Tags
Advice, Couples, Courting, Culture, Dating, OneGentlemansPerspective, Opinion, Personal, Reflection, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Society, Women
DUN-DUN-DUUUUN! The topic of sex is as old as humanity. I mean, you would not be reading this post, if body exploration sessions did not occur between your parents. Refusing to acknowledge a topic is rarely ever a good idea. It only fuels the interest of people, causing them to inquire further.
How long should you wait to have sex with someone? Please keep in mind; this is merely an opinion through One Gentleman’s Perspective.
I will be honest here, because there is no sense in lying. As a long-time reader of this blog, you are aware the process of becoming a gentleman is just that—a process. It does not occur overnight.
You do not snap your fingers and instantly, a gentleman appears. It is a lifelong journey, and each day you must remain steadfast in the decision to remain a gentleman, even when it goes against popular behavior.
With that said, how long did I wait to have sex? Well, in the past, there were instances of having sex during the first encounter.
On the other hand, the act of exploring someone’s body took far longer. I am not here to say, do X and not Y.
Instead, I want you to consider why I believe something, and then decide what best suits you.
The best place to begin is my view on sex as a whole, now that I am an adult. As a married man, and no longer roaming the dating pool for a hookup, I think a number of people should refrain from having sex while dating.
Though I have a spiritual/religious connection to this topic, my answer will be void of these beliefs. In other words, my answer will not come through the lens of either.
Instead, I believe a number of the issues people face while dating, involves the act of sex. When sex enters the equation, some become clingy, controlling, emotional, etc.
They enter the act of sex, without first understanding what exactly it means to have sexual intercourse. You see, we define sexual intercourse and acts of sex as…
1The insertion and thrusting of a male’s penis, usually into a female’s vagina or anus, for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction..
2Penetration of the mouth by the penis or oral penetration of the vulva or vagina (oral sex), sexual penetration by the fingers (fingering)…
There are other examples, but these concepts are sufficient for the explanation.
On paper, the definitions sound easy enough. In the reality, there is far more at play.
Generally speaking of course, sexual acts involve a great deal of emotions. From observation, a number of people engage in sexual acts, by only assessing the physical.
1Okay, I take this and insert here. It sounds simple enough.
2Okay, he is going to use that, and insert here.
We forget the emotional piece, which is able to possess far greater consequences.
1 Will he hold me afterwards?
2 Will he tell his friends?
3 Will he still treat me the same?
4 What if I pre-ejaculate?
5 What if I cannot perform?
6 What if she does not experience ecstasy?
7 Will she make fun of my size?
8 Why is he looking at my breasts?
The topic is still such a taboo one, many like to believe children are not having sex, because if you avoid the topic altogether, surely children will remain abstinent.
Surprise, surprise…some children are akin to mini-pornstars in training. Children are experiencing acts of sex, far sooner than their parents could imagine. In my high school, people were already making sex tapes and having threesomes on the premises.
During the first semester of college on my way to class, I was in the presence of girls between the ages of 11-13.
Girl, he had me bent over, and was giving it to me from behind…
I am not going to sit here and lie, but the entire dynamic of the conversation disgusted me.
I am not their relative, but when I was growing up, there were things my parents conveyed we should not express loudly in public. A good number of children today, are completely absent of respect. Why do I say this?
I understand they may not have positive role models. However, that realization did not erode my understanding for basic human decency growing up.
Interestingly, there were several other individuals present. Some were two or three times my age, and others were younger.
This was not the place for such a conversation. You may call this assessment judgmental, but I will not retract my assessment. The entire conversation disgusted me. At such a young age, I fail to see how you can grasp the intricacies of sex.
What makes someone so young, believe this was an acceptable conversation to discuss so loudly? Even if it were boys, my conclusion would not change.
But I digress.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Reblogged this on I G Malgwi's Blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for reblogging the message.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on A glimpse at Sophia's world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for stopping by and reading the post. I appreciate the reblog
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am glad you added until marriage into your perspective. I met my future husband when I was 16 and he was 19. I have no idea if he was sexually experienced and I don’t want to know. I was quite mature for my age but I still felt that I was too young to have sex. Our courtship was really quite innocent and we didn’t focus on when we were going to move to the next level. I did not want to give something so precious to someone who may not be the one.
We got to know each other and we both knew that we were heading for a serious commitment. Our relationship followed it’s natural course and we became more intimate over time. This intimacy never progressed to full sex. In fact we were happy to wait until we married. Neither of us ever felt that we missed out. We were together for 5 years before we married and if anything abstaining from sex made us more aware of each others body.
I hear people say that the first time for them was not very good. More like a get it over with quickly situation. That was not our experience. Knowing each other on such a deeply intimate level made our first time a wonderful experience. A true expression of our love for one another.
I would be lying if I said it was easy waiting 5 years but, on the occasions when things nearly went too far, we stopped and talked about why we had decided to wait. I am so glad we did. We have learned about each other together. Neither of us believe that you should make sure you are sexually compatible. If you love and respect one another you will be compatible in all other ways. It will feel natural and very right x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the response. I could write an entire post on waiting until marriage. I wanted to remove my spiritual/religious connection with the topic, and address from a different angle. Sex is an important step to take, and many refuse to acknowledge this before they engage in sexual activity. Waiting until marriage is what people always connect with religion, so I wanted to stop that argument before it arrived.
“I did not want to give something so precious to someone who may not be the one.”
This concept is so foreign right now, people think making fun of those who commit to this idea, is “funny.” It assists in fueling the idea that having sex is just “a thing to do.” I believe it also assists in reinforcing some people to engage without assessing the emotional aspect of sex.
I now believe that sharing your body with another human being is a pretty big deal, and not one to take lightly. People are having others enter their bodies and are entering bodies, with the same “lack of concern,” as I would brush lint off my sweater. It is quite insane to witness people spending more time choosing which movie to watch, over being selective with their sexual partners.
“We were together for 5 years before we married and if anything abstaining from sex made us more aware of each others body.”
That takes immense dedication.
“I hear people say that the first time for them was not very good. More like a get it over with quickly situation. That was not our experience. Knowing each other on such a deeply intimate level made our first time a wonderful experience.”
You are right in my opinion.
“Neither of us believe that you should make sure you are sexually compatible. If you love and respect one another you will be compatible in all other ways. It will feel natural and very right.”
This is a tricky one. LoL. Luckily, it worked for you. I know of situations where it was disastrous. LoL. What matters though is that it worked for you.
Thank you again for sharing this. I appreciate the glimpse into your life, which connects to the post
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t start having sex until I was 19 years old. I agree with you about 11 to 13 year olds, they should not be having sex or discussing it in public. But the society we live in has become highly sexualized because people do not have the positive role models and the access children have to media is horrific.
I agree with what you’ve said. Sex makes things complicated. There’s been times where I have had it with a guy too early, and it has caused problems and ended up with my heart being broken. But there’s no way of knowing when the right time is or would have been if you don’t do what you feel is right at the time.
We definitely should be having these conversations with kids. We definitely should be telling them how complicated sex can be and how it’s important to wait as long as possible because even adults don’t know what they are doing when it comes to sex. Even adults screw up and get hurt. But adults should be doing their best to be the best possible role models for kids. This includes encouraging them to be kids for as long as possible and to enjoy life without sex before romance and sex and adulthood make everything way more complicated.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing your energy on the page. I appreciate your time and response.
“But the society we live in has become highly sexualized because people do not have the positive role models and the access children have to media is horrific.”
This plays a big role, in my opinion, as to the current mentality of individuals.
I wrote this post, because I heard often exactly what you expressed below…
“There’s been times where I have had it with a guy too early, and it has caused problems and ended up with my heart being broken.”
I cannot change every single person in world and I get that. I am not trying. However, your quote above is why I write posts like this one. There are so many girls and women, entering the arena of sex and do not take into consideration the “after.” I know it, because I hear it so often. It is such a difficult position. This happens with guys as well, but the topic of sex in this particular example, is vastly different for females.
“We definitely should be having these conversations with kids.”
Without a doubt. They watch TV and hear their favorite pop stars talking pure nonsense, which makes them follow along with the message, even at times, when they are receiving a counter message from home.
For a lot of kids, the pop star holds more weight. It sucks, but that is the reality in a number of situations. Your response was a great one, because it connects with the message in the post. Thank you much for sharing again. I appreciate the perspective
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can remember my friend’s younger siblings being obsessed with miley cyrus about 7 years ago, when she was hannah montana.
And in the past 3 years she pretty much went off the deep end. What are these famous stars teaching young kids? That it’s okay to lick hammers and do molly and be absolutely completely sexual all of the time?
Our society is going insane!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are correct. Please forgive this delay. I hope you had a great transition into 2015, and is looking ahead to a productive start to this new year.
I agree with your assessment, because bad behavior soon becomes good or normal behavior, when you see it often enough.
LikeLike
I agree they shouldn’t talk about or have sex at such a young age. It doesn’t seem to be right. They might not even know what they were doing when they were having sex. It is something that they can’t take it back and they might regret what they have done. I know they might be influenced by the current society, but still it’s better to wait than to regret.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always found it weird how loudly they express this topic, whenever they are in public. It boggles the mind honestly. LoL.
“It is something that they can’t take it back and they might regret what they have done.”
You are correct, in my opinion. They enter the decision purely thinking in the moment, and when the consequences arrive, they have no idea what to do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right, they didn’t think further what would happen next and that’s where the problem starts. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
I cannot disagree here. I hear the complaint often enough, where they say they wish they could take back their first sexual experience, because they felt it occurred too soon. Terribly sorry for this delay
LikeLiked by 1 person
No worries! 🙂 It’s all good to me.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on A Kaleidoscopic World and commented:
Admit it, this is so rampant. Women getting pregnant at a very early age pr young adults getting married because of having a baby. I still believe in having sex until after marriage. This is more of a religious view that I still hold up to now. But I know that with all the influence that media has brought to the new generation, sex until marriage is so old-fashioned and taboo. But then again, I still stand in what I believed in and I greatly respect anyone who would disagree with me. Because in the end, we make our own lives. Therefore, we should be responsible with our own actions and decision.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you much for sharing your time, but also reblogging the post. Please excuse my delayed response. I often lose track due to my inactivity at times. I hope you are doing well in 2015 thus far.
Sex is so in our faces today, you would expect actual dialogue on the subject, but that is not the case. How strange? You can find sex in movies, television, books, music, etc. However, seeing, hearing and reading about sex, does not automatically equate to one’s understanding on the subject.
The information simply addresses the physical action of sex, enticing young minds to seek it at all times. Sadly, the actual education on sexual activity is foreign within these places, which they seem to acquire “sex education.”
In my opinion, people should refrain from sex altogether, because simply having it does not make you fully aware of sex. There are a number of consequences that they overlook with the act.
LikeLike