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Inspiration is something that occurs at anytime, anyplace and from anything. On Instagram recently, I saw a photo of a female user, and this post simply developed itself. Then again, there are countless photos like hers online. In other words, this one photo is not in the minority. The photo represents countless accounts throughout social media.
As a disclaimer, this is not a post about passing judgment. Each user is free to do whatever on his or her Instagram account.
Instead, this is simply an observation of sorts, as an outsider looking in, addressing an issue that has widespread consequences.
Honestly, it is like soft-core porn. I have to repeat again, because interpretation is an interesting thing on social media, but I am not passing judgment.
When I observe these photos, I must call a spade a spade. I will explore later in this post, what guys with my old way of thinking will consider, when they come across these images.
For the time being, keep this girl in the back of your mind. With that said, this post is going to be brutally honest, so it may not be for the faint of heart.
Although I refrain from cursing, and I believe in spreading positive energy, I also promote the unfiltered truth when it involves relationships.
I feel we are so afraid of the truth today, we speak ill against those speaking the truth, and find ways to misconstrue their words.
If you are in dire need of sugarcoated responses on different topics, there are several other blogs for that. On One Gentleman’s Perspective, I refuse to sugarcoat.
I cannot speak for all good men and I cannot speak for all men who treat women poorly.
However, the males I encounter will classify women into two categories. This classification will be helpful for a number of women, especially online, in understanding some of the issues faced while dating.
To be honest, as a male, I would classify men into two categories as well. We have men worthy of your time, and men completely undeserving of your time.
This assessment is not biased—it is simply the reality. Since I am equal opportunist for discussions, the same rule must apply with women.
With that said, please remove the emotions for a bit and take a ride with me, because it may be a bumpy one. Nonetheless, the classification is simple—in one group you have what guys will consider marriage material.
What each man considers marriage material may differ, but the general concepts are similar.
A woman he views as more than a sexual release.
A woman he goes the extra mile to please, and the motive not involve an exchange of sexual favors
A woman he does not hide from his loved ones
A woman he does not feel embarrassed appearing in public with
A woman he compliments, and the compliments are not only of a physical nature
When men and the topic of women + sex enter the equation, we are quick to undermine the discussion by saying such things as:
Men feel entitled to a woman’s body
Men consider women as pieces of meat
Men cannot consider you anything, which you do not consider on your own. In other words, I could not consider my wife as easy, during the process of our courtship.
My wife did not emit this energy, so my perception would not create easy out of thin air. Instead, her energy signified the aura of a lady. Therefore, it was an innate reaction to treat her as such.
Once again, please remove the emotional reaction and the words many use to end discussions, which involves males and their preferences. The words I hear often include sexism and misogyny.
I consider such words as discussion-enders, when used inappropriately. People simply throw the words around, and instantly, it brings an end to the discussion.
If you want to understand men, you have to be willing to hear the unfiltered reality about men and dating, how they think about certain women, etc.
When you read magazines made specifically for women, providing half-truths about dating—it is unlikely that a reader will learn valuable lessons.
I may not know everything, but I promise you this…half-truths about dating will never help you, whether male or female.
With marriage material out-of-the-way, we now encounter women, which men do not consider marriage material.
What each man considers appropriate here will differ, but similar to marriage material, there are common themes you eventually notice.
Whenever he compliments her, he only addresses her physical features (derrière, breasts, etc.)
If he goes the extra mile, which is rare, he expects sexual favors in return
He limits his appearances with you in public
His loved ones are unaware of her significance in his life, if they ever hear about her at all
Her only purpose is of a sexual nature
Whenever I address topics like this, some have a difficult time accepting the perspective.
For some reason, they like to believe I am exaggerating, fabricating, narrow-minded, etc. I can only share with people what I consider the truth, based on unfiltered dialogue with other men.
When you allow a person to speak freely about a topic, it is interesting what you can learn about their genuine feelings on said issue.
I am not on social media sites, yet I know exactly the types of photographs you describe. My theory is that people are often starved for attention and are unable to unwilling to discern the consequences of broadening their general appeal with provocative photographs or entries. They are employing the scattershot effect of a lot of comments and replies, friends and followers, believing that out of the hundreds or thousands they attract surely a few really good ones will rise to the surface. And I suppose it could happen, if you are patient enough to wade through the muck to find that one who is not a player draped in nice guy trappings.
As I said last night, sometimes the most difficult relationship to have and maintain is an honest one with ourselves. If we cannot be honest with ourselves, how can we possibly hope to be truly honest with anyone else?
As for the energy, I have been with/married to my husband for a long time, so I do not feel 100% current on dating rituals and the types of energy definitions. I will say I vibe at more measured, positive scale majority of the time, whereas my husband is more reserved and neutral to the boundary of negative at first, warming and swinging back to the positive side as he grows more comfortable. When he was seeking a wife, though, he was clear about wanting a woman who glowed more brightly and was not a damsel in distress or in need of rescue. And for all my own troubling background, self-esteem, and self-confidence issues in my personal life, I have always had clear focus on acceptable, respectful behavior toward me and comported myself accordingly. I never wanted the attention from anyone who would see me as a skin suit first, a living, breathing person second.
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One Gentleman said:
Thank you for your response, because it really addresses the current state online. It’s not representative of all of course, but I could send you at least 100 accounts via Instagram, without much difficulty. When the female users notice that their favorite celebrities are doing it, they follow suit. It becomes like a cycle of sorts, because they each begin following what is the “norm” in their minds.
What I’ve noticed online is that they simply think the likes and followers determine their worth. They are absent of this understanding from within, so they seek validation elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with sharing photos. I do it on Instagram, but I, along with many others, do not seek self-worth through the things we share.
For guys with a similar thought to mine, it is practically impossible that they would ever view these images, and seek out these particular females. The likelihood is that she will only receive the attention of guys attracted to this aura, and it surely isn’t someone desiring her beyond the physical. But for some of these women, your desire for her physically, is her only way to feel valid. Quite a shame really.
As for you and your husband, you mentioned “When he was seeking a wife, though, he was clear about wanting a woman who glowed more brightly and was not a damsel in distress or in need of rescue” and “I have always had clear focus on acceptable, respectful behavior toward me and comported myself accordingly. I never wanted the attention from anyone who would see me as a skin suit first, a living, breathing person second.” That in respect is what brought you guys together. It seems like a mutual exchange in my eyes.
I agree completely. “Do you believe the energy you emit, will attract a similar energy?”
Women have been posing provocatively (with or without clothing) in magazines long before social media. Although WE may not know them, somebody does. The message they are sending is the wrong message if they want to be valued, appreciated, and respected for who they are and not for their body parts. Do these women need and want to be ogled and attract one night stands?
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One Gentleman said:
Thank you much ma’am. Far too many of these individuals are receiving inspiration from their favorite celebrities. When they see this behavior receiving positive acknowledgment, they will follow suit.
When people with a huge following receive acknowledgment for “bad” behavior, their audience will want to replicate the behavior and receive the positive acknowledgment. We are in a time where likes and followers equate to fame, and with fame, some people will do anything to receive i
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