Why do men continue to cheat; chase skirts or allow themselves to be vulnerable enough in the presence of women, like a gazelle slowing down mid-chase, during a leopard’s pursuit? Why do men continue to cheat, arrive home, kiss you goodnight and wash away remnants of their most recent rendezvous, as if the day’s events did not occur?
As mentioned in the previous piece, the answer to this topic is simply my perspective and therefore, an opinion. This may not relate to your specific experience with infidelity, but for someone, it may apply to your life or someone you hold dear.
A psychologist will provide a number of reasons, as to why men cheat…
Men have an insatiable desire to have sex
- Men always desire new encounters
- Men like the challenge of pursuing and of course, being pursued
There are a number of reasons as to why men cheat, and to list them all would take away from the purpose of this post.
However, through One Gentleman’s Perspective, I want to approach things differently with this topic. I will do my best to connect why he cheats, but also why he comes back to his long-term relationship.
Why do men cheat, yet always come back to his long-term partner?
It is obvious that men cheat because they love sex. Am I right? I obviously unlocked the answer to a secret, which many are not aware. Sarcasm aside, as simple as men appear; sex is not the end-all and be-all, in the way that we think or find peace. Yes, there are men who only desire sex from women.
It does not take a nuclear physicist to understand this. However, if you think that sex is the only thing that a woman must bring to table, in order to fulfill a man—you are sadly mistaken.
I will first address three of the most discussed reasons that men cheat, which you will find in the list above.
1When it comes to sex, his appetite is insatiable. This idea is wrong on about ten billion levels. I do not find fault in this idea of men enjoying sex…not-at-all. However, I take issue when people often attribute infidelity, with an insatiable appetite.
I love sex. Sex to me is not merely a physical act of insertion. Sex is akin to an art form, where many have the ability to utilize a pen, pencil or paintbrush, to create art.
However, simply using a tool to create art does not make you an artist. More importantly, as much as I enjoy sex, it will NEVER happen with anyone besides my wife.
With this explanation out of the way, a man can enjoy sex with his partner, without ever seeking sexual gratification from another woman.
Why does a man with a healthy appetite for sex, choose to refrain from having sex outside of his relationship? This in my opinion, is the real question.
2Men desire something new, which means they will always seek out a new partner. In fact, there is a saying and please excuse my French, the only thing better than pu*** is new pu***.
There are a number of variations to this concept, but the theme is this: men always desire something new. This belief was always weird to me, because I am sure women desire a sense of newness as well.
Nonetheless, how many people do you know enjoy complacency and boredom in the sexual arena? How many individuals actually enjoy waking up each day, and working a boring job? We all want to keep things fresh in our relationship.
In fact, sex is one area that should not become unexciting. To say that men desire something new is bollocks as well—it goes deeper than that. There are several ways to keep things fresh within your relationship, such as role-playing, through spontaneity, emotionally stimulating her thoughts, etc.
3Men seem to enjoy pursuing women, but they also admire a woman’s pursuit. The ego plays a critical role here. If you are no longer on the market, you may want to know if people besides your partner, still find you attractive. I can understand why this is a reason, which many relationship experts and psychologists provide, as to why men cheat.
However, the ego alone cannot make you do bad things. Yes, you may experience positive energy, when someone in the office flirts. Yes, it can feel cool when girls are fawning over you at the beach, as you remove your shirt.
Attention can be a good thing, but it is also very dangerous. Too much can cause you to make poor judgments.
Several years ago, during the midpoint stage of my fitness journey, I received countless comments from strangers and friends. The comments were great to hear and yet humbling.
However, the one person whose comments about my progression meant the world—that was my brother. I could receive accolades from Arnold Schwarzenegger himself, and a number of fitness models, but the reaction from my brother trumps them all.
His opinion simply held more significance, in comparison to others. What is my point? The positive energy a man receives at home, can and should undermine the pursuit of other women. The third reasoning is bollocks—it goes deeper than his ego.
One Gentleman's Perspective 
Reblogged this on "Dear Black Chula" … Advice on just about everything! and commented:
One more perspective
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Thank you for reading and sharing the message. Hopefully my spin on the topic is able to deliver another perspective. Thanks once again
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I think it is simpler than that. It’s the same as for women who cheat, it’s just entitlement. For some reason they feel entitled to have their cake and eat it too. It is a little bit of play-acting, a try at what would a different life have looked like (which is dumb, because of course its completely unlike what it would be like to be with the person outside the secrecy bubble). Whether it’s extra sex, additional experience, different personalities, its their opportunity to play-act at a different role. I do not feel entitled to that at my partner’s expense, but many people do. They rationalise it differently – it won’t hurt them if they don’t know, I can handle it and keep it all separate, it’s just sex or just chatting or just work or just whatever it is they fool themselves with.
For women I think the rationale is the same, but it’s much more likely to lead to the break up of the original relationship (for many reasons, some contested). So the outcome distorts our analysis of the cause. But the cause is the same. Entitlement.
No one would cheat if it was off the table completely, and they felt they were never entitled to do that no matter what the circumstances, no matter the exigencies of life, no matter what their partner did, no matter what the paramour did or they said their partner did. Whether that entitlement is a deep flaw in their character, or whether it is a cliff they fell off from the lesser, but similar, flaw of narcissism, you can’t tell until you see the remorse in word and deed. But time tells you everything.
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Thanks for providing your perspective on entitlement. I appreciate your time on the page. Entitle is to give a person a right or claim to. When I think of that, I do not consider it the root, but that is merely my perspective.
Entitlement is a concept of how they feel, so that concept must arise from someplace.
You have the right to defend yourself, if five guys were to approach you with a gun. However, the person decides against any form of retaliation. During this robbery, why does entitlement not take over for the victim?
The victim understands cause-and-effect. “If I do this, I am dead.” The victim used sound judgment, and realizes the situation is not in their favor to attack. “I can always make this money back. I can cancel my credit cards by the end of the day, go home to my family and see another day. Even if I take out three guys, the other two will react.”
In my opinion, entitlement only goes so far. It can drive you to do something, but it is not the core. There are things existing beneath one’s entitlement, which supercedes the entitlement. However, I do feel that entitlement plays a role within the hearts of some. Your perspective is not incorrect, and mine is not “correct.” They are two opinions on the matter.
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Two points. First “cheat” is not necessarily the right verb. Some men, and some women, do not see anything wrong with “getting a little on the side”. Such people do not cheat; they merely engage in extramarital sexual relations.
Second, and more important, you are absolutely wrong that “sex is one area that cannot become unexciting”. It can and it does. Men and women both desire novelty. If both partners in a marriage make a real effort to introduce novelty into their sex life on a regular basis, then that couple’s sex life will not become unexciting. Such couples are very rare. Most long attached monogamous couples will find the sex between them becoming unexciting within a few years of getting together.
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Thank you for the read and of course your response.
If couple X states they have an open relationship, where both members can do as they choose sexually and emotionally, within their relationship, the basic concept of “cheating, ” ‘infidelity” and affair does not apply. Therefore, their relationship has nothing to do with this post.
If couple Z is in a monogamous relationship, where both parties specifically expressed the exclusive nature of their union, if one goes astray, by logic, that is “cheating, ” having an “affair,” etc. Couple Z is what my post is about.
I am having difficulty with your response. This post does not cater to couples in your first paragraph (Couple X) because by logic, they verbally expressed both can do as they choose sexually/emotionally.
This is where I often say we must be careful with how we use words. It is in my opinion that sex is an area of the relationship, if you both desire a healthy sex life, it cannot become unexciting. It is not something that you should allow to become boring. I think you read my post and concluded I believe sex is always exciting in every relationship. That is not the case here. Sex is something you must do your best to keep exciting. It, in my opinion, is your responsibility.
I want you to do a poll with couples with a healthy sex life. Ask them if a healthy sex life is something they look forward to eventually becoming unexciting. I am sure you will come back with the answer that, “I cannot imagine things becoming unexiciting. I am sure it happens in some relationships, but I will do what I can, not to make it happen in ours.” I even referenced examples how to keep the fire burning.
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