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I am aware of people doing the strangest things, all for the purpose of keeping or attracting a mate. In this post, I will address the subject of pregnancy, with a slight spin. If the love fell apart or does not exist any longer, will a pregnancy make him love you? Therefore, this will mark the first in a series of…
Things You Should Never Do to Keep a Man or Woman
I know where the reasoning for this decision comes from. The relationship is hanging on a thread the length of my thumb, and with each argument, you believe the end is near.
Perhaps he no longer looks at you, the way he once did. While spending the day shopping, you catch his eyes staring at the derrière of women who walk by. He used to write poetry weekly, but now refuses to acknowledge your existence. I get it—it sucks.
The problem is that you still love him. You deserve better, but you still love him. Perhaps he treats you badly now, but it was not always this way.
What can I do to make him love me again? What can I do to make things go back, to the way they once were? I know…I will get pregnant. I’ll lie and tell him I’m on the pill.
Through One Gentleman’s Perspective and sanity, that is an problematic decision. At best, you will make him hate your guts and at worst, he will not want anything to do with the child.
I will not focus on the former, because every action has a reaction. You committed a deceitful act and that is your consequence.
However, the latter repercussion is important for me because everything about my perspective in some manner, relates back to the next generation.
A child does not ask to be here. In the silly games that adults play with one another, a child will always be an innocent bystander. In your pursuit to keep a man, you overlooked one important factor. What will you do if this plan somehow backfires?
What if he not only becomes upset with you, but also irrationally transfers his aggression to the child, and decides to abandon all responsibilities associated with fatherhood?
Children need their fathers. I do not care what some people are currently perpetuating, such as saying the role is no longer necessary. Children need their fathers.
All things being equal in the sperm department, all males are able to assist in the pregnancy process, but doing so does not make them great fathers.
My message of children needing their fathers is referencing the majority. The message that children need their mothers sounds normal, but for some reason, some people have trouble with the message that children need their fathers.
But I digress.
You may find several justifications for this conclusion, but in my opinion, the cons far outweigh the justifications. You cannot, and I must repeat this in bold letters, you cannot keep a man who does not desire to be there.
He may remain temporarily, but upon discovering what you have done, it will send him on an emotional roller coaster. He will become royally upset and possibly miserable.
He may even remain long term, but that is entirely because of his responsibility to the child. If you throw into the mix that he also experienced a bad relationship with his father, where he felt abandoned as a child and would rather die before following in his father’s footsteps…he will remain active in the child’s life, but hold a great disdain for you.
As mentioned in a previous blog, if you listen and pay close attention to others, you can learn a great deal through their perspective. Time and time again, men have mentioned to me…
I hate this woman. If not for the kids, I would’ve left. But you better believe I have my girlfriends on the side. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Be with someone who respects and loves you.
What is the point? You may think because he is physically present, that your pregnancy decision worked. I am here to give you a dose of reality; the likelihood of success is improbable.
A man will remain emotionally and physically faithful, not because of you, but because he chooses to. No person will love you, if that person does not want to.
In other words, no man will love you, solely because of a pregnancy. You cannot keep a man with the logic that a pregnancy will make him love you.
Bringing a child into this world is a most precious step to take. You should desire bringing forth life for reasons, unrelated to making someone love you.
Once again, many will disagree with my opinion here. How do I know this? I know from personal experience, women who actually believe this is a viable method, in making someone stay or love them.
Thankfully, I know they are not in the majority. Nonetheless, even if only 10 percent of the female population worldwide believed in this type of pregnancy, that is 10 percent too many.
Do not use children as pawns in your deceitful game. That is a tragedy in and of itself. Yes, he can use a condom. However, that is inconsequential in this particular example of lying about birth control, for the sake of keeping someone and having a baby to make the person love you.
However, this is my perspective; I am more interested in yours. Do you think you can force someone to fall in love? What are your thoughts on using pregnancy as a tool, to make someone stay or fall in love?
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Reblogged this on I G Malgwi's Blog.
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Thank you much. I appreciate that you reblogged this particular message. I think the message is necessary currently. Thank you.
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You can force a person to stay with you using various means but you cannot force them to love you. The act of force builds hatred, not love.
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You are 100 percent current. The act of force builds hatred. I can agree with this, but sadly, some people think otherwise. Thank you for this insight, because some of the things I’ve encountered over the years regarding this topic baffles me.
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Reblogged this on A glimpse at Sophia's world and commented:
A man will love you for you and not for a skimmed plan
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Thanks for reblogging. I truly appreciate the spreading of this particular post. People do the strangest things, in their pursuit to finding and keeping “love.”
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It’s absolutely amazing how some tries to manipulate in the name of love failing to understand that love is about selflessness and commitment, trust, loyalty and honesty to mention a few.
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You’re 100 percent correct, concerning love involving selflessness, trust, loyalty, etc. To instead distort what it means, by committing such a vile act, obliterates the very essence of true love.
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Yeah, that’s a really messed up notion but it does happen. I think maybe it comes down to control, and it is an attempt to regain control of a situation (the failing relationship) that is spiraling out of control in a way they don’t want.
Another danger is if the ploy backfires, not only will the father not be present but the mother could hold resentment for the child. There is this belief that parents will always love their children, and in some ways it’s true. But that doesn’t stop parents from resenting them sometimes.
It’s always unfortunate when children are used as pawns. If you want to make poor decisions and screw up your own life, go right ahead. But most people don’t realize how far reaching their own decisions are. As long as there are people in the world who care about you or depend on you, your decisions impact them. Sadly, some people have blinders on and only see the world as it impacts them.
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Usually, whenever I write about vile acts, they tend to come from personal observation, or an article I encounter online/offline. Sadly, this one is from personal observation.
I do believe it has an alliance with control. They think they can do X, in order for Y to happen. I often read stories where one parent kills/harms a child, simply to “get back” at the other and in the majority, the mum is usually the perpetrator.
This behavior is vile. It’s why I believe everyone is not deserving of being a parent, even if they are biologically capable. The horrors I read, regarding the treatment of some parents…sigh.
“There is this belief that parents will always love their children, and in some ways it’s true. But that doesn’t stop parents from resenting them sometimes.”
You are correct.
“Sadly, some people have blinders on and only see the world as it impacts them.”
Perfectly stated. This sums up all of the horror stories I read, whenever there is retaliation against the child, by one parent to cause harm to the other parent.
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I don’t think pregnancy should be the answer for anyone trying to get a guy to stay in their life.
The kids deserve what’s best for them. They deserve a fighting chance. This is why when I am ready to become a mother, I am going to make sure that everything is all set so that my child can have the best possible life he or she can possibly have.
I disagree with you that children need their fathers. Plenty of single parents (yes single mothers AND single fathers) end up being successful if they have the right mind and the right resources to overcome the obstacles.
I think that sometimes it is better if one parent gets the custody of a child. No child should have to be in the middle of a divorce, breakdown, or anything negative in their parent’s relationship, whenever possible. I was in between my parent’s separation and let me tell you, I still have emotional scars from that.
But, my dad is a good man. Whether or not my parents had stayed together, my dad would have been there for me and continued to do his best.
Children don’t need their fathers, Gentleman. Children need good fathers. Children need great fathers who are willing to stay in their lives whether or not they have a relationship with the child’s mother.
Children need great fathers who are willing to commit and treat their mother properly from the start; before anyone even thinks about pregnancy or having a child together.
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Thanks for sharing your input. The topic of fathers and children seem to always stir up debate. In fact, there are several debating shows asking this question…”Do children really need fathers?” I take issue with this, because I do not see shows asking, “Do children really need mothers?”
You’re applying semantics, by saying children don’t need their fathers, but good/great ones.
In the context of the post, I used my message to counteract this language that the role of a father is no longer relevant.
For instance, while addressing the section of fathers, you reference “good/great fathers,” but didn’t reference specifically “good/great mothers” or “great parents.”
The language today is that children need their mothers, but not fathers. This is problematic for me. You’re talking about custody, but that wasn’t part of the post.
You also pointed out that “Plenty of single parents (yes single mothers AND single fathers) end up being successful if they have the right mind and the right resources to overcome the obstacles,” but that is not in relation to the context of my words.
Morever, we cannot apply the concept that “plenty turned out well, so that is proof fathers are no longer necessary,” because that goes against statistics. Fatherless homes have long-term consequences, in the same vein as long-term effects for motherless homes.
You should see a pattern here; children need both parents, and that is speaking in the context of male/female relationships where a child is involved. I am not saying it is impossible for homosexual couples to raise a child effectively.
Please keep in mind, I did not say people are incapable of being successful without a father. I did not say there aren’t instances where relationships breakdown, and families split. I did not say an abusive father is better than no father. I simply wrote “children need their fathers.” I actually mentioned how my statement applies to the majority.
In other words, I said, “My message of children needing their fathers is referencing the majority. The message that children need their mothers sounds normal, but for some reason, some people have trouble with the message that children need their fathers.”
In that context, we do not question when someone says children need their mothers. It appears like an automatic conclusion. However, the moment we say “children need their fathers,” people begin applying different criterion. This is specifically why I added the quote above. I know how normalized the thought process has become involving fathers, and children not needing them.
I did not say children need abusive fathers, or fathers who happen to be sexual predators, in their lives. I left it simply at “fathers,” in the sane context people say “mothers.”
Read the following regarding fatherless children…
1. http://www.ancpr.com/effects_of_fatherlessness_on_chi.htm
2. http://www.fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-consequences-of-fatherlessness/
I understand what you thought I was conveying, but it’s not what I actually have in the post, in regard to children needing fathers. You have to apply context in the specific paragraph, where I address the normalcy involving children needing mothers appearing unquestionable, whereas children needing fathers is questionable.
Your response was based upon a notion that I did not write, which you concluded I did write, based on how you assessed that one paragraph involving children needing fathers.
It is perfectly fine to disageee, but this is my position when applied to the context of the section involving fathers.
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Great post mate, getting preggers only highlights the problems in a relationship, it fixes nothing, only adds stress. As for the boyfriends who look at other women while they are with you…. We need a gentlmans perspective on that one becsuse as a woman, i would love to know the thought processes behind that unattractive phenomenon. One gentlman- please enlighten us!
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Thank you much. I have about three more ideas in the vein of this concept, which I may upload. I came across a few debate/interviews regarding this subject, and it would be an understatement to say I was alarmed. When you have internal battles, you cannot fix them simply by adding an external element. Sadly, people hold onto this idea that a new child, will somehow make the other person love them. It is such a tragic situation, one where the child is an innocent victim usually.
LoL. That is funny. I actually thought about the subject a few months ago, but did sit down to write anything about it. I know it is something people think about, because a few friends have asked over the years. Now that you have brought it up, I may have to revisit the concept. I must think of an ideal approach, because I do not want the content to appear as simply regurgitation. I am happy to know you disagree with this pregnancy angle though. LoL
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