My relationship is still in its infancy. In comparison, my wife’s grandmother or lola, if we go by her language, celebrated her 50th wedding anniversary. Sadly, my wife’s grandfather, known in her language as lolo, passed away shortly after the anniversary celebration.
However, people still consider my relationship different, due to our young age and the perceptions they generally have for younger couples, and of course the interracial status.
According to the people I encounter, whenever I answer questions about my wife, my face lights up. It does not occur with intent, because it is a natural occurrence.
Whenever you ask questions about her, a ray of positive energy rises to the surface and escapes through my facial reaction.
I am genuinely in love, and blessed to have her as my best friend. She is truly my everything.
The initial post started as something else entirely, but after two paragraphs, this concept took on a life of its own. Initially, I was looking to answer, Is it Possible for a Man to Remain Faithful.
However, the tone evolved into the post you are reading now. At some point in the future, I will address the initial question.
Throughout the years, people often bring up various questions regarding my relationship. Some include…
Why aren’t there more guys like you?
Why could you not find yourself a Black woman?
How could you remain faithful, because I don’t believe you haven’t cheated?
I will begin a series addressing some of the most asked questions, because an individual who shares their perspective on romantic relationships, should not hide away from discussing questions involving their own.
Some questions may receive a longer response, in comparison to others. For instance, when it involves interracial relationships, I have enough content to write a book. LoL. In all seriousness…I do.
Today, my first post will address one question, which I believe all women seem to ask after having a discussion with me about relationships. Well, I would not say all, but the percentage is at least 80 percent.
Please keep in mind that this is not a post to fuel my ego, appearing superior to others, etc. Whenever you ask someone to describe two things about my personality, you will usually hear…
He’s such a humble individual
He can be very quiet at times
I honestly do not need to be the center of attention, so unless necessary, I prefer to listen. I am far too humble to consider myself better. I say this because miscommunication is rampant, and I want to make it clear what this post is about, and of course what the post is not.
But I digress.
Why aren’t there more guys like me?
I think there are countless guys with my perspective on respecting, honoring, appreciating and loving their partners. You may then ask…
Where are they?
I think you will find a majority in existing relationships. I think another portion encounters the wrong types of women. These women continue undermining the great, which these men can do. I also think there are instances where women will overlook these men, because they may not fit their exact checklist.
Oh, he’s Black, I don’t like Black guys.
Oh, he’s White. I’m not really into White guys.
Oh, he is 5’4. I don’t like short guys.
Oh, he is 6’2. I don’t find tall guys attractive.
Apart from eligible guys, you then encounter the unsuitable ones. Interestingly, these unsuitable guys arrive, because they are attracted to the energy you are putting out.
You cannot emit energy, attract its reciprocal energy and then become upset with your catch of the day. Always keep in mind that your energy initiated the process. In other words, something you shared seems to attract these types of men.
With these unsuitable guys, the origin of their behavior does not occur out of thin ear. Boys learn how to treat the opposite sex, by observing the treatment of the opposite sex during their childhood.
If the observation is of a negative nature, it is unlikely that he will magically change this perspective and treat females opposite of this learned behavior. In his mind, it is the norm.
I did not say it is impossible for people with destructive childhoods, to change their perspective over time. Instead, I believe the change is unlikely.
I believe that humanity as a whole, experiences some form of conditioning during their lifetime. As a boy, if he constantly views males treating females without respect in his household, he will follow suit.
If he views females romantically engaging with multiple men during his childhood, the likelihood is that he will associate this with standard behavior. Therefore, he will have little concern for commitment.
With him, he is unable to understand the importance of relationship commitment, because during his childhood, he did not observe commitment of any kind.
Regardless what you do, say and regardless how much you believe you are deserving of great treatment from a partner, the conditioning that you find in the behavior of unsuitable guys, arrive from the patterns of behavior he observed throughout his childhood.
Thankfully, this is where mentors come into play. Though he experienced poor parental lessons growing up, a mentor has the ability to reshape the perspective.
Boys need mentors, because in reality sometimes, a mentor is the key that interrupts a boy heading nowhere fast, and positions him onto a more productive trajectory.
When boys do not encounter positive male role models, this becomes one of the factors why you meet a number of guys, opposite to my perspective on relationships.
When he surrounds himself with others possessing a similar train of thought, it reinforces that bad behavior is simply standard behavior.
Think of it this way, girls raised on a farm will grow up handling animals on a daily basis. They know how a cow goes from birth, slaughter and then to the table. This is the norm.
When you place her into a conversation with other farm girls, they could talk for hours due to their upbringing.
As an outsider, you would face an uphill battle trying to tell these girls, that milking a cow is wrong or bad behavior. The milking of cows is typical behavior, for someone raised on a farm.
With young boys raised under the impression that destructive romantic behavior, between a man and a woman is routine behavior, he will have a difficult time…
Believing that striking his girlfriend in the face, is not justifiable if he is angry
Believing that cheating, is not grounds for you to end the relationship.
If we want more guys with my perspective on dating, women must stop entertaining all males absent of this perspective. If you engage with these guys, you reinforce that their train of thought is acceptable. People only do what we allow.
If you want more guys with my perspective on dating, you should consider rejecting unsuitable mates, and align yourselves with guys possessing the traits of a gentleman.
I often notice that the worst types of guys, usually have partners by their sides. However, at the same time, she is complaining how horrible of a person he is.
I believe females in general, set the guidelines on relationships. I cannot speak for countries where females are viewed as cattle, thus the reason I used general. Many will disagree, but here is the reality…you can help bring change to the dating environment.
If women stopped having sex with losers, losers would mature into winners. If being a loser will no longer attract girls, boys would adjust their behavior to appear more akin to winners, in order to attract girls.
If women said, You must respect me before you ever experience me physically, you would see a shift in the way males treated females.
Instead of verbally communicating that there is a shortage of good guys, women should set a female code all throughout the world, where no one engages with unsuitable guys. I am sure you would see a change in the behavior of males.
You cannot change the upbringing of a boy, whose relationship etiquette was ruined by his guardians. However, you can change the types of guys you allow into your hearts, you minds and your bodies.
Why aren’t there more guys like me?
There are multiple layers to the answer, but people only do what we allow. That is the reality. It is a harsh reality perhaps. However, ask yourself if the harsh reality, will better serve your relationships going forward or not.
This is what I think. I am more interested in hearing your perspective.
Do you think we play a role in the people we attract? Do you think women have more control in changing the way men behave, in the dating arena than they let on?
Do you think his childhood plays an important role, in the development of his future relationships with women?