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Cheating, Couples, Culture, Dating, Infidelity, Marriage, OneGentlemansPespective, Opinion, Personal, Relationships, Sex, Society, Thoughts, Women
You see, women view cheating differently from men. There are tiers for some women when it comes to cheating, which they take into consideration more than males. Emotional affairs for some women hurts more than physical ones.
There are some women with the ability to overlook physical affairs, but are incapable of second chances when it comes to emotional ones.
Although she is willing to forgive and remain in the relationship, if the affair is of a physical nature, there are restrictions to her sense of tolerance. If the other woman becomes pregnant…welcome to World War III, because in the words of Notorious B.I.G, Somebody’s Gotta Die. Lol. Not only will she not forgive him, or ever trust him again, but she will also end the relationship.
Can you rebuild trust after your partner’s affair(s)? It depends, but to summarize, it is possible.
The most significant thing you must determine is whether the relationship is worth saving. Not every person you are with is worth any extra effort. You know it and I know it. There are some relationships you know are worth fighting for, but with others, you do not have the patience.
Determine if this one fits the bill of saving. Nothing else in my opinion is far more important than this realization. If the relationship is worth salvaging, you are in for one rough ride. If the relationship is not worth saving, the pain will still hurt, but you can depart and refresh.
How do you determine if the relationship is worth salvaging?
1Do you have children together? This is the biggest factor for many couples. A woman remains after an infidelity, because the children are not of age yet, and they prefer to weather the storm for the sake of the family. The age of the children, also plays a factor in whether she will remain in the relationship, or choose to walk away. This also applies with men.
2You believe counseling will help rebuild the relationship, because you are madly in love with him still. Trying to handle an affair on your own is tough, because the basis of your actions will come from a position of immense pain. You have a difficult time removing your emotions from the trauma, which is completely normal. However, I believe a professional and disinterested third party can be helpful.
3Financially, you earn less income than he does, or you do not work at all. This factor will cause a number of women to remain in the relationship, because walking away does not appear feasible, due to the financial obligations. I have seen this in several occasions, but it seems to affect married couples far more than unmarried ones.
These three reasons will usually influence your decision, when it involves the worthiness of salvaging the relationship. If your only reason is the fear of starting over or wanting to maintain an image to your friends/family, you need to reassess your relationship far beyond his infidelity.
These two things should not motivate you to remain in a relationship. They can motivate you to remain, but in all honesty, they are poor decisions to remain with someone, especially after an affair.
Can you trust your partner after an affair? It is definitely possible, but trust takes time. You did not ship your trust to him overnight through FedEx; the process of sharing your trust took time. Sadly, he was able to break something that took a long time to create, through one selfish action.
You must understand the significance of the trust you give to someone. Trust is the most difficult thing to build with someone, and yet, it is the easiest thing to destroy. You can trust again, but you must first determine if you are capable of traveling down this long road.
You will have to deal with him receiving phone calls at night, and wondering who is on the other end. You will have to deal with him leaving for work, and wondering if he is really heading to his place of business.
You will have to deal with him hanging out with friends, and wondering if this friend is really the other woman. This is not easy, so If you are prepared to save a relationship you believe is worth a second chance, rebuilding your trust is possible.
Now, will it ever be the same again? That is an entirely different story. Will you be able to love him again? That is an entirely different story.
You have a rough road ahead, but only YOU should determine if the relationship is worth a second chance…not your sister, mother or best friend who is single, and most definitely not him.
As a gentleman, I believe in providing others second chances in life. It is possible to trust again, but only if the relationship is worth saving.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Reblogged this on "Dear Black Chula" … Advice on just about everything! and commented:
I appreciate your honesty
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Thanks again. Honesty is the best medicine for a head filled with lies. These lies allow you to enter a reality that does not exist. LoL. Hopefully my honesty will help someone
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First of all, I do believe in God, so I am speaking from my Christian perspective.
I believe the reason you are receiving so many views is because this is an age-old problem that is still relevant today and is not about to change. The Bible has many accounts of infidelity, including the “man after God’s own heart” King David. The 10 Commandments included adultery, proving that affairs are as old as mankind.
It causes heart-ache and just as you described so accurately, is a terrible thing for anyone to go through.
Can we forgive? Yes, as a Christian we are supposed to forgive if we want to be forgiven. Can we trust again? That is an individual matter. It will depend.
Just as you have written …
“It depends, but to summarize, it is possible.”
I’ll be following the series, as always, your articles are well-written and thought-provoking.
❤ carmen
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I notice far too often attacks on those who believe in God, especially from those against the idea of His existence. If you choose not to believe in God, that is your right. However, it is also the right of believers to believe. But that is for another day. LoL
You are correct. This question is one of those issues in life, which will remain today and for the rest of the time. Even if we are not directly related to infidelity, we may know of someone whose life has been influenced by the betrayal. That portion involving King David is an interesting one, because as imperfect as David was, his heart was still very much connected to God.
On a natural level, being with another person’s partner should trigger a sense of wrong in one’s mind. I cannot enter my friend’s home and take his television without his knowledge, and not feel some sort of way. The funny thing is how people get up in arms, when someone betrays their trust on simple things, but can see no wrong with infidelity. LoL. This is what I call selective outrage.Thank you for always sharing your insight. I honestly learn more, when others convey their take on things.
I am looking forward to sharing more of my perspective on this topic
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This is a ticklish subject because there is no exact answer for every relationship. All relationships are unique. I know some relationships where one partner was fully aware of the other’s indiscretions but chose to stay. I do not get the reasoning behind the decision but it is what worked for them. Cheating means there is a breach in an area of the relationship. I look forward to reading more from you. I love your take on the topic.
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You are 100 percent correct. Whether one can, or chooses to trust again is not a universal decision. One couple may have no ties and choose to separate, whereas a couple has three young children today, and feel they can work through the betrayal.
Whatever each couple decides will take on a larger decision of debate, than those on the outside looking in. We only see the betrayal, but they see the history, present and future. I will also admit though, I do react a certain way when I see women or men, remaining with people who happen to be serial cheaters. That is strange to me.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and share your perspective. I rather enjoy adding my spin on different topics, because I am sure each topic I present is discussed by countless.
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