I say things that usually go against popular belief, especially when it involves romantic relationships. However, the one thing a person cannot say is that my perspective is not genuine. If the typical explanation on these topics were so successful, would the same repetitive relationship woes continue in our lives? In my opinion, I think not. Sometimes going against the norm is a better-suited decision.
Always keep in mind, I am not an expert on your life. With that said, it is truly amazing what you can learn from people, by listening and observing. I apply both of these examples to my life, in order to make myself more aware.
It is also important to know that making your own mistakes is not always necessary, for you to learn valuable lessons. I do not know everything, but I have a hunger for knowledge. Although I am unaware of many things, I maintain a desire to learn more about myself and others.
A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether. —H. Williams
It is not up to the person you date or marry, to make sure you make the right mating selection. That comes down to you. This is a harsh reality, but a reality nonetheless.
By now, each person is aware that I believe in expressing the truth. As someone striving to live the lifestyle of a gentleman, people will have a difficult time learning anything valuable about XYZ, when we continue feeding them lies. The truth may sting a bit, but the truth is what helps us learn.
Daughter: Mom, I just broke up with Ben
Mom: What happened?
Daughter: It was all his fault
Mom: You are right. You need to find someone better
Daughter: Mom, I just broke up with Sebastian
Mom: What happened?
Daughter: It was all his fault
Mom: Wait a minute. I have been married to your father for 30 years, and any issues we had in the relationship are rarely ever just his fault. Now, don’t you run and tell your father I admitted that. As for Sebastian, what do you mean it was entirely his fault?
Daughter: He doesn’t understand how I feel.
Mom: Have you ever expressed your feelings to him?
Daughter: Well, not really. He is my boyfriend; he is supposed to know this.
Mom: Baby, as much as men think they know everything, trust me, if I weren’t for me, your dad would not know where his socks were. People cannot know how you are feeling, if you refuse to express your thoughts to them.
Men and women communicate differently, and relationships are about communication. The moment you forget this, you lose the connection. Write down all of the things, which you feel Ben should know that you failed to express verbally.
When you finish, read it over and make sure it does not sound confrontational. Give him a call and ask him to come by. You will read him everything on that paper, and eventually a dialogue begins.
Out of the two scenarios, pinpoint the daughter actually learning a valuable lesson about dating, which will help her attain a mutually successful union. Which daughter is receiving complete nonsense, through the promotion of a victim’s mentality?
In my realistic and unbiased opinion, the second mother did not allow her daughter to get away with the excuse; it was all his fault, which we hear so often.
As an experienced married woman, the mother is aware that relationships usually involve two individuals. If it fails or succeeds, both partners played a role.
When her daughter said it was Sebastian’s fault, she knew this was a faulty response. Therefore, she sought further information, until she arrived to a place where the reality of the breakup was present. She then provided an insightful response, on what her daughter should do next.
We are in a time where we view gentlemen as anomalies, when it used to be the standard behavior. We are in a time, where some consider the values of being a lady as prudish, submissive and negative.
Currently, there is a strange storm brewing, where people advocate against you having an opinion, because their opinion is more valuable than your outlook.
We are raising a generation of spineless, no accountability having, misguided and promiscuous prone individuals. I am sorry, but I refuse to believe this is beneficial for the next generation.
1I continue encountering men who use me for sex
Poor excuse: Oh, don’t worry, men are just dogs
2I keep marrying women who use me financially, and have sex with my friends
Poor excuse: Oh, don’t worry, women are just gold-diggers
3I keep making friends with people who only call when they need something
Poor excuse: Oh, don’t worry, all people are just selfish
When we continue spreading poor advice, we generate a culture of victims. In other words, we promote that everything and anything in the dating arena, is the fault of someone else. How could anyone learn in such an environment?
Whenever things went wrong in the past, regardless if it was a random encounter or girlfriend…I blamed them.
It was far easier blaming someone else, in comparison to the alternative of admitting I was the issue. The energy we emit is important, when it involves the people we attract into our lives.
In the event someone is thinking the following…
My past boyfriends would hit me for no reason at all. Are you saying that women deserve physical abuse from their partners?
I am going to have you take a seat in the section of, I did not read the post, but instead imposed my beliefs on what I think you are saying.
I am not conveying that message, nor did I actually write it. Instead, I want us to become better human resource managers, with the people we allow into our lives.
As I have mentioned before, you are the manager of your dating selection. If you continue making poor decisions, your management skills should come into question.
This is not something many relationship experts like to promote. Instead, they do the blame game routine. It sells more books, gets them onto more shows, etc. Interestingly, people continue having the same relationship woes. Shocking…not really.
There is a fine line between compassion and a victim mentality. Compassion though is a healing force and comes from a place of kindness towards yourself. Playing the victim is a toxic waste of time that not only repels other people, but also robs the victim of ever knowing true happiness. ― Bronnie Ware
When we have children, we will not feed them this victim mentality garbage. LoL. I am being completely honest. I attribute my state of mind, due to the following message from my elders…
The truth may hurt now, but you will be grateful for it tomorrow.
I changed my victim mentality, and encountered the greatest and most beautiful partner, a once broken guy could ever desire. She went from a stranger to a friend, to my best friend, fiancée and then wife. Years later, she is still my best friend.
This did not occur, because I followed some of the malarkey they promote today. This occurred because I changed issues within myself, and eventually, the energy attracted the right mate.
Accountability…think of it as the pill, which sets Neo free from The Matrix. I highly recommend others taking this pill. Hopefully, it will change your perspective.
However, this is my perspective, so I would love to know about yours. Did you discover your life changing for the better, after altering things about yourself?
Do you know others subscribing to the victim mentality? Do you think accountability is important, on one’s road to maturity?