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If we had a daughter and she ever acknowledges this nonsensical attempt at courting, I would disown her. I would pack her bags, give her a bus ticket and disown her on the spot. I am kidding, but come on. What type of courting language is that? Is he calling his dog?
As mentioned before, it all comes back to the type of girl, and if the cat-caller is enticing to her. With this out of the way, I will share my take on the entire ordeal of cat-calling.
Gentlemen do not catcall. It is that simple. I do not know if it is due to my maturity, but there are things from my youth involving women, which I once considered acceptable.
However, at this point in my life, I feel weird. You would imagine I was an older gentleman, but I am a young guy.
My thought process when it involves women is vastly different, from when I was a teenager. Is it because I am now a married man?
Perhaps it is directly related to my journey on a gentleman’s lifestyle. Whatever the reason, certain things are simply unacceptable as a gentleman.
Cat-calling happens to be part of this unacceptable list. As a gentleman, I understand what it means to respect one’s personal space.
It is intrusive to grab her arm as she walks by, as a means of gaining her attention. Slapping her derrière is intrusive, because it is a complete invasion of her personal space.
To a gentleman, the way that potential suitors must treat his daughter, is the same manner he would treat women he pursues.
To holler, Come here sexy from one’s car, does not fall under the guidelines of this treatment. Shouting Yo ma to an attractive woman on the street, is completely opposite of a gentleman’s treatment.
The men who behave this way know right from wrong, in a general sense of course. How do I know this? Well, do the same to their sister or mother, and watch the reaction.
The words they once considered flirtatious are now offensive, ignorant and overstepping boundaries. Why do they conduct behavior they understand is inappropriate? I have a simple answer and it may surprise many.
They do not care. LoL. I am being completely honest. They do not care. They catcall because they actually think it is enticing for you, and even when you let them know you find the cat-calling rude, they are shocked.
They are shocked that women find these romantic gestures offensive. In his mind, the words should make you feel good. I see it often actually.
Guy: Yo sexy. What’s your name? Yo! Yo! Sexy, come here.
Girl: (Turns into his direction) That is a disgusting way to approach me (Turns to walk away)
Guy: Are you serious? I just wanted to let you know you look sexy today. You don’t have to act like a b**** about it. Whatever, you are not that hot anyway. Get out of here you stupid b****.
You see, in his warped reality, you should consider his means of gaining your attention as a compliment. I will repeat, nothing you or any campaign will do, can cause an adult male with this understanding to change. Everything begins from a young age.
Young boys must learn from a young age, how a gentleman must act in the presence of a woman, which he finds interesting. You will never change an adult male stuck in his ways, when it involves the treatment of women, until he is ready to change.
This is akin to changing the mindset of gold-digging women, who are seasoned in their ways of using men for financial means. You cannot change their way of thinking, until they decide to change.
This explanation may come across as if I am condoning the behavior, but this is the reality. Generally speaking of course, but a cat-caller is aware that cat-calling is wrong.
This assessment is not an excuse that boys will be boys, or any of that gibberish. The issue of correction comes down to the individual; whether male, female, old or young. People know right from wrong, and yet, they continue the behavior nonetheless.
You are able to correct behavior when it involves children. However, when it involves adults, it is not so black and white. Until they are willing to change, the behavior will remain the same.
Cat-calling is lame, because it lacks the skill of actual dialogue. I enjoy the usage of words, therefore, shouting random phrases to women seems weird. This is my perspective, but I am interested in hearing yours.
What are your experiences with cat-calling? Does it depend on the type of guy and/or setting? In other words, do you specifically feel cat-calling is ever acceptable?
If your favorite actor/entertainer cat-called, would you respond differently, in comparison to a non-celebrity cat-caller? As a guy, do you catcall? As a woman, do you catcall?
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Precisely!!
I have been tossing around the idea of posting that video of the Harassment. I’m certain you know the one…10 hours in Manhattan reduced to about 45 seconds…
Personally, I found it not so much repulsive as saddening. Here is why. While I personally would not appreciate the calling out, even if – as many stated – they were “compliments” such as beautiful, many women stated that the video was exaggerated. “How else are men supposed to talk to us?” And things of that nature.
You, Sir, have hit the nail on the head, we are all different thus our perception/reception shall be different.
Thank You!!
And I shall repost 😉 IF you don’t mind.
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First, thank you much for stopping by and reading the post. I am appreciative for each person , devoting their time on the page.
A fellow blogger recommended that I address the topic, and after thinking about it, it made sense. I wanted to assess from a different angle, since I know women talk about how horrible street harassment is.
I do not believe the “Boogie Man” concept of walking down the street, is as dangerous as some women make it seem. I’m not a woman, but I have eyes. Lol. I also know A LOT of women, very attractive women at that, and their stories do not involve this “Boogie Man” theme. Yes, there are some lame men in public. However, some women like the attention from these men, some women do not, etc. I can bet you everything, if you asked an “unattractive” women, if she would trade positions with those receiving attention in public, she would do it in a heartbeat. Perception and interpretation…they are interesting things.
There are a number of articles online reporting that men are no longer men, because they refuse to approach women. Well, the propaganda of making males feel bad for everything they do caused this. If he looks at you, he is a misogynist who views women as a piece of meat. If he asks you out for coffee in the elevator, he is sexually harassing you. Some men have no idea what is appropriate any longer, as to approaching women. He is a rapist simply for asking someone out on a date.
“How else are men supposed to talk to us?”
That’s a mighty fine topic, along with the 10 minute video. I think I may do blogs for both. Lol. Thank you and you can reblog. It would be an honor.
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I am quite glad that the fellow blogger recommended you share your thoughts.
I had been debating on it for a couple of days now…I could not think of a way to Marry my views with those of some of these other individuals, many of whom are friends. You have reconciled our differences 😉
I do have to say, however, that the view you share of the dangers of walking down the street for a woman, may be due to the area and time of day. Though women do get attacked and raped midday on public campuses.
It is not dangerous 100% of the time, that much I agree with…but can it be, definitely.
We as women must be very aware of our surroundings, of how our environment “feels,” and to be quite honest it is not always easy.
We will be judged as paranoid, or perhaps we just don’t trust ourselves.
But I digress…
It is quite difficult for men to approach women in a Random, Spontaneous sort of way. One no longer knows what is acceptable and what is not. And funny enough it works both ways 😉
We women are split on many subjects, from harassment, as you obviously can see, to femininity.
It does ultimately lie on the individual, their families of origin, environment, beliefs, etc.
Not easy times, huh 😉
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It’s funny because I never thought about addressing the topic until she referenced it. Street harassment does occur. Some instances of street encounters are exaggerations (He asked me for coffee and I felt raped), but there are most definitely legitimate ones (being raped twice in broad daylight). I could never undermine the reality.
I wanted to show, when you exaggerate a claim, it undermines the real incidents. Asking someome out for coffee respectively is not rape. Being raped a second time in public, blocks away from the initial incident, by a man you ran to for help…that is rape. Right now, the story I read online shows that we are blurring the lines a bit, on what is real street harassment and what is not.
I think we enter tricky and misrepresented territory, when we cry wolf. For instance, “A neighbor refuses to be a client because I am Black. It is obvious he is a racist.” That’s crying wolf. The reality is that they are completely unaware of my line of business. That’s the reality.
Men overwhelmingly, are more unsafe than women in public. That is a statistical fact proven countless times. However, the story you hear in the media says women must fear the Boogie Man. This is fear mongering. Men are robbed, assaulted and killed in public, far more than females. Sadly, that is not the story they preach. It is incredibly misleading
We are in an interesting time. Lol. Boys know nothing of being men. Girls think being highly sexual = liberation. Lol. It’s an interesting time indeed.
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Indeed!!
Thank you again for your thoughts, your words, and above all, for sharing them!!
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When I used to work in the downtown section of my city, there was a building under construction between my office building and the parking lot I could afford. Any woman with the misfortune to be walking by during the break periods was subjected to catcalls from the workers. It was unnerving and upsetting for me, but I ignored it and reminded myself the parking lot was cheap and saving money was worth enduring a couple of minutes of idiocy.
One Monday morning I was having a particularly bad start – new separated and on my way to divorce, managing young children completely on my own, financial stresses, etc. – and I burst into tears when they started catcalling at me. I was mortified and even more humiliated and practically ran the block to get away from them.
There was silence the next few days I walked by. On Thursday the crew foreman stopped me and apologized for the crew’s behavior, saying they meant no harm and apologized for making me cry. I thanked him for his consideration. I still heard them catcalling others from time to time, but other than an occasional “good morning beautiful” greeting I was never bothered by that crew again.
I do believe they meant me no harm. But as you so accurately point out, how such behavior is received varies from woman to woman. I think it’s rude and inconsiderate behavior, and I would be certain I have failed as a parent if my son were to ever exhibit such behavior. But that’s simply my opinion and perception.
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Thank you for stopping by Janelle. I appreciate the time you took to read this piece, but also grateful for your perspective on the question. Thank you.
I often hear about catcalling occurring whenever a woman encounters construction workers. It seems to be a common theme actually. I can understand the “why.” They are often outside and handling work, which leaves them in close proximity to women passing by.
This is what I am referring to about subjective. Sometimes, it only takes a reaction to make someone aware that the message they are sharing, is inappropriate, for them to stop. I am not saying this works in all instances, but it can. Though you did not verbally express how catcalling made you feel, running away in tears made them become aware. This is simply what I want women to understand. Communication is important.
Are there guys simply unable to care, even when you verbally convey your reaction/thoughts on the matter? Of course. However, remaining silent will not allow you to find out which type of man you are dealing with. This same rule applies to everything in life. If you do not tell your mother you hate eating chicken every night, how would she know you have a problem eating chicken every night?
Sometimes I read blogs and the women complain about men in all facets. I continue to read to find an exchange of dialogue with the man in question, but there is no information about dialogue. I then inquire about the communication and it is always the same—there was no communication about it, but he should know. LoL. Really?
I personally do not holler at women (when I was single), grab their arms, slap their butt to gain their attention, etc. These behaviors are unbecoming of a gentleman. I agree 100 percent with you. I always apply the test with people, guys in particular, when it involves their treatment of all women. If I do the same to your sister, would you consider it offensive, rude, etc? The likelihood is that they will. Therefore, you know well enough, right from wrong behavior. I too would feel I failed the entire gentleman’s lifestyle, if we had a son and he approached women this way. LoL
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oh how strange I just did a post discussing whether cat calls are street sexual harassment or compliments, then I stumbled across this. Interesting read for sure and valid points indeed especially when you mention if a woman finds the cat-caller attractive then yes there is a less irritated reaction and a more flattered one.
However, for me who has experienced cat-calls myself and other women like myself who have too, it really doesn’t matter if hes good looking or not, cat-calling behavior I find it to be disrespectful. But of course its all about perception and what is acceptable and not and if not then why. Maybe men find this mannerism acceptable because the women do positively react back, but I guess women behaving like lap dogs is okay or not is a whole other discussion.
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Thanks for stumbling upon this post. LoL. Interpretation is incredibly important in life. What she considers inviting, another woman will find insulting. What he considers sexy attire, another man will consider normal attire. Each person’s opinion on street harassment and catcalling can differ.
I bring up celebrity males, because I know for a fact, there are women who refuse to have sexual relations with a guy on the first date, but have no gripes if that man were let’s say, their favorite male celebrity.
This is how I arrived to the question: does it matter the type of guy who catcalls? Clearly, this is not indicative for all women, but the reality is that there are things a woman would do for/with one man, which she will not for another. The same rules apply with men.
Like you have mentioned, “But of course its all about perception and what is acceptable and not and if not then why.”
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this is hilarious!
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HILARIOUS…
“Hey baby you hear me, you hear me? Yeah, because you’re a good listener.”
“ummmmmmm…you look so emotionally stable.”
(Head outside car window) “I bet you would treat me with respect.”
(Pulls down shades) “Ooh darling, you look monogamous.”
So many gems in this video
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That’s what they call “the flip side”…my husband and I had a good laugh.
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I can see where you are coming from, there are many women who will take cat-calling from someone they think is attractive as flattering.
I, on the other hand, feel less safe when a man cat-calls me, no matter if he is the hottest guy around or the ugliest man I have ever seen.
I don’t find it flattering one bit. The guy is an absolute stranger and here I am enjoying my day and I feel so gross when that happens.
Do guys think we like to go to the grocery store or walk down the street and have them holler at us? In my opinion, they would be severely mistaken. I work hard and don’t want to be bothered. You want to talk to me? You’ve already lost your chance as soon as you made the decision to be so damn creepy and roll down the window just so you could get my attention.
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Thanks for stopping by again. Catcalling is such an interesting topic to dissect. On one hand, Samantha would find “hey beautiful” a good conversation starter. However, to Pamela, “hey beautiful” comes across as lame and offensive.
I have approached women in public often; when I was single that is—library, mall, park, etc. The difference with me was the approach. There is no shouting or touching anyone. There are no one-liners, etc. These guys are simply saying things that make little sense.
Another thing these guys fail to understand is paying attention to one’s surroundings. In other words, depending on where you are, the approach can come across strange where she goes on defense, believing you are trying to attack her. You have to be mindful of the setting and the delivery. If we have a son, he will understand how to make the approach. Thanks again for your input
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http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/war_zone
Just found this. Thought you might find it interesting 😉
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Thank you. I’ll give this a look with my wife. I appreciate you taking the time to find, and then share the link.
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My Pleasure! When I saw this, immediately thought of you 🙂
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Reblogged this on Down Home Thoughts and commented:
An excellent article worth your time whether maie or female
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