forward.
However, the outsiders that I am referring to, are friends and strangers listening to your woes, and understanding your behavior as if you are the victim.
If you are in a happy relationship, yet go astray, you are not a victim. One infidelity is not the same as another, so I cannot speak for all adulterous situations.
For this post, I am specifically addressing adulterers involved in happy relationships, who seem to seek sympathy upon the discovery of their infidelity.
You are not a victim. I cannot give sympathy to someone who climaxed multiple times, whereas the girlfriend or wife at home, awaits patiently to celebrate date night. As she is at home preparing for their night out, her partner is elsewhere, venturing across every inch of your body.
You are not a victim. You climaxed multiple times, whereas her boyfriend or husband is at the restaurant, wondering why she is an hour late to their anniversary reservation. You will receive absolutely no sympathy here.
I will share advice, but you need to stop singing this song of Woe is Me. The heck with your woe…we should focus on the trauma of the person you hurt.
To the other woman or man, please understand that there are a number of single men and women in this world—find one. I understand that you specifically, cannot breakup a happy home, because a home in order cannot experience destruction, solely because you were present.
If it were not you, they would simply find another person. There is much lacking from within the cheating partner, so I am not only blaming the paramour. I am placing blame on both individuals. In all scenarios though, the adulterer should receive the brunt of the blame.
As the other woman, your pain should not compare to a woman in love with her high school sweetheart, all to find out he has been in a seven month relationship with you.
As the other man, your pain should not compare to a man who is at home, taking care of the family, yet his partner is inside a hotel room with you.
Your pain is but a speck of dust, floating inside my living room. I am sorry, but I refuse to feel sympathy for you. I find it strange when I read comments and listen to conversations, where the other woman or man receives this rush of sympathy from others.
Personally, I know of men and women, who endure the pain of infidelity. Some of the relationships are less than five years, but I am also aware of a relationship in its 50th year.
In fact, my mum recently contacted me regarding a close friend of hers. This woman is a hardworking woman. She is a woman anyone could find inspiration, simply by hearing her story.
When other couples celebrate milestones with their partner after 30+ years, on her 40th anniversary, she spent the day crying to my mother. Her husband after 40 years revealed a horrible gift.
Not only was he in a relationship with a 25-year-old woman, but he wants a divorce. To add insult to injury, he will not walk away without six of the residential properties she owns. By the way, she purchased all of them with her own money.
If your feelings were hurt by this post—tough cookie. You see, your pain is but a speck of dust in my living room, compared to this woman.
Please, stop seeking sympathy. You do not deserve it, especially not in the same ballpark as people like her.
This is my perspective, but I am interested in knowing yours. Should we give sympathy to the paramour? Should cheaters in happy relationships deserve our sympathy, or should we reserve this solely for the one betrayed?