We shall have no better conditions in the future if we are satisfied with all those which we have at present.–Thomas Edison
This post will be the first in a series, depicting why men and women alike deserve better in their relationships. Through One Gentleman’s Perspective, females will be first on the agenda.
As a disclaimer, this post will only address people who deserve better, but due to insecurities, are incapable of seeing a way out of their unbalanced relationship.
I am fully aware that there are people who choose to remain in a relationship, not because of insecurities, but due to complacency.
This post may not be for you. There are differences between a complacent individual, and someone fettered with insecurities.
With this out of the way…
I think you know this girl. In fact, I believe you know this girl rather intimately. You know her so well, she may be your best friend, sister or mother. Better yet, this girl may actually be you.
When you look in the mirror, sometimes the individual staring back is a former version of yourself.
You deserve better.
You deserve better, not because I say you do. You deserve better, because the way that he reinforces your insecurities, should not define who you are.
Self-esteem is something that occurs from within. However, self-esteem originates from how people define us from a young age.
If your origin is one of negativity, your self-esteem will take on a negative point of view. The continued negative acknowledgement from others, well, they continue to fuel this low self-esteem.
Although self-worth occurs from within, someone in this position will take what other people think, and begin to internalize. Eventually, you begin to adopt the negative message imposed on you from others.
This strikes females with a far greater intensity, in comparison to males. Suicide rates are higher for males, because they externalize their feelings, whereas women tend to internalize. Is this understanding to undermine the rate of suicide among women? I will point out clearly, that I am not undermining female suicide.
Instead, I am using the differences with how males and females interpret negative feelings, and the tendency to internalize or externalize one’s emotions.
You believe his lies where he often says, if you leave, no other man will want you. You hate his emotional and/or physical abuse, but you look the other way. Through your perception, a horrible man is better than being single. Therefore, you believe his lies.
Insecurity #1: You are overweight
–> What you believe: What guy finds overweight women attractive? Well, except for him of course.
Insecurity #2: You are too thin
–> What you believe: What self-respecting guy, would find a thin woman attractive? Well, except for him of course.
Insecurity #3: Your butt is too large
–> What you believe: What guy actually finds a large derrière sexy? Well, except for him of course.
Insecurity #4: Your breasts are too small
–> What you believe: What guy do you know enjoys caressing small breasts? Well, except for him of course.
These examples are just four insecurities on a list of countless, that woman will encounter within a relationship, which happens to be emotionally or physically draining.
You remain, because you are unable to believe that you deserve any better. You remain because in your mind, he is the only man who desires you. This rationale is a psychological shackle.
You are a mental captive, even though you are physically able to leave whenever you choose. It does not take physical chains to imprison someone. You can maintain dominance, simply by controlling the way a person thinks.
You deserve better.
You deserve better, because the way my wife looks at me tells me so. You deserve better, because the way that she finds comfort, resting her head against my chest tells me so. You deserve better, because my wife does not feel inferior to me, while in my presence.
You deserve better, because she does not flinch when my arm stretches to caress her hair. You deserve better, because she knows the words that exit my mouth, are to compliment and to strengthen. They are not to undermine and tear her down.
My wife knows her value, because she did not experience conditioning from a young age, where someone consistently diminished her significance. Sadly, there are countless girls throughout the world, who experience the opposite.
I am not your sister, brother, dad, mother, best friend…I am a stranger. However, if you are reading this and you are in an abusive relationship, which you fear to exit, please understand that you deserve better. You deserve better, not because I say you do.
You deserve better, because the way that he reinforces your insecurities, should never define who you are.