A man will cheat on his partner because the respect, which he is supposed to have, loses strength at a specific time in the presence of another woman. Why does this occur?
Bit-by-bit, his lack of self-control and a lack of concern for repercussion, eventually help in the removal of his respect. The second he waves the white flag in defeat, the only thing remaining is pure instinct. There is no empathy, no sympathy, no love—just primal instinct.
Self-control and a concern for repercussion from his partner, limits a man from committing an act, which he knows is clearly a poor decision.
That thing, which is able to stop an unemployed individual from robbing a bank, is no different from the two things, which should stop you from having sex outside of the relationship.
Morality aside, if you told the average individual that they have thirty minutes to enter and exit a bank, with as much money as they can carry in two suitcases, without any intervention from law enforcement, jail time, etc…they would do it without skipping a beat.
Self-control and understanding that there will be repercussions for your actions, will cause a person to think before making a decision. These two things will stop you from robbing a bank, because stealing from a bank usually involves death, bodily harm or imprisonment. If you remove these three variables, there would be a bank robbery every second.
When his act of indiscretion is completed, the primal instincts subside and usually, empathy, sympathy and the feelings he has for you will return.
I am not condoning, justifying or saying you should accept his infidelity. I am only showing through my perspective, one area of this equation.
For those guys who commit infidelity and come right back to you, they are able to return because they do not fear repercussion. Why is this concern absent? He does not fear repercussion because there will not be any.
In his mind, he believes you will never discover the day’s sexual tryst and if you did uncover the events, you will toss a few tantrums, throw a few wine glasses in his direction, cry for months on end…but you will do nothing to deliver true repercussion.
He will say things to numb the pain and allow you to monitor his text messages, social media accounts, etc. He will allow you to hurl insults in his direction, in order for you to externalize your anger.
In other words, your anger is short-lived. Inside, you are dying emotionally, but on the surface, he is not able to feel and/or see, your internal turmoil. This limits his empathy. Eventually, he is right back to his sexual adventures.
Sometimes he commits another infidelity, immediately after the fallout of your discovery, and other times, he returns when it seems you are back on your feet emotionally. Self-control plays a major factor, in whether a man is able to commit an act, which breaks the bond in his relationship.
I have eyes and they may not be 20/15 vision, but they are able to see the attractiveness of all women. Respect, self-control and understanding repercussion are three key differences, which separates me from countless other men, especially the ones who say I will eventually cheat on my wife.
I have immense respect for my wife and our union. I would never disrespect the journey that brought us to this point. Having eyes allows you to see attractive women everywhere. I have enough self-control, where I innately refuse acting upon this.
In other words, regardless how attractive Aishwarya Rai appears, it should never cause a man in a committed relationship, to pursue her in any way. Before I could ever cheat on my wife, I understand there is a repercussion for this infidelity. I do not fear wine glasses shattering by my head, nor is it because I fear physical retaliation.
I fear letting down my wife, because she deserves the best at all times. While courting my wife, the development of trust did not occur overnight. I consider her trust as a precious and rare gift. In fact, the trust is so incalculable, that alone impedes me from cheating.
Why do men cheat and return to their partners, as if the cheating did not occur? A man, who loses respect for you, usually does so after the removal of self-control, and all concerns regarding the repercussion for his actions.
Do not let a man believe that destroying your trust is ever acceptable behavior. You may not show him consciously, but on a subconscious level, you are allowing him to get away with murder.
A man without respect for you is far more likely to cheat, than a man who does have respect. A man, who loses self-control, has an easier time removing his concept of right or wrong, in the presence of another woman.
A man without any concern for repercussion is more likely to cheat, and return to his partner as if the deceitful act did not occur.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Reblogged this on "Dear Black Chula" … Advice on just about everything! and commented:
One more perspective
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Thank you for reading and sharing the message. Hopefully my spin on the topic is able to deliver another perspective. Thanks once again
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I think it is simpler than that. It’s the same as for women who cheat, it’s just entitlement. For some reason they feel entitled to have their cake and eat it too. It is a little bit of play-acting, a try at what would a different life have looked like (which is dumb, because of course its completely unlike what it would be like to be with the person outside the secrecy bubble). Whether it’s extra sex, additional experience, different personalities, its their opportunity to play-act at a different role. I do not feel entitled to that at my partner’s expense, but many people do. They rationalise it differently – it won’t hurt them if they don’t know, I can handle it and keep it all separate, it’s just sex or just chatting or just work or just whatever it is they fool themselves with.
For women I think the rationale is the same, but it’s much more likely to lead to the break up of the original relationship (for many reasons, some contested). So the outcome distorts our analysis of the cause. But the cause is the same. Entitlement.
No one would cheat if it was off the table completely, and they felt they were never entitled to do that no matter what the circumstances, no matter the exigencies of life, no matter what their partner did, no matter what the paramour did or they said their partner did. Whether that entitlement is a deep flaw in their character, or whether it is a cliff they fell off from the lesser, but similar, flaw of narcissism, you can’t tell until you see the remorse in word and deed. But time tells you everything.
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Thanks for providing your perspective on entitlement. I appreciate your time on the page. Entitle is to give a person a right or claim to. When I think of that, I do not consider it the root, but that is merely my perspective.
Entitlement is a concept of how they feel, so that concept must arise from someplace.
You have the right to defend yourself, if five guys were to approach you with a gun. However, the person decides against any form of retaliation. During this robbery, why does entitlement not take over for the victim?
The victim understands cause-and-effect. “If I do this, I am dead.” The victim used sound judgment, and realizes the situation is not in their favor to attack. “I can always make this money back. I can cancel my credit cards by the end of the day, go home to my family and see another day. Even if I take out three guys, the other two will react.”
In my opinion, entitlement only goes so far. It can drive you to do something, but it is not the core. There are things existing beneath one’s entitlement, which supercedes the entitlement. However, I do feel that entitlement plays a role within the hearts of some. Your perspective is not incorrect, and mine is not “correct.” They are two opinions on the matter.
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Two points. First “cheat” is not necessarily the right verb. Some men, and some women, do not see anything wrong with “getting a little on the side”. Such people do not cheat; they merely engage in extramarital sexual relations.
Second, and more important, you are absolutely wrong that “sex is one area that cannot become unexciting”. It can and it does. Men and women both desire novelty. If both partners in a marriage make a real effort to introduce novelty into their sex life on a regular basis, then that couple’s sex life will not become unexciting. Such couples are very rare. Most long attached monogamous couples will find the sex between them becoming unexciting within a few years of getting together.
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Thank you for the read and of course your response.
If couple X states they have an open relationship, where both members can do as they choose sexually and emotionally, within their relationship, the basic concept of “cheating, ” ‘infidelity” and affair does not apply. Therefore, their relationship has nothing to do with this post.
If couple Z is in a monogamous relationship, where both parties specifically expressed the exclusive nature of their union, if one goes astray, by logic, that is “cheating, ” having an “affair,” etc. Couple Z is what my post is about.
I am having difficulty with your response. This post does not cater to couples in your first paragraph (Couple X) because by logic, they verbally expressed both can do as they choose sexually/emotionally.
This is where I often say we must be careful with how we use words. It is in my opinion that sex is an area of the relationship, if you both desire a healthy sex life, it cannot become unexciting. It is not something that you should allow to become boring. I think you read my post and concluded I believe sex is always exciting in every relationship. That is not the case here. Sex is something you must do your best to keep exciting. It, in my opinion, is your responsibility.
I want you to do a poll with couples with a healthy sex life. Ask them if a healthy sex life is something they look forward to eventually becoming unexciting. I am sure you will come back with the answer that, “I cannot imagine things becoming unexiciting. I am sure it happens in some relationships, but I will do what I can, not to make it happen in ours.” I even referenced examples how to keep the fire burning.
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