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Instead of focusing on love, consider something else. When a man cheats with his secretary, neighbor or the girl on Instagram who he claims is a distant cousin, you are asking a multitude of questions except one.
You respect me when you are here, with your arms around me. You respect me when we are on vacation and enjoying the warm weather together. You respect me when we are having a barbecue with your relatives and friends. However, in the one place that you should show respect and your love for me, they were absent. During a moment where it would be most warranted, why did you remove your respect for me?
You want to understand why he removed his respect for you, at the precise moment before the infidelity took place. At that moment, there is usually an internal conflict of sorts.
I have to walk away right now because this is not going to end well.
versus
I am going to stay because (blank).
Why am I asking you not to think solely about his love for you? What exactly is the definition of love? Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love also refers to a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.
In my opinion, his love for you may very well be present. However, and once again, this is merely my opinion and experience with men who cheat.
During the moment of contact with the other women, the respect that he should have for you is completely absent.
The respect that he has while in your presence, and in the presence of your loved ones; the respect that you are familiar with—it disappeared shortly and possibly, it is gone entirely.
You need to understand why he allowed his respect for you, to disappear so easily.
A man can have intense feelings of deep affection for his partner, yet dedicate supposed late evenings at the office, in the presence of mistresses.
Upon discovering this infidelity, your first reaction usually involves questioning why a man in love would ever cheat on you. He will immediately say the following, but I do love you.
Remember, we define love as having intense feelings of affection for someone else.
He feels that he is very much in love with you, and even worships the ground you walk on. Do not concern yourself with asking why you would commit XYZ, if he still loves you.
Instead, you want to understand why at the moment, where the supposed respect he has for the relationship and you, suddenly disappeared.
Respect; it plays a far greater role in his ability to cheat, than you can ever imagine. At the moment he is about to initiate a lapse in judgment, pause right there. Yes, right there.
The moment before his lips make contact with hers, before she removes his shirt, and before he rips apart her blouse is where his respect for you goes right out the window—not his love.
I know it is difficult to remove the feelings you have about someone being incapable of loving you, and yet, having no issues cheating.
I am not saying you should not be angry. In fact, I am not saying that you caused him to lose respect. Also, I am not saying that you should not question the relationship. Instead, take a step back and think as a cheating male, just for this particular instance.
It is not about his love for you—you want to understand the respect he has for you and the relationship.
In part two, join me as I provide my opinion on why some men continue to cheat, yet still want to remain in the relationship, as if their cheating did not take place
…to be continued
One Gentleman's Perspective 
That was really well said. Men and women tend to perceive love differently, so putting it in terms of respect is a great way to help women sort it all out.
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While writing this, I had no idea it would generate positive interest. Lol. I actually thought it would trigger anger. Thanks for understanding where I was coming from. I didn’t want women to think I was asking them to accept infidelity, but to approach their understanding from a different angle. You definitely grasped where I was coming from. We do tend to perceive love differently, so I learn a lot by engaging with my wife, sisters, mom and friends. It allows me to communicate better
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Amazing post!
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Thank you very much. Thanks for taking the time to read these two pages of my thoughts. There are many other blogs, but you ended up here. I appreciate and value your time. Thanks. I only wanted women to view this topic from a different angle.
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
This is a question that has befuddled relationship experts let alone us mere mortals for thousands of years… back in the cave we would have shared a hearth with a man and he could pop and sit by any other hearth that he fancied. The idea was to procreate and women were nobbled by having 9 months between producing babies. Spreading the love had a purpose. Today not quite so much. With nearly 8 billion people on the planet that purpose is more or less redundant. Women’s and most men’s expectations have changed and we now expect both parties to stay by the same fireplace… What is your view on the subject? In my opinion trust, like happiness is a decision you have to make and nurture. Both are the foundation of a happy relationship and once violated in any form it takes time and committment to move forward. Or you can just buy a ball and chain!
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As usual, thank you very much for taking time out of your day, to bless my post with your presence. Your response was perfectly stated. Trust for me is like a glue, which binds you to your partner.
The greater your trust, the stronger the bond. With each infringement, the bond loosens just a bit. When the transgressions continue, the bond becomes so weakened, it becomes difficult to reverse the damage for some. My wife and I trust one another immensely, so the value of her trust is priceless. I refuse to ever infringe upon the glue, which binds us together. Thank you very much for the reblog. It is always a pleasure
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Thank you for bringing a refreshing perspective to the table. To be hones I get very irritated with the shenanigans that the media loves to showcase when I know from experience that there are a majority of couples who are perfectly happy mating for life….. look forward to you next posts. Have a good week. best wishes Sally
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I’m surviving infidelity. It’s not easy but it can be done. I have a relative that have been married about the same amount of years I have been on earth. She told me to learn to forgive and move on (more or less). I took her advice. I struggle with trusting my husband but he deals with my insecurities by reminding himself that he caused the wound.
Great post!
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Infidelity is a difficult beast to challenge. If your friend lies to you about something small, the lie remains in the back of your mind. You do not hold it against them, but you cannot simply erase the action. This intensifies tenfold, when your partner betrays your trust through infidelity. I can only imagine the hurt, so I know “getting over” infidelity is not easy. Someone I imagined was close to me, did a rather horrible action, and they’ve dodged contact with me.
I don’t hold it against them, but the relationship is obviously strained. This person is not my wife and yet, the relationship that I have with them is badly strained because of their action. My wife asks me often how I feel about the relationship with this person, or well, lack thereof now. Once again, this intensifies tenfold, when you picture the harm infidelity brings. You spend everyday with your partner, so the things they do hurt greater.
Surviving infidelity is most definitely possible. Personally, I believe you have to go back to square one in the relationship. You are akin to birthing a new child, and showing them how to eat, crawl, walk and talk again. Our elders are very wise, because they’ve been there and done that. They witnessed a poor action, and then looked back 20 years in that poor action. We experience a poor action and do not get to see ourselves in the future, looking back on the action. We simply see the moment and refuse to see beyond it. In other words, their feeling at the moment, is not what they experienced 20 years later. Time changed their perception.
When you get to the reason for the infidelity, that is the starting point of healing yourself, and if you desire, healing the relationship. Thank you for sharing this story and reading. I appreciate your time.
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Reblogged this on Clothed with Dignity and Strength and commented:
WOW, Very insightful…
A quote from the post “If you base the question solely on love, think back to all of the wrongs committed upon loved ones, by you of course. Since you made these wrongs, does it mean you did not or do not love your family and friends? More than likely, no is the answer to this question.”
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Thank you very much for stopping by. I honestly wasn’t aware the post would resonate with others. Thanks for taking the time to read and then share. I appreciate it
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I don’t know why it’s not on my page that I reblogged it…I was helpful for me.
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That is quite alright. It is the thought that ultimately counts. Once again, thank you for taking the time to read. I think this topic of infidelity connects with others, so I should utilize more posts on the subject. Perhaps it can help someone along the way
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Excellent perspective! Well-written! I especially love the last paragraph and the question you raised.
❤ carmen
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Thank you very much. I try to think of things we discuss often, but add a spin through my perspective. I was not aware it would connect with others. My wife read the post and said she loves it, because it provided an angle she never took into consideration, concerning the topic of infidelity. Thank you for reading as usual. It’s always a pleasure
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An amazing thoughtful posting.
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Thank you very much. I am grateful for you taking the time to read. Time is valuable, so it’s a pleasure having you dedicate some of it to this post.
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I believe its very simple. Men crave something “new”. Falling in lust creates a feeling of being needed and admired, by someone other than the woman that you go through the everyday struggles of life with. This “side piece” way of thinkng is more prevelant now than ever.
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That’s one reason a person can go astray, but it goes far deeper than that–in my opinion. Everyone desires a sense of newness. As far as the “side-piece” dilemma, it is such an interesting topic. Thank you very much for sharing your perspective.
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