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Why do men receive praise, yet women do not, if they both have a large number of sexual partners? I am not here to say whether one is right or wrong.
This post is not to tell you how to conduct yourself sexually, whether male or female. I am here to explain the why behind this double standard.
For this post, I want you to equate sex with the cookie analogy above.
A fairly attractive woman is an exact representation of the first scenario. Retrieving cookies from your pantry does not take much effort, similar to how it is not much of a challenge for you to have sex with a man.
You see, from the moment you are born, the opposite sex will ALWAYS do things to appease to you. It begins with your dad. He does it because you are his baby girl. As a father, whatever he has to do to please his baby girl, he will.
It then branches off into potential suitors. They do what is necessary, to be in your good favor. Some do it purely to have sex with you, and others do it to have a long-term relationship. If you think this is not how life is, you are sadly mistaken.
All things being equal, women literally control if heterosexual men, have sex or not. If women went on a sexual strike today, men would lose their minds. Sex cannot occur, until you give him permission.
The reason you do not receive accolades or praise for having sex with a number of men, is purely due to the level of control you have in whether sex occurs or not.
To remove this position, where you have sex with various men, people as a whole, will never consider this as something to praise.
There is no challenge in someone receiving these cookies. You may not like it and you can be upset until you turn blue, but it will not change the reality.
You see, from the moment boys are born, they see that men must appease to the opposite sex to gain XYZ. What is that saying again…happy wife happy life? We know from a very young age, a boy must do XYZ, in order to gain the attention of a girl.
This is not right or wrong, it simply is. In fact, this is part of being a gentleman. If we have a son, he will also learn the etiquette of courting women. If we have a daughter, she will learn the etiquette of how suitors must court her.
All things being equal, a man does not control the dynamics of sex, when it comes to heterosexual relationships. We are making this very clear, with the consent language making headlines presently.
If men went on a sexual strike today, heterosexual women would laugh. Lol. If we collectively decided to maintain abstinence until marriage, sex still will not occur without the woman’s approval.
Do you know the only way sex occurs without a woman’s permission? Rape is the only way, but right now, we are not going to address the minority.
Men, in the majority, understand sex cannot occur without her consent. The power of the P is very real. If you have a healthy sex life and you remove it for one month, a guy will have difficulty breathing. Lol.
The reason he receives accolades for having sex with a number of women, is purely due to him doing something that we consider challenging.
When people hear that a guy had casual sex with five women in two days, he is a man-whore/slut/womanizer. However, above all else, people understand the dynamics that goes into a man gaining her attention…especially a sexual one.
You see, he has to put in work to gain your cookies. On the other hand, people desire your cookies from the moment you are born, and will do anything to get them. In this example, there is no work on your end.
There is no challenge in you retrieving a particular snack from the pantry. This is a normal act. However, people would react positively, if I expressed specifically flying from London to Dubai, to acquire snacks I no longer have in my pantry.
You do not have to agree in the differences between males and females. You do not even have to agree with my analogy, in the difficulty of retrieving cookies.
However, through rational thinking and basic understanding, you should be fully aware that we react differently, after accomplishing an easy task and a difficult one.
I am not saying one is right, and I am not saying the other is wrong. I am only providing my opinion on why the double standard is present.
It is simply not the same, just as a crocodile hunting its prey, is not the same as me ordering takeout from a local restaurant. The concept of us both eating is the same, but the degree of difficulty is vastly different.
Do people really have a problem with words, or does the problem begin with their desire to do what they want, without having words with negative connotations, applied to their actions? Join me next time to find out.
…to be continued.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
This is just si true, this need to go round
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This topic always confused me, in regard to why people complicate it, as opposed to simply going to the basic of what is at hand. When we complicate things, we eventually make the answer(s) complicated. They like to believe it is based on sexism, but when you do that, you bring into the mix a heap of complicated factors. These factors then make the discussion as a whole complicated, and the answers you try to provide.
This situation of sexual promiscuity is far simpler than we make it out to be. I created this post with the hope of simplifying it. I truly hope I was successful in this goal, with each reader. My wife read it, smiled and said, “This makes perfect sense. Your analogy makes it clear. However, I don’t think people will like it. I think the only way someone will get upset is if they are promiscuous, and hate when others point it out.” Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate the read, response and the reblog. I am truly grateful.
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Well done. It’s really an interesting discussion to have, when we can step back from the emotional response. I think you presented a good argument.
A couple things occur to me, women pay a different price for promiscuity, just due to our biology. We’re more vulnerable physically and emotionally, so we carry more of the risk. Our cultural biases weren’t necessarily designed to oppress women, they were designed to protect us, biologically and emotionally
“If men went on a sexual strike today, heterosexual women would laugh”
This is true, however, we would also all go insane. Sex is actually pretty important to women’s physical and emotional health, perhaps as important as it is to men’s. We may not all be fully aware of that, and it’s not spoken of often, but it’s true.
In the context of marriage, many of those wifely headaches you hear about are not really an indicator of not needing or wanting sex, they’re more a symptom of how we are wired. LOL, naturally, some women may really simply have a headache, but I’m speaking in general here.
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Thanks. I was actually trying to sit back, reflect on the topic, pick apart the best and simplest analogy to convey the point. It was not coming from a place of judgment, but instead, it was coming from a place of bringing clarity through my perspective. The reason I enjoy reading your work is because of this. When you present your perspective on a topic, whether difficult or simplistic in nature, I get this idea that you always do so from a rational perspective. I know some of the folks on your page would say our belief in God, removes our ability to be rational, your position always remains rational in my opinion.
The most difficult, well, one of the most difficult things to do, is when you are looking to have a rational discussion with someone who only believes in arguing their emotions. Thank you sincerely for always presenting your points in the manner you do. It is always great engaging in dialogue.
Now, now…you know this goes against the current rhetoric. Lol.
“Our cultural biases weren’t necessarily designed to oppress women, they were designed to protect us, biologically and emotionally.”
People may read this and state that you are an innate misogynist. Lol. It is amazing how people cannot debate with actual dialogue, but instead latches onto phrases or a word, to silence your voice.
I definitely think males and females appreciate sex, but I used that line as sarcasm to show just how much “power” we have in that regard. Thank you very much for sharing
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Reblogged this on I G Malgwi's Blog.
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Great post Alton! 🙂
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Thank you. I had my wife read it to make sure the message was clear. She’s usually my “test dummy.” If she does not get it, I rewrite until it is clear. Lol. She loves the analogy of the cookie. In fact, she reworded one sentence to connect the concept. Thanks for stopping by and reading
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Really great posting!
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Thank you sincerely for stopping by. I appreciate when others take a moment from their day, with the intent of reading my perspective. You can never take someone’s time for granted in such a way, so thank you. I appreciate it. I wrote this post with the intent of allowing the women who believe this is based on sexism, to remove their emotions from the question and honestly reflect at what is at play. Thank you for reading and responding.
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This makes me think about a verse in Christina Aguilera’s “Can’t Hold Us Down”:
If you look back in history
It’s a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore
Obviously, that song was written with the view of causing controversy and they are very charged statements. I’m really glad you peeled this back while taking several steps back, without getting either confrontational or defensive. I can see what your wife said that people probably wouldn’t like the cookie analogy, though. It reminds me of Margaret Cho’s musical parody where she says “Everybody wants to get their hands on my cookie.”
Anyway, looking forward to reading your “to be continued” view on this topic.
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I actually had that song in mind when I wrote this. The concept always brings this topic to sexism, but that clouds the conversation. Everything between men and women is not rooted in sexism, but that is the angle we make everything. That’s sad really. That is akin to saying all issues between Blacks and Caucasians are racially based.
When I write about hot button issues like this, especially involving women, I do so with the truth in mind but not to be judgemental. Someone can perceive it as judgmental, but I cannot tell someone how to retain information. I write with a purpose in mind, but when someone reads, their perspective enters the equation and that can change the message. My wife loved the cookie analogy because she mentioned understanding the metaphor.
However, she said people would dislike the idea of seeing difficulty versus ease, involving the “cookie” and not the analogy itself. In other words, she said if people were to read this, they would hate the idea of removing sexism, and simply boiling it down to ease versus difficulty.
Thanks for reading and sharing a response. It’s always great to hear what others think about each post. It enhances my perspective.
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