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I am an equal opportunist when it involves discussions. In other words, if there is a topic to discuss about women, I will not run in the opposite direction, if I have something to share. If there is a topic to discuss about men, I will not run in the opposite direction, if I have something to share.
I recently created a post regarding men, and their misuse of the word slut. I think today’s topic relates perfectly.
All gentlemen are men, but not all men are gentlemen. Why is this distinction important for today’s topic? This will be a long post, so pull up a chair for a few minutes.
There are things that a man would do, which a gentleman refrains from. In the same token, there are things a gentleman would do, that a man rejects.
This brings us to the topic of cat-calling, which the awesome blogger Sara, inspired me to address.
What exactly is cat-calling? The original definition involves a sound or noise that someone (such as an audience member) makes toward a speaker, performer, athlete, etc., which he or she does not like.
In other words, this reminds me of a heckler.
A heckler will often shout disparaging comments at a performance or event, or to interrupt set-piece speeches, with the intent of disturbing performers and/or participants.
Imagine a press conference involving President Obama, where he is addressing climate change and a man in the audience shouts:
You don’t like Filipinos. Apple pies are not as American as key lime pies.
The statement has little to do with the press conference, and yet, the man felt the random comment was necessary. I consider these people trolls and the internet is rampant with trolls.
Over the years, cat-calling experienced an additional meaning. Today, cat-calling involves a whistle, shout, or comment of a sexual nature to a woman passing by.
Is there an epidemic of sorts, where each male in public salivates with lust, waiting patiently for their next fix to pass by to catcall?
There are particular groups passing off this assessment, but that is not the reality. I choose to refrain from exaggerating things to push an agenda, and cat-calling is no different.
In my opinion, I do not believe there is an epidemic. However, I definitely agree that cat-calling does occur. To deny this fact is an obvious fabrication.
With that said, although a number of women will refuse to admit, my eyes do not lie, but cat-calling is negative and positive. I will explain why, so please refrain from calling me a jerk.
I think each woman determines what cat-calling means to her. I know that may sound weird, but as mentioned before, observation tells no lies. LoL.
How can whistles, shouts or comments of a sexual nature to a woman passing by, convey a disgusting reaction for one woman and a smile with another?
If the cat-caller is someone that the woman considers attractive, the energy is accepted differently than if she has no interest for the man in question.
The type of woman also determines whether to embrace the catcall with open arms, react negatively or ignore the gesture entirely.
Once again, actions speak far more to me, than the words a person conveys. There are a number of people believing that all forms of cat-calling is repulsive, and degrading to women.
I will not disagree with the assessment that cat-calling is repulsive. However, you have to see it through the eyes of cat-callers. Once again, hear me out before you call me a jerk. I am definitely against this behavior, but this is not about me, this is about them.
People say one thing, but when these men have women welcoming their catcalls, it can be misleading, when they also hear from other women that the act is revolting.
If women do not stand in unison on this issue, mixed signals are what these men will experience.
Wait a minute, she entertained my catcall earlier, but another girl is online saying that she finds it repulsive.
With my own eyes, I observe women acknowledging with a smile, and eventually heading back into the direction of these cat-callers. So what is it? Is cat-calling bad or is cat-calling acceptable?
You see, it all depends. I may consider it XYZ and you may consider it XYZ, but there are a number of women who consider cat-calling ABC. In other words, not only do these women not mind, they enjoy the attention.
As mentioned before, the type of woman and the description of the cat-caller makes a difference, in how the individual will perceive cat-calling.
I see it this way, some people believe blondes do it better, whereas some guys are only attracted to brunettes. There are some women who love muscular men, but it is also clear that some women do not. Cat-calling is like all other things in life, which means it comes down to interpretation.
With my own eyes on a number of occasions, I observe a guy yelling out of his car or standing on the street…
Yo! Come here ma. Yo! I said come here.
She twirls her head in his direction, smiles and like a misguided individual, she entertains this supposed courting tactic. LoL. For those unaware, ma is a slang term for girl.
Precisely!!
I have been tossing around the idea of posting that video of the Harassment. I’m certain you know the one…10 hours in Manhattan reduced to about 45 seconds…
Personally, I found it not so much repulsive as saddening. Here is why. While I personally would not appreciate the calling out, even if – as many stated – they were “compliments” such as beautiful, many women stated that the video was exaggerated. “How else are men supposed to talk to us?” And things of that nature.
You, Sir, have hit the nail on the head, we are all different thus our perception/reception shall be different.
Thank You!!
And I shall repost 😉 IF you don’t mind.
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First, thank you much for stopping by and reading the post. I am appreciative for each person , devoting their time on the page.
A fellow blogger recommended that I address the topic, and after thinking about it, it made sense. I wanted to assess from a different angle, since I know women talk about how horrible street harassment is.
I do not believe the “Boogie Man” concept of walking down the street, is as dangerous as some women make it seem. I’m not a woman, but I have eyes. Lol. I also know A LOT of women, very attractive women at that, and their stories do not involve this “Boogie Man” theme. Yes, there are some lame men in public. However, some women like the attention from these men, some women do not, etc. I can bet you everything, if you asked an “unattractive” women, if she would trade positions with those receiving attention in public, she would do it in a heartbeat. Perception and interpretation…they are interesting things.
There are a number of articles online reporting that men are no longer men, because they refuse to approach women. Well, the propaganda of making males feel bad for everything they do caused this. If he looks at you, he is a misogynist who views women as a piece of meat. If he asks you out for coffee in the elevator, he is sexually harassing you. Some men have no idea what is appropriate any longer, as to approaching women. He is a rapist simply for asking someone out on a date.
“How else are men supposed to talk to us?”
That’s a mighty fine topic, along with the 10 minute video. I think I may do blogs for both. Lol. Thank you and you can reblog. It would be an honor.
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I am quite glad that the fellow blogger recommended you share your thoughts.
I had been debating on it for a couple of days now…I could not think of a way to Marry my views with those of some of these other individuals, many of whom are friends. You have reconciled our differences 😉
I do have to say, however, that the view you share of the dangers of walking down the street for a woman, may be due to the area and time of day. Though women do get attacked and raped midday on public campuses.
It is not dangerous 100% of the time, that much I agree with…but can it be, definitely.
We as women must be very aware of our surroundings, of how our environment “feels,” and to be quite honest it is not always easy.
We will be judged as paranoid, or perhaps we just don’t trust ourselves.
But I digress…
It is quite difficult for men to approach women in a Random, Spontaneous sort of way. One no longer knows what is acceptable and what is not. And funny enough it works both ways 😉
We women are split on many subjects, from harassment, as you obviously can see, to femininity.
It does ultimately lie on the individual, their families of origin, environment, beliefs, etc.
Not easy times, huh 😉
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It’s funny because I never thought about addressing the topic until she referenced it. Street harassment does occur. Some instances of street encounters are exaggerations (He asked me for coffee and I felt raped), but there are most definitely legitimate ones (being raped twice in broad daylight). I could never undermine the reality.
I wanted to show, when you exaggerate a claim, it undermines the real incidents. Asking someome out for coffee respectively is not rape. Being raped a second time in public, blocks away from the initial incident, by a man you ran to for help…that is rape. Right now, the story I read online shows that we are blurring the lines a bit, on what is real street harassment and what is not.
I think we enter tricky and misrepresented territory, when we cry wolf. For instance, “A neighbor refuses to be a client because I am Black. It is obvious he is a racist.” That’s crying wolf. The reality is that they are completely unaware of my line of business. That’s the reality.
Men overwhelmingly, are more unsafe than women in public. That is a statistical fact proven countless times. However, the story you hear in the media says women must fear the Boogie Man. This is fear mongering. Men are robbed, assaulted and killed in public, far more than females. Sadly, that is not the story they preach. It is incredibly misleading
We are in an interesting time. Lol. Boys know nothing of being men. Girls think being highly sexual = liberation. Lol. It’s an interesting time indeed.
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Indeed!!
Thank you again for your thoughts, your words, and above all, for sharing them!!
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When I used to work in the downtown section of my city, there was a building under construction between my office building and the parking lot I could afford. Any woman with the misfortune to be walking by during the break periods was subjected to catcalls from the workers. It was unnerving and upsetting for me, but I ignored it and reminded myself the parking lot was cheap and saving money was worth enduring a couple of minutes of idiocy.
One Monday morning I was having a particularly bad start – new separated and on my way to divorce, managing young children completely on my own, financial stresses, etc. – and I burst into tears when they started catcalling at me. I was mortified and even more humiliated and practically ran the block to get away from them.
There was silence the next few days I walked by. On Thursday the crew foreman stopped me and apologized for the crew’s behavior, saying they meant no harm and apologized for making me cry. I thanked him for his consideration. I still heard them catcalling others from time to time, but other than an occasional “good morning beautiful” greeting I was never bothered by that crew again.
I do believe they meant me no harm. But as you so accurately point out, how such behavior is received varies from woman to woman. I think it’s rude and inconsiderate behavior, and I would be certain I have failed as a parent if my son were to ever exhibit such behavior. But that’s simply my opinion and perception.
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Thank you for stopping by Janelle. I appreciate the time you took to read this piece, but also grateful for your perspective on the question. Thank you.
I often hear about catcalling occurring whenever a woman encounters construction workers. It seems to be a common theme actually. I can understand the “why.” They are often outside and handling work, which leaves them in close proximity to women passing by.
This is what I am referring to about subjective. Sometimes, it only takes a reaction to make someone aware that the message they are sharing, is inappropriate, for them to stop. I am not saying this works in all instances, but it can. Though you did not verbally express how catcalling made you feel, running away in tears made them become aware. This is simply what I want women to understand. Communication is important.
Are there guys simply unable to care, even when you verbally convey your reaction/thoughts on the matter? Of course. However, remaining silent will not allow you to find out which type of man you are dealing with. This same rule applies to everything in life. If you do not tell your mother you hate eating chicken every night, how would she know you have a problem eating chicken every night?
Sometimes I read blogs and the women complain about men in all facets. I continue to read to find an exchange of dialogue with the man in question, but there is no information about dialogue. I then inquire about the communication and it is always the same—there was no communication about it, but he should know. LoL. Really?
I personally do not holler at women (when I was single), grab their arms, slap their butt to gain their attention, etc. These behaviors are unbecoming of a gentleman. I agree 100 percent with you. I always apply the test with people, guys in particular, when it involves their treatment of all women. If I do the same to your sister, would you consider it offensive, rude, etc? The likelihood is that they will. Therefore, you know well enough, right from wrong behavior. I too would feel I failed the entire gentleman’s lifestyle, if we had a son and he approached women this way. LoL
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oh how strange I just did a post discussing whether cat calls are street sexual harassment or compliments, then I stumbled across this. Interesting read for sure and valid points indeed especially when you mention if a woman finds the cat-caller attractive then yes there is a less irritated reaction and a more flattered one.
However, for me who has experienced cat-calls myself and other women like myself who have too, it really doesn’t matter if hes good looking or not, cat-calling behavior I find it to be disrespectful. But of course its all about perception and what is acceptable and not and if not then why. Maybe men find this mannerism acceptable because the women do positively react back, but I guess women behaving like lap dogs is okay or not is a whole other discussion.
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Thanks for stumbling upon this post. LoL. Interpretation is incredibly important in life. What she considers inviting, another woman will find insulting. What he considers sexy attire, another man will consider normal attire. Each person’s opinion on street harassment and catcalling can differ.
I bring up celebrity males, because I know for a fact, there are women who refuse to have sexual relations with a guy on the first date, but have no gripes if that man were let’s say, their favorite male celebrity.
This is how I arrived to the question: does it matter the type of guy who catcalls? Clearly, this is not indicative for all women, but the reality is that there are things a woman would do for/with one man, which she will not for another. The same rules apply with men.
Like you have mentioned, “But of course its all about perception and what is acceptable and not and if not then why.”
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this is hilarious!
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HILARIOUS…
“Hey baby you hear me, you hear me? Yeah, because you’re a good listener.”
“ummmmmmm…you look so emotionally stable.”
(Head outside car window) “I bet you would treat me with respect.”
(Pulls down shades) “Ooh darling, you look monogamous.”
So many gems in this video
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That’s what they call “the flip side”…my husband and I had a good laugh.
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I can see where you are coming from, there are many women who will take cat-calling from someone they think is attractive as flattering.
I, on the other hand, feel less safe when a man cat-calls me, no matter if he is the hottest guy around or the ugliest man I have ever seen.
I don’t find it flattering one bit. The guy is an absolute stranger and here I am enjoying my day and I feel so gross when that happens.
Do guys think we like to go to the grocery store or walk down the street and have them holler at us? In my opinion, they would be severely mistaken. I work hard and don’t want to be bothered. You want to talk to me? You’ve already lost your chance as soon as you made the decision to be so damn creepy and roll down the window just so you could get my attention.
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Thanks for stopping by again. Catcalling is such an interesting topic to dissect. On one hand, Samantha would find “hey beautiful” a good conversation starter. However, to Pamela, “hey beautiful” comes across as lame and offensive.
I have approached women in public often; when I was single that is—library, mall, park, etc. The difference with me was the approach. There is no shouting or touching anyone. There are no one-liners, etc. These guys are simply saying things that make little sense.
Another thing these guys fail to understand is paying attention to one’s surroundings. In other words, depending on where you are, the approach can come across strange where she goes on defense, believing you are trying to attack her. You have to be mindful of the setting and the delivery. If we have a son, he will understand how to make the approach. Thanks again for your input
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http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/war_zone
Just found this. Thought you might find it interesting 😉
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Thank you. I’ll give this a look with my wife. I appreciate you taking the time to find, and then share the link.
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My Pleasure! When I saw this, immediately thought of you 🙂
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Reblogged this on Down Home Thoughts and commented:
An excellent article worth your time whether maie or female
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