Tags
Catcalling, Culture, Dating, Men, OneGentlemansPerspective, Opinion, Personal, Relationships, Sex, Social Media, Society, Street Harassment, Thoughts, Women
I am sure someone will say…
Why does she have to speak to someone, if she does not want to?
You are correct. She has the freedom to walk the street, without talking to anyone.
Here is the thing, until my wife expressed to me that she prefers remaining on one island during a cruise, as opposed to island hopping, I would continue booking cruises where the trip is consisted of island hopping.
What is the point? Until you express to me your point of view on something, it is difficult to know your specific point of view on said subject.
When she created this social experiment and decided to remain silent in the video, she omitted usage of actual definitions. These men do not know her, and are completely unaware of her history.
Remember, feelings are absent for the time being. My feelings on the subject are irrelevant. I am not siding with them or condoning the behavior. I wish to view this topic by applying proper usage of words, and their definitions.
She walked in silence for 10 hours. By the definitions of annoying and harassment, how should these strangers know hi sweetie, good morning beautiful, have a nice evening beautiful, smile, and how are you this morning, are forms of harassment to her, when we consider the keyword annoying?
She did not speak and express to them, that their method of communication were both annoying and harassing in nature.
I am going to interject my feelings here so you can as well. The two guys who walked alongside her—they are the epitome of what I consider thirsty, which refers to someone too eager to get something (acknowledgement from someone), or simply desperate.
There is a fine line between a woman playing hard-to-get, and a woman completely ignoring you. This woman was clearly doing the latter. I highly recommend against any man behaving in this manner, because it screams desperation. If you desire romance from a woman, desperation will rarely help.
Why in the world would you walk alongside her, after her initial silence for five minutes? The guy was clearly waiting for her to speak, because he glanced in her direction several times, along this silent journey.
Thirsty Guy 1: You don’t wanna talk? Because I’m ugly? We can’t be friends, nothing? You don’t speak? If I give you my number, would you talk to me?
When you are thirsty, you will misrepresent someone ignoring you, with someone simply playing hard-to-get. However, when you lack this thirst, you are well aware how to differentiate between the two.
Words have meaning. I believe that wholeheartedly. The problem that I have with the usage of words, begins when people misuse them.
1Even with consent, it is still rape.
You see, to this person, words have no meaning. We can simply say that the word heart, will now mean the liver, and the word liver is now changed to esophagus. To this person— the heck with words. They will simply make up things as they go, all to suit their feelings.
2A woman is sitting inside a restaurant, having dinner by herself. A guy also having dinner by himself at the table nearby turns, and inquires about her meal. The idea is to spark conversation, between two individuals having dinner by themselves. She ignores him, retrieves her phone and sends out a tweet. Ugh! This pervert has the nerve to harass me in public.
You see, to this person, definitions change like the wind. She completely undermines that he approached her in an appropriate manner, but she also ignores him entirely.
It is one thing if she replied, I actually want to be left alone right now, and he persisted. His persistence can lead to harassment. It is one thing if he outright turned, and licked her toes. This is indicative of a pervert harassing someone.
Feelings aside, the problem I have with the video is the agenda it is pushing, in the face of street harassment. When we blur the meanings of words and refuse to take heed to actual definitions, something and nothing will mean the same.
1Kevin politely asked Beth, out on a date
Yup, that is rape
2After telling her boyfriend repeatedly for three minutes to stop, Bob forced her to perform oral sex on him
Yup, that is rape as well
3Kevin gives Craig $5K with no strings attached, due to Ben’s increasing hospital bills
Ben most certainly stole the $5K from Craig
4Timothy broke into his neighbor’s house and stole $1M worth of jewelry
Yup, that is also theft
When we fail to be mindful of our usage of words, things that actually represent the definition, begin to lose their significance. The actions in scenario 2 + 4, are used correctly. The other two, not so much.
If I were an actual victim of rape, the woman inside the restaurant applying rape to her situation, would anger me immensely. If I were an actual victim of theft, the idea that Craig giving Ben $5K represents theft, would anger me greatly.
Was she harassed in the video? That answer is for another day, because she did not reference what she considers annoying or harassment to these men. Remember, catcalling and harassment—these things are subjective.
Today, we are changing words and constructing policies, based entirely on feelings. I would be more inclined to embrace the video, if she was clear on the language she considers appropriate, when men engage her.
Right now, I only see an agenda. Words have meaning to me, but lately, people are misusing words left and right, all to suit their feelings.
Nevertheless, this is my perspective; I am interested in hearing yours. Do you think it is necessary to outline to people approaching you in public, what you consider harassment and inappropriate?
Do you think her silence makes a difference, when we understand the actual definition of harassment and annoying? What are your thoughts on people using words in one situation, and then misusing the words in another unrelated situation?
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Your post is an interesting perspective. I don’ think its realistic for a woman to walk around all day and have to tell every man that says something that his comments make her uncomfortable or to have to point out that she deems it harassment. Normal, social unspoken rules are usually quite clear- just because you think it doesn’t mean you have to say it and in general the street is not a place for that type of socialising. Otherwise we would be hearing a constant litany of comments about ourselves everywhere we go by everyone around us. In regards to meeting a woman, there are places where this is socially acceptable such as a club or bar where if a woman is there, she is obviously expecting one or various men to approach her and is fine with that. Whether you are a woman who is fine with it or not, there is a time, a place and a reason for this type of interaction, a woman on her way somewhere who is obviously concentrating on getting there is not the one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing a response, and your time. When I created this post, it was not to tell a woman specifically, that she must engage with each guy she encounters on the street. If she so desires, she can. However, I did not advice that.
I don’t think it is realistic that a woman should make a video, with the intent of looking for something, getting it and then using it to push an agenda online. I don’t think it is realistic to set out on a social experiment, where the foundation is of a subjective nature, remove all forms of communication from those they encounter, upload a video and then say these men harassed her.
That is akin to me setting out to prove that there is an epidemic of people who consume meat, in the presence of vegans, with no concern for their feelings on the consumption of animal products.
In this video, I walk through my city and pass by people consuming an animal-based product. The premise is that they should be fully aware the sight of animal consumption is offensive, to the person next to them, who may happen to be a vegan.
After 10 hours, I acknowledged witnessing 300 individuals consuming an animal-based product, in the presence of someone not eating meat. Therefore, meat-eaters have no concern for vegans, and people advocating for less consumption of animal products.
I am not saying this is on par with street harassment, which women can encounter. I know it can get really brutal. Instead, I am addressing the faulty premise throughout the video, and my experiment.
What one person considers the norm, is abnormal to the other. It is normal for me to watch movies on our surround sound system at home, as if I am at the movie theater. My wife on the other hand does not. She thinks it’s over-the-top, so I take into consideration her point of view, which she expressed. I then turn it down.
Each of my female friends, detest guys approaching them in the club while out with friends. My wife says when she was single, her and all her friends hated when guys approached them in clubs. These things are subjective. What is normal for one, is not to someone else.
If men embraced this idea that they should not engage women on the street, and I say engage, not catcall, quite a bit of relationships would not exist. It is unrealistic to say a man should never approach a woman on the street, but only in places like bars or clubs.
When I observe these topics, I try to remove my feelings and approach from a critical thinking angle. When you observe the video that way, several things do not add up.
LikeLike
I was rather impressed that she had to spend 10 hours in a busy urban area just to collect 4 minutes of so called harassment! It’s a bit funny, but there is something encouraging about that. Where else in the world can a woman wander around alone for ten hours purposely looking for trouble, and the worse she has to deal with is a few catcalls?
It is also a bit sad that our biggest fear pop culture fear right now is having to interact with the other humans. I realize some of them are crude and rude and socially unacceptable, but they are still just people trying to make a connection with us. These women don’t understand, but it’s not harassment that really hurts people, but rather feeling invisible. We’re social creatures and when you talk to the homeless or the elderly or the disabled, it’s those feelings of invisibility that are the most painful for them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for reading this long post. I appreciate you taking the time to do so. You grasped exactly where I was coming from, which you seem to do often. My wife says this also. Lol. “She always seems to understand where you are coming from.” She has not read any of the comments for this post yet, so I’ll see what she thinks later when I return home.
In no way was I undermining issues women face in public from males. Instead, I expressed how she set out on a faulty experiment, uploaded and said “these men harassed me, see, I told you.”
It was done poorly, in my opinion. That is my only gripe. Street harassment is real. I cannot deny this. However, this video was incredibly faulty. My wife watched it and reacted similar to how I did.
The guys walking by her for minutes–creepy as heck. The comments from other guys were a mixture of “good morning” to comments that a gent would never say. Walking by a woman and saying, “Damn” so loudly. Really? That’s just lame.
“It is also a bit sad that our biggest fear pop culture fear right now is having to interact with the other humans.”
You get it. You get it perfectly.
“These women don’t understand, but it’s not harassment that really hurts people, but rather feeling invisible.”
Once again, you get it. You and Christina Sommers would make a great team. I genuinely enjoy listening to women analyze a situation in the manner you both do.
Reverse things a bit–there are women whom never receive a glance/encounter with men. They would give anything to be in her shoes. This is why I continue bringing up subjective.
She’s going to reach an age where she will wish for days, where she was receiving “unwanted attention.” That was a comment from an older female, which I read yesterday. Basically, she referenced missing the days guys looked at her this way. Subjective.
LikeLike
I have a question…what is the inspiration behind your writing?
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a good question. Lol. My wife felt I had something to say, because when I “try” to dissect topics, I do so by removing my feelings (unless I infuse my feelings on the matter). I try to explain in a manner where I am on the outside looking in. In other words, I dissect the topic on an objective manner. I see feelings are taking over critical thinking, and that is no good. Feelings are fine, but they should not lead a discussion. This is how you cloud whatever you are trying to convey.
That is when it involves “hot-button” issues. When it involves topics that can influence young boys, girls and even those much older, I am giving my perspective. The purpose is to provide an angle they may not have analyzed before. I learn from everyone and everything. I believe when you know something, you should share it. Information is important, but only when you can share it to help others.
All the info in the world means nothing, if you do not share it. My way of thinking is not “right” or “wrong.” However, my wife believes the perspective has a purpose, besides remaining in my head. Lol. Whether that involves relationships, becoming a gentleman, finance, clothing, etc.
She likes our discussions on everything, and felt I should expand these discussions. This blog was her idea. All of it. I owe her for pushing me to write.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a good wife…Keep her and treat her well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You state is clearly that words have power, and I completely agree. Words like “rape” and “harassment” incendiary terms; used excessively in an inappropriate context waters them down significantly, to the point where actual rape and actual harassment can be missed or dismissed too easily or lightly. “Bullying” is another term thrown about far too often. Anymore, having a difference of opinion in the work place may be escalated into an HR issue of bullying, harassment, hostile environments. It’s insane.
I am all in favor of not being annoyed or bothered by a stranger when I am minding my own business. In the areas where I live, work, shop, and hang out, exchanging pleasantries with passing strangers of both genders is considered normal, friendly behavior. It is very sad that this clip brands it harassment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
First, I want to thank you for taking the time to read such a long post. I am grateful for the time you guys took out of your day. Thank you for understanding where I was going with the post as well. I did not say a woman should talk to every man she encounters on the street, to detail her definition of harassment or annoying. I did not say a woman cannot remain silent as she walks about her day. I expressed her method of this social experiment was faulty, misleading and created with an agenda.
The entire premise of her video was faulty.
“Words like “rape” and “harassment” incendiary terms; used excessively in an inappropriate context waters them down significantly, to the point where actual rape and actual harassment can be missed or dismissed too easily or lightly. “Bullying” is another term thrown about far too often.”
This concept is the idea behind my post. Words are incredibly important, and the way we use them. Sadly, many simply think their feelings outweigh critical thinking. Lol.
“Anymore, having a difference of opinion in the work place may be escalated into an HR issue of bullying, harassment, hostile environments.”
You are correct again. Something and nothing, are now the same. I blame once again, the misuse of words and their actual definitions. Thanks for understanding the message in the post.
LikeLiked by 1 person