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Instead of focusing on love, consider something else. When a man cheats with his secretary, neighbor or the girl on Instagram who he claims is a distant cousin, you are asking a multitude of questions except one.

You respect me when you are here, with your arms around me. You respect me when we are on vacation and enjoying the warm weather together. You respect me when we are having a barbecue with your relatives and friends. However, in the one place that you should show respect and your love for me, they were absent. During a moment where it would be most warranted, why did you remove your respect for me?

You want to understand why he removed his respect for you, at the precise moment before the infidelity took place. At that moment, there is usually an internal conflict of sorts.

I have to walk away right now because this is not going to end well.


I am going to stay because (blank).

Why am I asking you not to think solely about his love for you? What exactly is the definition of love? Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love also refers to a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

In my opinion, his love for you may very well be present. However, and once again, this is merely my opinion and experience with men who cheat.

During the moment of contact with the other women, the respect that he should have for you is completely absent.

The respect that he has while in your presence, and in the presence of your loved ones; the respect that you are familiar with—it disappeared shortly and possibly, it is gone entirely.

You need to understand why he allowed his respect for you, to disappear so easily.

A man can have intense feelings of deep affection for his partner, yet dedicate supposed late evenings at the office, in the presence of mistresses.

Upon discovering this infidelity, your first reaction usually involves questioning why a man in love would ever cheat on you. He will immediately say the following, but I do love you.

Remember, we define love as having intense feelings of affection for someone else.

He feels that he is very much in love with you, and even worships the ground you walk on. Do not concern yourself with asking why you would commit XYZ, if he still loves you.

Instead, you want to understand why at the moment, where the supposed respect he has for the relationship and you, suddenly disappeared.

Respect; it plays a far greater role in his ability to cheat, than you can ever imagine. At the moment he is about to initiate a lapse in judgment, pause right there. Yes, right there.

The moment before his lips make contact with hers, before she removes his shirt, and before he rips apart her blouse is where his respect for you goes right out the window—not his love.

I know it is difficult to remove the feelings you have about someone being incapable of loving you, and yet, having no issues cheating.

I am not saying you should not be angry. In fact, I am not saying that you caused him to lose respect. Also, I am not saying that you should not question the relationship. Instead, take a step back and think as a cheating male, just for this particular instance.

It is not about his love for you—you want to understand the respect he has for you and the relationship.

In part two, join me as I provide my opinion on why some men continue to cheat, yet still want to remain in the relationship, as if their cheating did not take place

…to be continued