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Advice, Couples, Courting, Culture, Dating, OneGentlemansPerspective, Opinion, Personal, Reflection, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Society, Women
Sex and one’s decision to engage with another party, is not one to take lightly.
I periodically mention this, but I see individuals placing more emphasis on mundane things, yet none when it involves the males they allow to enter their bodies, or the females whose bodies they will enter. I have a difficult time making sense of this.
It is akin to people spending more time planning a wedding, but less time courting and getting to know their partners.
When I analyze sex, it is something far greater than a physical exchange of two bodies. It is one of our greatest ways to become one. Now that I am no longer teenager, I refuse to consider sex as only…
Inserting and exiting, inserting and exiting.
Because of the process one should take before engaging in sexual activity, I believe people should refrain from all acts, until they understand what it means beyond the physical.
Anyone can have sex.
In other words, without any deficiencies, anyone can have sex. What you should consider is your mental preparedness, for what happens afterwards.
This is idealistic and I know not everyone will make this consideration.
Should you have sex after one date? Personally, I would advise against women allowing someone to enter their bodies, after only one date.
I may receive a lot of opposition for that, because I did not mention males. However, sex cannot occur without the consent of a woman.
Law-abiding males require consent to have sex, thus my emphasis on females.
If I had a daughter and she deemed one date enough, to allow a man to enter her body, I would consider my role as a father to be a failure. If I had a son, I want him to question his partner, if she were willing to have sex on the first date. Others may disagree, and that is totally fine.
When I was dating, I did not care to think beyond the moment. If she were willing after a first encounter, who was I to reject. However, over time, my assessment changed.
I would want our children to assess things in a similar fashion, and then make the decision they feel is right, as opposed to acting and then assessing afterwards.
I also understand some females feel there is enough chemistry on the first date, and no other thought process is necessary. Once again, I continue saying females, because until she decides sex will happen, it will not happen.
If you fall into the category of people who have sex on the first encounter, my concept of taking more time on your decision becomes irrelevant.
Is sex on the first night a deal breaker? In other words, does that make her unworthy of marriage? There are relationships where body exploration sessions occurred on the first date. Therefore, it is not a deal breaker if you both decide on taking this step.
However, if you are looking for a relationship beyond the act, I simply suggest keeping in mind, the emotional aspect of having sex.
If you are not looking for a relationship, I still recommend taking some time to assess a decision, before acting purely on impulse.
Then again, I know there are people who skip the date altogether, and engage in body exploration sessions. I am not here to judge and therefore, my response on this subject is irrelevant for you.
More importantly, I know the people asking this question are usually those whom are interested in waiting, but not sure how long to wait.
I also know individuals under the age of 30, will not view this question in the same manner as a recently divorced individual, in their 50s or 60s.
There is no magic number honestly. It may take five dates over a span of several weeks, or 10 dates over a span of six months. Perhaps it will only take one date, over the span of 30 days.
Your interaction with this person is important, but more importantly, your understanding and reflection on your emotional assessment of sex is vital.
I believe this reflection holds more weight than chemistry, your childhood upbringing, etc. Is this something you are truly ready to do? Strip your mind of s/he is nice, the date is going so well, I haven’t had sex in months, etc.
Before you make a decision, ask yourself if you will still feel the same, if he no longer calls back. In other words, reflect on the decision, before actually making it.
This is One Gentleman’s opinion. I am more interested in hearing yours. How long should someone wait until having sex? Is it one week, two months, six months or until marriage?
How long did you wait until having sex? What would you advise to someone asking for an answer, such as your children or friend?
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Reblogged this on I G Malgwi's Blog.
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Thanks for reblogging the message.
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Reblogged this on A glimpse at Sophia's world.
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Thank you for stopping by and reading the post. I appreciate the reblog
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I am glad you added until marriage into your perspective. I met my future husband when I was 16 and he was 19. I have no idea if he was sexually experienced and I don’t want to know. I was quite mature for my age but I still felt that I was too young to have sex. Our courtship was really quite innocent and we didn’t focus on when we were going to move to the next level. I did not want to give something so precious to someone who may not be the one.
We got to know each other and we both knew that we were heading for a serious commitment. Our relationship followed it’s natural course and we became more intimate over time. This intimacy never progressed to full sex. In fact we were happy to wait until we married. Neither of us ever felt that we missed out. We were together for 5 years before we married and if anything abstaining from sex made us more aware of each others body.
I hear people say that the first time for them was not very good. More like a get it over with quickly situation. That was not our experience. Knowing each other on such a deeply intimate level made our first time a wonderful experience. A true expression of our love for one another.
I would be lying if I said it was easy waiting 5 years but, on the occasions when things nearly went too far, we stopped and talked about why we had decided to wait. I am so glad we did. We have learned about each other together. Neither of us believe that you should make sure you are sexually compatible. If you love and respect one another you will be compatible in all other ways. It will feel natural and very right x
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Thank you for the response. I could write an entire post on waiting until marriage. I wanted to remove my spiritual/religious connection with the topic, and address from a different angle. Sex is an important step to take, and many refuse to acknowledge this before they engage in sexual activity. Waiting until marriage is what people always connect with religion, so I wanted to stop that argument before it arrived.
“I did not want to give something so precious to someone who may not be the one.”
This concept is so foreign right now, people think making fun of those who commit to this idea, is “funny.” It assists in fueling the idea that having sex is just “a thing to do.” I believe it also assists in reinforcing some people to engage without assessing the emotional aspect of sex.
I now believe that sharing your body with another human being is a pretty big deal, and not one to take lightly. People are having others enter their bodies and are entering bodies, with the same “lack of concern,” as I would brush lint off my sweater. It is quite insane to witness people spending more time choosing which movie to watch, over being selective with their sexual partners.
“We were together for 5 years before we married and if anything abstaining from sex made us more aware of each others body.”
That takes immense dedication.
“I hear people say that the first time for them was not very good. More like a get it over with quickly situation. That was not our experience. Knowing each other on such a deeply intimate level made our first time a wonderful experience.”
You are right in my opinion.
“Neither of us believe that you should make sure you are sexually compatible. If you love and respect one another you will be compatible in all other ways. It will feel natural and very right.”
This is a tricky one. LoL. Luckily, it worked for you. I know of situations where it was disastrous. LoL. What matters though is that it worked for you.
Thank you again for sharing this. I appreciate the glimpse into your life, which connects to the post
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I didn’t start having sex until I was 19 years old. I agree with you about 11 to 13 year olds, they should not be having sex or discussing it in public. But the society we live in has become highly sexualized because people do not have the positive role models and the access children have to media is horrific.
I agree with what you’ve said. Sex makes things complicated. There’s been times where I have had it with a guy too early, and it has caused problems and ended up with my heart being broken. But there’s no way of knowing when the right time is or would have been if you don’t do what you feel is right at the time.
We definitely should be having these conversations with kids. We definitely should be telling them how complicated sex can be and how it’s important to wait as long as possible because even adults don’t know what they are doing when it comes to sex. Even adults screw up and get hurt. But adults should be doing their best to be the best possible role models for kids. This includes encouraging them to be kids for as long as possible and to enjoy life without sex before romance and sex and adulthood make everything way more complicated.
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Thank you for sharing your energy on the page. I appreciate your time and response.
“But the society we live in has become highly sexualized because people do not have the positive role models and the access children have to media is horrific.”
This plays a big role, in my opinion, as to the current mentality of individuals.
I wrote this post, because I heard often exactly what you expressed below…
“There’s been times where I have had it with a guy too early, and it has caused problems and ended up with my heart being broken.”
I cannot change every single person in world and I get that. I am not trying. However, your quote above is why I write posts like this one. There are so many girls and women, entering the arena of sex and do not take into consideration the “after.” I know it, because I hear it so often. It is such a difficult position. This happens with guys as well, but the topic of sex in this particular example, is vastly different for females.
“We definitely should be having these conversations with kids.”
Without a doubt. They watch TV and hear their favorite pop stars talking pure nonsense, which makes them follow along with the message, even at times, when they are receiving a counter message from home.
For a lot of kids, the pop star holds more weight. It sucks, but that is the reality in a number of situations. Your response was a great one, because it connects with the message in the post. Thank you much for sharing again. I appreciate the perspective
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I can remember my friend’s younger siblings being obsessed with miley cyrus about 7 years ago, when she was hannah montana.
And in the past 3 years she pretty much went off the deep end. What are these famous stars teaching young kids? That it’s okay to lick hammers and do molly and be absolutely completely sexual all of the time?
Our society is going insane!
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You are correct. Please forgive this delay. I hope you had a great transition into 2015, and is looking ahead to a productive start to this new year.
I agree with your assessment, because bad behavior soon becomes good or normal behavior, when you see it often enough.
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I agree they shouldn’t talk about or have sex at such a young age. It doesn’t seem to be right. They might not even know what they were doing when they were having sex. It is something that they can’t take it back and they might regret what they have done. I know they might be influenced by the current society, but still it’s better to wait than to regret.
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I always found it weird how loudly they express this topic, whenever they are in public. It boggles the mind honestly. LoL.
“It is something that they can’t take it back and they might regret what they have done.”
You are correct, in my opinion. They enter the decision purely thinking in the moment, and when the consequences arrive, they have no idea what to do.
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Right, they didn’t think further what would happen next and that’s where the problem starts. 😦
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I cannot disagree here. I hear the complaint often enough, where they say they wish they could take back their first sexual experience, because they felt it occurred too soon. Terribly sorry for this delay
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No worries! 🙂 It’s all good to me.
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Reblogged this on A Kaleidoscopic World and commented:
Admit it, this is so rampant. Women getting pregnant at a very early age pr young adults getting married because of having a baby. I still believe in having sex until after marriage. This is more of a religious view that I still hold up to now. But I know that with all the influence that media has brought to the new generation, sex until marriage is so old-fashioned and taboo. But then again, I still stand in what I believed in and I greatly respect anyone who would disagree with me. Because in the end, we make our own lives. Therefore, we should be responsible with our own actions and decision.
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Thank you much for sharing your time, but also reblogging the post. Please excuse my delayed response. I often lose track due to my inactivity at times. I hope you are doing well in 2015 thus far.
Sex is so in our faces today, you would expect actual dialogue on the subject, but that is not the case. How strange? You can find sex in movies, television, books, music, etc. However, seeing, hearing and reading about sex, does not automatically equate to one’s understanding on the subject.
The information simply addresses the physical action of sex, enticing young minds to seek it at all times. Sadly, the actual education on sexual activity is foreign within these places, which they seem to acquire “sex education.”
In my opinion, people should refrain from sex altogether, because simply having it does not make you fully aware of sex. There are a number of consequences that they overlook with the act.
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